bluegreen17: (Default)
i'm trying to figure out what to write about. my life is either dull or about chronic illness,and a lot of sameness. i love to complain,but i also love to communicate and complaining all the time,especially with my wit and writing skills as rusty as they are,is not entertaining.

of course,i can write about whatever the hell i want to write about...it's my journal. but i don't really want to just talk to myself. i'm trying to decide if i'm too much of a special snowflake to have interests similar to many other people...i don't care much about labels because i feel i never fit in anywhere even as much i want to belong somewhere,plus the fact that many identity labels are about sexuality including being asexual but still wanting to talk about it a lot,which i don't really get,but i'm slow at understanding,even though i understand well,i think,once i 'get' something...so i'm not much interested in sex or shipping as much as i interested in more broad relationships other than the sexual aspects. when i love characters in tv or movies or books,it's usually about their relationships with others. probably because for me family dynamics and friendships have made up most of my life,and i really miss those romantic/sexual chemical feelings but they just aren't there these days,whether it's my poor health or my age or a side of taking prozac so i don't jump off a bridge.

well,that's REALLY dark...i do have a sense of humor too,most of the time.

partly due to low income i get into certain things once they've trickled down to cheaper ways of viewing. right now i'm really into watching 'carnivale' which is an hbo show from long long ago. and there are so many stories there,but it was cancelled after two seasons and hbo owes the rights to the characters,or some such legal crap,so there have been no novels or comic books to find out the rest of the story as it was originally supposed to be.i'm not really into fanfic,but i signed up for archive of my own so i could bookmark some carnivale fanfic.

i've got a few books out of the library but i haven't been able to really get into them. i've had this problem most of the time for the last thirty years,even though i have been a bookworm/big fan of reading since i learned how to read. i want to read,but i lose interest in books so easily much of the time. it's a weird thing. maybe it is attention span,because i do a lot of online reading...articles and journals,so it is not like i am not reading. also,my fave mags are the atlantic and the new yorker and there is also a lot of other journalism that i really like.

also...and this is not exactly going to make me sound likable,which i wouldn't mind being...but i have found in person and online that most of the time that people that like me are not the same people whom i would like to get to know better,luckily with some exceptions. it's like i'm always mis-connecting.i've puzzled over it for years!

anyway,trying to make a new start with interactive journaling here at dreamwidth since i just brought my old lj of several years here,and am hoping i will find a medium or two or three where i can write something i think is worthwhile,and maybe improve my writing skills if i write more often.

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bluegreen17

July 2017

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