bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2003-04-12 01:31 am
bluegreen17) wrote2003-04-12 01:31 am
lost in space
i'm a mass of confusion right now.it's not really new,it's just the current episode.and speaking of current episodes,i had a therapy appt. on monday and my new therapist thinks i'm having a major depressive episode. i kind of laughed and said, hmmmm,well i feel like this a lot. in truth,i havent' felt as bad as i sometimes do for the last couple of weeks. i've been reading spiritual books of different persuasions and they've given me boosts that last for a few days and then dissapate. so i've been searching for something to believe in,somewhere to belong and i'm confused because i don't fit in anywhere it seems,and though i want to be an individual,i also want to belong somewhere. my god,there are scads of subcultures...there seems to be something for everybody...furries,otherkin,different religions,philosophies,blah blah blah. for me,no place feels like home for long. i don't even fit in with the 'outsiders',it seems. i don't know what i'm trying to say,i guess. my confusion is pretty transparent at the moment.
is it a cliche to say that you're homesick for somewhere you don't remember? i was even looking at a book about 'starpeople' and i dont' quite fit this book's criteria either,of course.
these are the lyrics to one of my favorite songs,because i can relate to much of it...
foo fighters-aurora
you believe there's something else
to relieve your emptiness
and you dream about yourself
and you bleed and breathe the air
and it's on and on
i just kinda died for you
you just kinda stared at me
we will always have the chance
we can do this one more time
hell,yeah,i remember aurora
all this time
take me now,
we can spin the sun around
and the stars will all come out
then we'll turn and come back down
you believe there's somewhere else
where it's easier than this
and you see outside yourself
and you buy the hole you'll fill
and it's on and on
on and on aurora wait for everyone
wait till the last one's done.
is it a cliche to say that you're homesick for somewhere you don't remember? i was even looking at a book about 'starpeople' and i dont' quite fit this book's criteria either,of course.
these are the lyrics to one of my favorite songs,because i can relate to much of it...
foo fighters-aurora
you believe there's something else
to relieve your emptiness
and you dream about yourself
and you bleed and breathe the air
and it's on and on
i just kinda died for you
you just kinda stared at me
we will always have the chance
we can do this one more time
hell,yeah,i remember aurora
all this time
take me now,
we can spin the sun around
and the stars will all come out
then we'll turn and come back down
you believe there's somewhere else
where it's easier than this
and you see outside yourself
and you buy the hole you'll fill
and it's on and on
on and on aurora wait for everyone
wait till the last one's done.
no subject
i summa summarum never felt welcom in groups and always felt that i have to imitate and to lie that they will not, said exaggeratedly, lynch me.
i really cant or dont want accept their patterns, their patterns always creates some kind of animosity to these ones which question these patterns...it's like thinking in terms of tribes, which includes normally war
psychologically to belong to a group is to avoid loneliness, but this loneliness stays, this loneliness is in a way essential...
krishnamurit:
So being lonely, I want to find someone or some ideas through which I can be happy. But loneliness always remains; it is ever there, under cover. But as it frightens me, and as I do not know what the inward nature of this loneliness is, therefore I want to find something to which to cling. So I think that through something, through a person, I will be happy. So our mind is always concerned with finding something. Through furniture, through a house, through books, through people, through ideas, through rituals, through symbols, we hope to get something, to find happiness. And so the thing, the people, the ideas, become extraordinarily important, because through them we hope we shall find it. So we begin to be dependent on them....
no subject
...for me living here in our selfcreated world, in our selfcreated society is like living in gulag..it's more or less a horror
no subject
I fit, quite frighteningly, all the criteria for the starpeople (was it the pleidians) but they were all too wierd even for me.
Its tough when you feel alone. But embrace humanity anyways. We are all we have (watch contact the movie its inspiring)
and yeah...to be homesick for something you dont know is common. Some see this as our absence or removal from god. But also keep in mind our friend Dorothy, who also had those fears. She never realized all she really wanted was right there all along.
Too bad we dont live near eachother, Id love to just sit and chat with you....we could start a freaks united something or other :)