bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2003-02-02 02:12 pm
bluegreen17) wrote2003-02-02 02:12 pm
getting friendly with a lump
well,i feel rather better today. even though i didn't sleep all that well...i felt achey and had a tough time getting comfortable. but relatively speaking,it wasn't all that bad. and i was thrilled that the snowplow never showed up,so i didnt have to get up early and moved my car. it had snowed quite a bit when i went to bed last night,but i guess it then rained and so it's just slush so they won't bother to plow,which is fine with me. (oh,unless they showed up when i was in the shower)
another interesting thing,concerning my lump...
i'm sure everyone wants a status report on my lump,yes? well,i have to mention it because i have a tendency toward denial,so i'm trying to be brave and stay aware. anyway,i've been taking a four-herb combination (disclaimer...treat herbs with respect,they are strong,so always research them before using them...well,my opinion anyway) that is possibly a tumor shrinker. i decided to take it because it was recommended by a friend at the natural foods store i used to work at,it's safe,and if nothing else,it's supposed to be a blood cleanser (though i'm not really into heroic medicine...i.e. natural medicine that is always concerned about 'detoxing'.i rather lean more toward the wise woman way as described by herbalist susun weed...i like the whole philosophy,though i wish it wasn't called the wise WOMAN way because that makes it seem excluding...but anyway,her opinion is that the body is quite amazing and knows what it's doing...which includes deathing as well as birthing,both of which are part of life)
i didn't really have high hopes,since natural remedies and change of diet didn't help much with my stomach troubles nor my severe depression,both of which have been major issues for me recently and which have been relieved substantially,though not entirely,by pharmaceuticals,which i generally disdain.
nevertheless,i've been taking the herbs for about a week and i thought it couldn't hurt to check on how that lump was doing. hmmm...so,interestingly enough,i couldn't find it today! now,that is very amazing to me,but i'm being conservative about jumping to any conclusions. it's possible it's still there,but has shrunk,which would be amazing enough. the other possibility is that it has moved to where it's harder to detect. that's also generally good because cancerous lumps are most often fixed and not mobile.(i've been doing a bit of research)
anyway,of course i had this mischievious thought that i'll just cancel that damned mammogram tomorrow. i don't want to go for that,and even though they might be a useful tool (and my research tells me that's not always the case though...as false positives and false negatives are not a rare occurrence) i'm also exposing myself to radiation,which is not recommended by several european doctors for pre-menopausal women.
so,i haven't totally decided what to do yet. in a way,knowing that i have an out,part of me wants to just go have it done so i don't keep wondering (though having the mammogram and the ultrasound won't really give me a great amount of certainty either),plus it will keep people from hassling me about it. but you know what? i don't think trying to keep people from nagging me is a good reason to have it done if i have good reason to avoid it.
on the other hand,i don't want my decision dictated by fear. if i have a hunch that having those tests will give me some peace of mind,then i might do it.
i think i will have to decide tomorrow morning. they usually want 24 hours to cancel,but i haven't decided yet. so if i decide not to go,i'll just tell them i'm feeling quite ill. you cant always know that 24 hours ahead of time.
if i decide against it,the nurses and the doctor will probably be annoyed with me,but oh well.i'm an annoying type patient...the polar opposite of my dad,who when i asked him why he was taking such and such a medication,he said he didn't know. ha ha. i would NEVER take any drug without knowing why,just because a doctor told me to. but to my dad's credit,even though his gp kept shrugging off his chest pains,my dad went to a specialist,who found six blockages which were then corrected by angioplasty BEFORE my dad ended up having a heart attack. i swear my dad survived to his current age-76-because he walks every day,and has for years,including 5 mile hikes when the weather is good. how many people his age even do that? never mind people younger...many of whom drive to the corner store rather than walk. anyway...
if i do not have those stupid tests,i will keep abreast (sorry,couldn't resist) of the situation and will probably go to the doctor again for another exam...see if SHE can find anything...and what she thinks of the fact that i can't find it,when i definitely couldn't miss it before!
another interesting thing,concerning my lump...
i'm sure everyone wants a status report on my lump,yes? well,i have to mention it because i have a tendency toward denial,so i'm trying to be brave and stay aware. anyway,i've been taking a four-herb combination (disclaimer...treat herbs with respect,they are strong,so always research them before using them...well,my opinion anyway) that is possibly a tumor shrinker. i decided to take it because it was recommended by a friend at the natural foods store i used to work at,it's safe,and if nothing else,it's supposed to be a blood cleanser (though i'm not really into heroic medicine...i.e. natural medicine that is always concerned about 'detoxing'.i rather lean more toward the wise woman way as described by herbalist susun weed...i like the whole philosophy,though i wish it wasn't called the wise WOMAN way because that makes it seem excluding...but anyway,her opinion is that the body is quite amazing and knows what it's doing...which includes deathing as well as birthing,both of which are part of life)
i didn't really have high hopes,since natural remedies and change of diet didn't help much with my stomach troubles nor my severe depression,both of which have been major issues for me recently and which have been relieved substantially,though not entirely,by pharmaceuticals,which i generally disdain.
nevertheless,i've been taking the herbs for about a week and i thought it couldn't hurt to check on how that lump was doing. hmmm...so,interestingly enough,i couldn't find it today! now,that is very amazing to me,but i'm being conservative about jumping to any conclusions. it's possible it's still there,but has shrunk,which would be amazing enough. the other possibility is that it has moved to where it's harder to detect. that's also generally good because cancerous lumps are most often fixed and not mobile.(i've been doing a bit of research)
anyway,of course i had this mischievious thought that i'll just cancel that damned mammogram tomorrow. i don't want to go for that,and even though they might be a useful tool (and my research tells me that's not always the case though...as false positives and false negatives are not a rare occurrence) i'm also exposing myself to radiation,which is not recommended by several european doctors for pre-menopausal women.
so,i haven't totally decided what to do yet. in a way,knowing that i have an out,part of me wants to just go have it done so i don't keep wondering (though having the mammogram and the ultrasound won't really give me a great amount of certainty either),plus it will keep people from hassling me about it. but you know what? i don't think trying to keep people from nagging me is a good reason to have it done if i have good reason to avoid it.
on the other hand,i don't want my decision dictated by fear. if i have a hunch that having those tests will give me some peace of mind,then i might do it.
i think i will have to decide tomorrow morning. they usually want 24 hours to cancel,but i haven't decided yet. so if i decide not to go,i'll just tell them i'm feeling quite ill. you cant always know that 24 hours ahead of time.
if i decide against it,the nurses and the doctor will probably be annoyed with me,but oh well.i'm an annoying type patient...the polar opposite of my dad,who when i asked him why he was taking such and such a medication,he said he didn't know. ha ha. i would NEVER take any drug without knowing why,just because a doctor told me to. but to my dad's credit,even though his gp kept shrugging off his chest pains,my dad went to a specialist,who found six blockages which were then corrected by angioplasty BEFORE my dad ended up having a heart attack. i swear my dad survived to his current age-76-because he walks every day,and has for years,including 5 mile hikes when the weather is good. how many people his age even do that? never mind people younger...many of whom drive to the corner store rather than walk. anyway...
if i do not have those stupid tests,i will keep abreast (sorry,couldn't resist) of the situation and will probably go to the doctor again for another exam...see if SHE can find anything...and what she thinks of the fact that i can't find it,when i definitely couldn't miss it before!