bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2002-07-02 12:38 pm
bluegreen17) wrote2002-07-02 12:38 pm
feeling ostracized
this is a slightly modified version of a note i left for someone today:
i'm sociable and generally well-liked at work,at least as far as i can tell, but for some reason i keep hearing about all these social gatherings that everybody seems to be invited to except for me and i can't figure it out.i dont know why it bothers me,because these are people that i don't think i'd want to hang around with anyway.that sounds like sour grapes but what i mean is that i don't have much in common with them. although i am developing a bit of a chip on my shoulder about it because my feelings are hurt,and so i feel angry towards them and this is not a good thing and i do my best to try to talk myself out of this and hide it while i feel it.i guess it's a problem with my self-esteem.
this is basically the issue with the saturday night crew. it's the last day of my work week and i've come to dread it. it's not an easy day to get through anyway,because it's usually busy and people are messy and i'm not able to get as much work done and i have to work in the back by myself and it's pretty boring. occasionally someone stops by to talk to me...you see,people aren't generally unfriendly to me at work,which is partly why i feel guilty being angry at them,but when they stop to talk to me,it's usually about THEM. and they make no effort to be sensitive about talking about their parties in front of me. do they know how it feels to have a bunch of people talking about their parties in front of someone who is never invited to them?
and then i have two days off and it's mostly boring chores and no social life since i have no one to hang around with,so i have lots of time to become obsessed with feeling left out and get depressed about it. which is partly why i'm turning to drugs now.
i just fucking give up,bring em on!
i just hope i can afford to pay for them. i'm talking about legal drugs,in case you're wondering.
i hate drugs,so you know i'm at the end of my rope.
i've been pondering the 'problem' of what to do in a world where i can hardly find anyone to talk to...should i be the one to adjust and just join in the boring conversations and not set my sights so high? it seems either that or i will be left out of human interaction totally...sigh.
i'm sociable and generally well-liked at work,at least as far as i can tell, but for some reason i keep hearing about all these social gatherings that everybody seems to be invited to except for me and i can't figure it out.i dont know why it bothers me,because these are people that i don't think i'd want to hang around with anyway.that sounds like sour grapes but what i mean is that i don't have much in common with them. although i am developing a bit of a chip on my shoulder about it because my feelings are hurt,and so i feel angry towards them and this is not a good thing and i do my best to try to talk myself out of this and hide it while i feel it.i guess it's a problem with my self-esteem.
this is basically the issue with the saturday night crew. it's the last day of my work week and i've come to dread it. it's not an easy day to get through anyway,because it's usually busy and people are messy and i'm not able to get as much work done and i have to work in the back by myself and it's pretty boring. occasionally someone stops by to talk to me...you see,people aren't generally unfriendly to me at work,which is partly why i feel guilty being angry at them,but when they stop to talk to me,it's usually about THEM. and they make no effort to be sensitive about talking about their parties in front of me. do they know how it feels to have a bunch of people talking about their parties in front of someone who is never invited to them?
and then i have two days off and it's mostly boring chores and no social life since i have no one to hang around with,so i have lots of time to become obsessed with feeling left out and get depressed about it. which is partly why i'm turning to drugs now.
i just fucking give up,bring em on!
i just hope i can afford to pay for them. i'm talking about legal drugs,in case you're wondering.
i hate drugs,so you know i'm at the end of my rope.
i've been pondering the 'problem' of what to do in a world where i can hardly find anyone to talk to...should i be the one to adjust and just join in the boring conversations and not set my sights so high? it seems either that or i will be left out of human interaction totally...sigh.
no subject