bluegreen17: (Default)
i've been feeling not too great. this is what happens to me when i deprive myself of sleep in order to make sure i can get to an appointment (because getting out of bed is a huge deal,and requires several gold stars daily). so i stay up all night,which honestly isn't that hard to do. it's going to sleep early in the morning that's hard not to do,but if i get past that...anyway,so i did that and had two appointments on tuesday. and then of course i have crashed.

when i can't focus,can't get into much of anything except eating and sleeping (and when i'm really bad off i can't even do that) i just do something repetitive and mindless like playing bejeweled. i think it's kind of like stimming. it occupies the worst part of my mind. i don't feel great,but i feel compelled to keep going,to avoid a certain part of my mind. but another part of my mind is simply frustrated that it can't get the other part to do what it wants. ah,the complexity of it all. even the experts don't really have any answers. psychiatric meds are just guesswork,as is much mental health theory.sometimes you can find something to help,and sometimes you can't.

anyway,i was feeling miserable and it helps to write,but i don't generally write as often as i feel lousy and i don't write or talk about it as often as i feel it. i just tend to retreat,which makes me feel worse. some people feel better if they journal,but for me it doesn't help unless i know SOMEONE is listening. and i hate to keep bothering people. as it is,i complain enough don't want to bother friends and family and i see a therapist for two hours a month and i can't talk about all i need to in that time...sooo....

i found a pretty good site i think might help called the experience project i tried to make that linkable,but i will only find out if i remember the teeny amount of html i know if it works. i somehow doubt it...

it's groups where you can talk about heavy duty things like severe depression but it also has some just plain silly fun things like 'i have a crush on stephen colbert' as a group topic. for me,anything new that interests me is good for my brain chemicals. i also appreciate the fact that it's not all younger folks. there's some old fogies like me too. so,now i will press post and i can laugh at my lack of html skills...

edit: woohoo!!! i can hardly believe i did the html correctly. it's a miracle!


bluegreen17: (Default)

July 2017

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