bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2003-04-26 12:52 pm
bluegreen17) wrote2003-04-26 12:52 pm
(no subject)
i'm feeling pretty good today and i was last night as well. and it's a strange thing,because it's like the opposite of that emptiness i feel so often. like a fullness of heart...some kind of peace,which is rare for me. i sometimes feel good but it's a hyper good. it's kind of fragile and shrill,but it's preferable to being miserable!
it's sort of the difference between a sort of love that feels wonderful one minute and horrible the next...that 'falling-in-love' feeling which is one of the most addictive best highs one can ever have,but the crashes are awful...and the kind of love,which i've only felt a few times,when you just have this fullness,peace because you know that you are loved. and what i'd attribute it to most of all right now is feeling like i'm reconnecting to God. i could be wrong,and it may not last but we'll see.
and it's kind of weird because in many ways it's pretty personal and difficult to talk about.
i've been thinking about going back to being a practicing catholic rather than a lapsed one.
no religion is perfect,but i'm beginning to see why following a religion can be a good thing,to say the least. i've been lots of other places,spiritually speaking,and it certainly hasn't given me peace.and i am fortunate that i have very good memories of my catholic childhood in general. sure,i had some of those nuns with the rulers snapping on your knuckles but my teacher in first and second grade was a very sweet woman who obviously loved kids. everyone loved her,and i think it's great that she taught the first two grades,since those were our first encounters with teaching nuns.
the thing that really stuck with me in a not so good way,was being told about the end of the world. i dont' know if they talked about it a lot...did they tell us to make sure we were wearing clean underwear in case it was judgement day or you got into an accident (and does your underwear stay clean when you're in an accident?!!!)...or if just imprinted heavily on my brain because it scared me. when i was a little kid,whenever i heard a loud noise...a rumble of thunder or a loud airplane...i was scared it was the end of the world. i've had nightmares for years about planes falling out of the sky. how sadly ironic.
anyway,i think i really did throw the baby out with the bathwater.
so we shall see if this leads anywhere.
it kind of reminds me of reading some stuff by peter breggin a little while ago. he's a psychiatrist who crusades against medication. and one book i read of his mentioned that an emphasis on the spiritual dimension would be more useful than drugs. and that makes sense. think about the old adage....give a man a fish and he eats for a day. teach the man to fish and he can feed himself for a lifetime. which is the better gift?
just my thoughts for today. i certainly don't have all the answers even though i obnoxiously often think i do!
it's sort of the difference between a sort of love that feels wonderful one minute and horrible the next...that 'falling-in-love' feeling which is one of the most addictive best highs one can ever have,but the crashes are awful...and the kind of love,which i've only felt a few times,when you just have this fullness,peace because you know that you are loved. and what i'd attribute it to most of all right now is feeling like i'm reconnecting to God. i could be wrong,and it may not last but we'll see.
and it's kind of weird because in many ways it's pretty personal and difficult to talk about.
i've been thinking about going back to being a practicing catholic rather than a lapsed one.
no religion is perfect,but i'm beginning to see why following a religion can be a good thing,to say the least. i've been lots of other places,spiritually speaking,and it certainly hasn't given me peace.and i am fortunate that i have very good memories of my catholic childhood in general. sure,i had some of those nuns with the rulers snapping on your knuckles but my teacher in first and second grade was a very sweet woman who obviously loved kids. everyone loved her,and i think it's great that she taught the first two grades,since those were our first encounters with teaching nuns.
the thing that really stuck with me in a not so good way,was being told about the end of the world. i dont' know if they talked about it a lot...did they tell us to make sure we were wearing clean underwear in case it was judgement day or you got into an accident (and does your underwear stay clean when you're in an accident?!!!)...or if just imprinted heavily on my brain because it scared me. when i was a little kid,whenever i heard a loud noise...a rumble of thunder or a loud airplane...i was scared it was the end of the world. i've had nightmares for years about planes falling out of the sky. how sadly ironic.
anyway,i think i really did throw the baby out with the bathwater.
so we shall see if this leads anywhere.
it kind of reminds me of reading some stuff by peter breggin a little while ago. he's a psychiatrist who crusades against medication. and one book i read of his mentioned that an emphasis on the spiritual dimension would be more useful than drugs. and that makes sense. think about the old adage....give a man a fish and he eats for a day. teach the man to fish and he can feed himself for a lifetime. which is the better gift?
just my thoughts for today. i certainly don't have all the answers even though i obnoxiously often think i do!
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