bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2003-10-05 01:36 pm
bluegreen17) wrote2003-10-05 01:36 pm
(no subject)
maybe mom was right. maybe i do expect too much out of life.
i want to have a partner in life. i want to have a job i like that pays my rent. i want to be happy a bit more often than i am. i want to not have to worry about surviving. i want to be wise enough to save myself and not look for saving by someone else. i want to be able to take care of myself and have trust that i can do so.
i don't want to end up as another eleanor rigby,only poorer. i don't want to create problems or hardship for my sisters.
i'm on vacation this week,and i have no money to go out and have lunch with anyone even if i felt perky enough to do so. (i don't like to bother people when i'm depressed,so i bother my lj buddies,who at least have the option to read or not,so i'm not imposing so much.) i don't have any friends close enough so that i would feel comfortable just having them come over and hang out,since i have no money. though i am going to call my sister sara and see if she might want to hang out on saturday. i'm grateful for her being a fun person,a comfortable person to be around,and for living not too far away and not minding driving here once in a while. at least i have one close friend who i can see once in a while. but i'm still sad.
sorry i've been such a downer lately. i'd much rather be somewhat entertaining. wish me luck in finding some way of pulling myself up from this rut of depression i've been in for a few weeks now. i've thought of therapy or medication again,but i can't afford it,so i'm not sure what other options there are beyond just suffering.
i want to have a partner in life. i want to have a job i like that pays my rent. i want to be happy a bit more often than i am. i want to not have to worry about surviving. i want to be wise enough to save myself and not look for saving by someone else. i want to be able to take care of myself and have trust that i can do so.
i don't want to end up as another eleanor rigby,only poorer. i don't want to create problems or hardship for my sisters.
i'm on vacation this week,and i have no money to go out and have lunch with anyone even if i felt perky enough to do so. (i don't like to bother people when i'm depressed,so i bother my lj buddies,who at least have the option to read or not,so i'm not imposing so much.) i don't have any friends close enough so that i would feel comfortable just having them come over and hang out,since i have no money. though i am going to call my sister sara and see if she might want to hang out on saturday. i'm grateful for her being a fun person,a comfortable person to be around,and for living not too far away and not minding driving here once in a while. at least i have one close friend who i can see once in a while. but i'm still sad.
sorry i've been such a downer lately. i'd much rather be somewhat entertaining. wish me luck in finding some way of pulling myself up from this rut of depression i've been in for a few weeks now. i've thought of therapy or medication again,but i can't afford it,so i'm not sure what other options there are beyond just suffering.