bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2003-04-15 12:07 am
bluegreen17) wrote2003-04-15 12:07 am
faith,hope,chocolate
i found an excellent website called insteadlaugh.com that is about depression and lots of good ideas in regards to that. the website creator has been there and to me,that makes all the difference in the world. it's friendly,humorous and helpful.
the universe seems to have conspired this afternoon to make me feel better. i like those sorts of conspiracies!
first,as silly as it sounds,even though i failed to force myself to go visit my mother in the nursing home today,and felt bad about that,i did manage to go to the hardware store and get a new filter for my ac/furnace unit since we're supposed to have eighty degree weather tomorrow and i might have to use the a/c.
the reason i say it sounds silly is that for most people,such a little chore is not a big freakin' deal. but getting anything accomplished is a feat for me. i don't know how many people understand that i often lack an abundance of psychological energy. i often feel so bad that i use up much of that energy just doing what absolutely is top priority in any given day,which includes getting out of bed in the morning. does anyone know what i mean?
so after doing that chore,i felt a little bit better. then i came home and did some reading...both in books and on the net,and i found some really good things to read today. i just finished reading deepak chopra's -golf for enlightenment: the seven lessons for the game of life-. i don't play golf,but it was a good story and there was lots to inspire me in it.
so,like,am i bipolar or what? yes,i'd say so,regardless of how whomever else might diagnose me. i'd say i have a slight case of hypomania...because when i feel a bit better,i have the illusion that i will never be depressed again. and when i'm depressed,i think i will never feel good again,that everything is hopeless,etc. and i generally don't know when i will swing up or down,though some things can be more likely to bring me up at least for a bit. chocolate,for one. of course,afterwards,it can cause depression on the downswing. sometimes i read something that inspires me and it gives me a boost. it usually doesn't last,but i'll take what i can get. when i feel better,i become an optimist who thinks there still may be hope that i may someday not feel so bad so often.
either way,i'm rarely motivated to do things i should do but dislike. if i feel good for an extended period of time (which is rare in recent memory) i am able to shore up some psychological energy and tackle things. but that doensn't happen very often,and i continue to get further and further behind. i have this crazy idea that some day i will make some sort of quantum leap in consciousness and never go back to the depths i usually sink to. well,that hasn't happened yet and i don't know if it's just manic thinking or a real possibility. that sort of thing has occasionally happened to people,though,so i'm stupidly optimistic.
i also found a beautiful expression of christianity,which i'm generally not overly fond of,at droitsweb.com
and so,for the moment,i feel hope.
(which may be folly,depending on one's viewpoint!)
edit: corrected second link.
the universe seems to have conspired this afternoon to make me feel better. i like those sorts of conspiracies!
first,as silly as it sounds,even though i failed to force myself to go visit my mother in the nursing home today,and felt bad about that,i did manage to go to the hardware store and get a new filter for my ac/furnace unit since we're supposed to have eighty degree weather tomorrow and i might have to use the a/c.
the reason i say it sounds silly is that for most people,such a little chore is not a big freakin' deal. but getting anything accomplished is a feat for me. i don't know how many people understand that i often lack an abundance of psychological energy. i often feel so bad that i use up much of that energy just doing what absolutely is top priority in any given day,which includes getting out of bed in the morning. does anyone know what i mean?
so after doing that chore,i felt a little bit better. then i came home and did some reading...both in books and on the net,and i found some really good things to read today. i just finished reading deepak chopra's -golf for enlightenment: the seven lessons for the game of life-. i don't play golf,but it was a good story and there was lots to inspire me in it.
so,like,am i bipolar or what? yes,i'd say so,regardless of how whomever else might diagnose me. i'd say i have a slight case of hypomania...because when i feel a bit better,i have the illusion that i will never be depressed again. and when i'm depressed,i think i will never feel good again,that everything is hopeless,etc. and i generally don't know when i will swing up or down,though some things can be more likely to bring me up at least for a bit. chocolate,for one. of course,afterwards,it can cause depression on the downswing. sometimes i read something that inspires me and it gives me a boost. it usually doesn't last,but i'll take what i can get. when i feel better,i become an optimist who thinks there still may be hope that i may someday not feel so bad so often.
either way,i'm rarely motivated to do things i should do but dislike. if i feel good for an extended period of time (which is rare in recent memory) i am able to shore up some psychological energy and tackle things. but that doensn't happen very often,and i continue to get further and further behind. i have this crazy idea that some day i will make some sort of quantum leap in consciousness and never go back to the depths i usually sink to. well,that hasn't happened yet and i don't know if it's just manic thinking or a real possibility. that sort of thing has occasionally happened to people,though,so i'm stupidly optimistic.
i also found a beautiful expression of christianity,which i'm generally not overly fond of,at droitsweb.com
and so,for the moment,i feel hope.
(which may be folly,depending on one's viewpoint!)
edit: corrected second link.