how to find the light? how to love?

[bluegreen17]

i'm having a self-hating or at least hating-the-demons-in-my-head episode and i know that hating it just perpetuates it. and i'm trying to figure out how to love. when i feel like this i feel like i can't love anything or anyone. as i get older, i feel like i am able to love less and less,and that is the most important thing to do in this world...and i feel i can't do it. that feels hellish.

anyway,i found this quote and it can be applicable to different situations...a current world situation is obvious...but also on a personal scale.

in my mixedupness,i'm trying. i'm trying to find the light that's hidden in me. i don't know why it gets obscured and blotted out so often. i know it's gotta be there or i wouldn't exist.

i so often know the what but have trouble finding the how. and i dont know where to look for help.

yesterday i had a pretty good day once i got going. and life crashed down on me hard again this morning and is at the moment pinning me down pretty low. i'm still breathing,though.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction.... The chain reaction of evil -- hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation. -- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Comments

[aprilstorme.livejournal.com]

love is a gift, not an expectation

just attempt to love something without getting anything back. do small good deeds. i know this isnt much help but every journey starts with a single step

[jayteeone.livejournal.com]

I remember my life in darkness, hatred and hell. Faith isn't believing in God when things are easy. It's believing when everything around you says it isn't so. In the midst of my darkness I held onto the dimmest light. In the midst of the hatred/self-loathing I felt I held onto the possibility of love. In the midst of my hell I held out for the the faintest hope of heaven.

[bluegreen17]

yes,i guess that's what i'm doing now! thanks for your note.

[bluegreen17]

yes,i guess i think that if i dont' feel loving that i'm not able to love. but really love is an action and i can probably push myself to at least do something small. thanks for your note!

[ranunculus.livejournal.com]

Words are so hard to convey meaning. But at dark times I like to go deep inside and love and hold the part of me that is filled with fear and anger.

[bluegreen17]

yes, sometimes words seem to be too inadequate for some things.
but the effort is appreciated,because it's the essence that counts. thanks for taking the time to write a note. i'm trying to be as gentle with myself as possible!