bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2003-10-24 01:21 am
bluegreen17) wrote2003-10-24 01:21 am
never enough love in my life,so i've gotta have chocolate to survive
tuesday i had a horrible day at work.i had a sort of run-in with my boss,and then started panicking about losing my job.i have so many problems right now,including financial,that it would be even more devastating than it normally would be. anyway,later on i got up the courage to ask to speak to her privately,and we kind of sorted things out. still,it cast a pall on my day.
wednesday i had a great day.
this really cool synchronicity occurred. i bumped into two old friends that i hadn't seen in a really long time in the space of an hour. that was really nice. i sometimes feel like i have no friends,and in truth i really don't feel like i have many people i can just call up to chat or invite over,but at the same time i feel like any of the friends i've had over the years are still my friends,even if i'm lousy about keeping in touch (i'm one overwhelmed woman a lot of the time...sometimes i barely survive the day,so i try not to beat myself up about this too much). that was a nice realization.
today was okay. i can't believe how much work i'm not getting done,but the workload is really heavy. one really great thing about the new boss,though,is that she's increasing the payroll rather than taking the option of keeping the payroll down and increasing her bonus...for which i'm very grateful and i admire her for. so i'm starting to slowly get some help,as we all are. and i like quite a few of the new folks,even if very few of them are guys! overall,though,today i feel a bit sad.
now,i am going to make a sad observation...i had a great day on wednesday,and i ate a lot of chocolate on wednesday. bingo! stimulants make me feel better. the wellbutrin helped for a while. but then i develop a tolerance for it,and i have fewer and fewer good days,and return to my quite chronic sadness.i used to love the high i got from coffee,but i stopped drinking it because of my acid reflux. i'm not supposed to eat chocolate for the same reason,but it's not as bad as coffee for that. last year i tried really hard to give up chocolate. i've given up other foods that were bad for me,and eventually didn't care. but after two weeks or so of no chocolate,the cravings for it just got worse instead of less.
sometimes i don't know if there is any hope for me and my fucked-up brain! but i hope anyway because sometimes i don't have much else!
and,no,i don't want to try any more antidepressants. haven't heard a lot of good from people who have actually taken them. plus,how would i pay for them?
oh,well,it could be worse.
wednesday i had a great day.
this really cool synchronicity occurred. i bumped into two old friends that i hadn't seen in a really long time in the space of an hour. that was really nice. i sometimes feel like i have no friends,and in truth i really don't feel like i have many people i can just call up to chat or invite over,but at the same time i feel like any of the friends i've had over the years are still my friends,even if i'm lousy about keeping in touch (i'm one overwhelmed woman a lot of the time...sometimes i barely survive the day,so i try not to beat myself up about this too much). that was a nice realization.
today was okay. i can't believe how much work i'm not getting done,but the workload is really heavy. one really great thing about the new boss,though,is that she's increasing the payroll rather than taking the option of keeping the payroll down and increasing her bonus...for which i'm very grateful and i admire her for. so i'm starting to slowly get some help,as we all are. and i like quite a few of the new folks,even if very few of them are guys! overall,though,today i feel a bit sad.
now,i am going to make a sad observation...i had a great day on wednesday,and i ate a lot of chocolate on wednesday. bingo! stimulants make me feel better. the wellbutrin helped for a while. but then i develop a tolerance for it,and i have fewer and fewer good days,and return to my quite chronic sadness.i used to love the high i got from coffee,but i stopped drinking it because of my acid reflux. i'm not supposed to eat chocolate for the same reason,but it's not as bad as coffee for that. last year i tried really hard to give up chocolate. i've given up other foods that were bad for me,and eventually didn't care. but after two weeks or so of no chocolate,the cravings for it just got worse instead of less.
sometimes i don't know if there is any hope for me and my fucked-up brain! but i hope anyway because sometimes i don't have much else!
and,no,i don't want to try any more antidepressants. haven't heard a lot of good from people who have actually taken them. plus,how would i pay for them?
oh,well,it could be worse.