bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2002-06-27 01:18 am
bluegreen17) wrote2002-06-27 01:18 am
overheated diane
i felt like i was working in a jungle today.well,as usual i exaggerate a little. it was 80 degrees in the store but it was 88 outside so hey our air conditioning worked a little teeny bit. ha. i left my note in the manager's log and i hope to hell they call in the ac people immediately. the store also felt like a jungle because the homo sapiens were trashing the place. i'm not a h.s. i don't know what i am,but i'm not one of THEM.
oh,it was a lovely day. sadly,i've been bored with my job since i got back from vacation. in fact,i'm pretty bored with almost everything (i'm still enjoying livejournal and open diary and a few things,i suppose) and it's driving me crazy to not be interested. in my experience,boredom usually leads to depression.or worse depression,since i'm depressed most of the time.
however,i've been reading some stuff on a.d.d. i took a quiz and it said if you checked off 12 or more items,you probably have a.d.d.. i checked off 17! it reminded me that a few years ago in therapy,it was brought up that i might have it,and having a.d.d. and not knowing it or having coping skills,can make one really depressed because it can be really frustrating. for some reason,i stopped therapy not long after that and didn't follow up on it.(ha...that's a classic symptom of a.d.d.!) i forgot about it until recently,because this last week i have had such a hell of a time concentrating,it's not funny. something that also struck me was how the difference between clinical depression and a.d.d. was described.
a.d.d. depression is RESPONSIVE to stimuli. that is,if something good or fun happens,one doesn't feel depressed. i've talked in the past about seeking distractions and that is possibly why. sadly,i rarely these days have anything good or fun happen,but when it does,i don't feel depressed. if one is clinically depressed,one is not responsive to things. i definitely am,and of course to bad things happening too.
right now since for some reason even work doesn't seem fun anymore,one of the few things i enjoy is food. which is really sad,because i just binge on food,particularly sugar. by binge in don't mean how some people do. but i really shouldn't be eating a lot of sugar with my stomach problems. but for instance,tonight for supper i had my usual cup o soup of rice and beans and two pop tarts for dessert. i get hungry later in the evening,and often have a snack,though i try to have protein or whole grain along with the sugar.tonight i ate a small package of peanut butter crackers and then i ate a tiger's milk bar (pb flavor convered in carob.they're not very big and i often eat two.) well,that wasn't enough. i was feeling depressed and knew the only thing i could count on to make me feel better was sugar. so i ate two more pop tarts.
oy,that's a lot of sugar.
oh,well,i'm going to investigate the a.d.d. thing and see if there are some things i can help myself with. one very typical thing is that one feels like an underachiever. boy,do i feel like one big time! i remember being upset a few years ago when my mother and sister commented that i could have done so much more with my intelligence and college education.
i personally just wish i could be a better person,and get more done. as it is,i can't even force myself to clean my apartment and it's going to be hell when i have to move if i don't get myself going soon.things are dusty,cluttered and unsorted. it takes all my willpower to attend to my personal hygiene on a daily basis
(even more time consuming because of my skin condition and ocd!) so that there is not much energy left for things that aren't immediately necessary. well,i'm going to look at some books on a.d.d. and stuff on the net for some helpful hints. i was surprised that i only found one community on livejournal about it!
well,as usual i've rambled. once i start writing,i rarely keep it short!
oh,it was a lovely day. sadly,i've been bored with my job since i got back from vacation. in fact,i'm pretty bored with almost everything (i'm still enjoying livejournal and open diary and a few things,i suppose) and it's driving me crazy to not be interested. in my experience,boredom usually leads to depression.or worse depression,since i'm depressed most of the time.
however,i've been reading some stuff on a.d.d. i took a quiz and it said if you checked off 12 or more items,you probably have a.d.d.. i checked off 17! it reminded me that a few years ago in therapy,it was brought up that i might have it,and having a.d.d. and not knowing it or having coping skills,can make one really depressed because it can be really frustrating. for some reason,i stopped therapy not long after that and didn't follow up on it.(ha...that's a classic symptom of a.d.d.!) i forgot about it until recently,because this last week i have had such a hell of a time concentrating,it's not funny. something that also struck me was how the difference between clinical depression and a.d.d. was described.
a.d.d. depression is RESPONSIVE to stimuli. that is,if something good or fun happens,one doesn't feel depressed. i've talked in the past about seeking distractions and that is possibly why. sadly,i rarely these days have anything good or fun happen,but when it does,i don't feel depressed. if one is clinically depressed,one is not responsive to things. i definitely am,and of course to bad things happening too.
right now since for some reason even work doesn't seem fun anymore,one of the few things i enjoy is food. which is really sad,because i just binge on food,particularly sugar. by binge in don't mean how some people do. but i really shouldn't be eating a lot of sugar with my stomach problems. but for instance,tonight for supper i had my usual cup o soup of rice and beans and two pop tarts for dessert. i get hungry later in the evening,and often have a snack,though i try to have protein or whole grain along with the sugar.tonight i ate a small package of peanut butter crackers and then i ate a tiger's milk bar (pb flavor convered in carob.they're not very big and i often eat two.) well,that wasn't enough. i was feeling depressed and knew the only thing i could count on to make me feel better was sugar. so i ate two more pop tarts.
oy,that's a lot of sugar.
oh,well,i'm going to investigate the a.d.d. thing and see if there are some things i can help myself with. one very typical thing is that one feels like an underachiever. boy,do i feel like one big time! i remember being upset a few years ago when my mother and sister commented that i could have done so much more with my intelligence and college education.
i personally just wish i could be a better person,and get more done. as it is,i can't even force myself to clean my apartment and it's going to be hell when i have to move if i don't get myself going soon.things are dusty,cluttered and unsorted. it takes all my willpower to attend to my personal hygiene on a daily basis
(even more time consuming because of my skin condition and ocd!) so that there is not much energy left for things that aren't immediately necessary. well,i'm going to look at some books on a.d.d. and stuff on the net for some helpful hints. i was surprised that i only found one community on livejournal about it!
well,as usual i've rambled. once i start writing,i rarely keep it short!