bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2003-04-27 12:22 pm
bluegreen17) wrote2003-04-27 12:22 pm
(no subject)
i love the sound of the birds outside today. so cheery.
now i need to find the birthday card i bought for my sister sara so i can write it out and pop it in the mail today.
i have a little bit of ambition to do some cleaning today. since there is much that could be done,i hope this energy doesn't run out too quickly,but if times past are any indication,it won't last long. but things can always take a different turn,can't they? it does happen.
i also want to make a tape for my mother today. a long time ago,i recorded her playing an old folk song set to piano called 'spoon river'. it's very quirky,and is very emotional and tells a story through sound. (as far as i know,it doesn't have lyrics.) it's one of my favorites. i recorded it on one of those little portable tape players,so it isn't technically great,but i love it anyway. not only do i love the song,but it's my mother playing it for me,so it has great sentimental value. anyway,she doesn't have her own copy,so i am going to tape it and hopefully bring it to her tomorrow. because of her severe dementia,i don't know if she will even remember it. and also she doesn't seem to want to do anything when i go visit her so i hope i can interest her in listening to it. i thought it might be a good idea to tape it over and over on the same tape so that whenever she puts it in the tape player,it will be playing. i don't know if she can even understand the concept of rewinding so i thought this might make it easier for her.
i'm rather apprehensive about visiting her,because last time i couldn't interest her in anything,and she just kept walking around,so all i could do was follow her,which is a strange way to visit. then she wanted me to take her out,but i dont do that anymore,which is sad,because she fights-and she's still pretty physically strong-anytime one of her kids who's visiting her goes to leave. she wants to come home with us. and the look on her face is the saddest thing...like an abandoned child who is in shock that you're walking away. so it's hard to visit her because she gets upset when we leave and she realizes she's not coming with us. so our visits upset her,and yet we can't not visit. she'd think we'd forgotten her entirely.
she's in a locked alzhiemers unit,even though she has a different kind of dementia as well as lou gehrig's disease,which wastes the muscle. it affected her in the throat first,so she lost her speech a while ago and has trouble eating.she chokes even on liguids because the swallowing muscles barely work,so she's on a soft food diet.
sometimes it doesn't seem real that this has happened to my mother. maybe that's a way of coping. one of my nieces,who's 15,has asked to not go visit anymore,because it really upsets her,and she wants to remember her grammy the way she was. i certainly understand that,especially at her age,and fortunately her mother,my sister,does too.
the place where my mother is has a locked in courtyard,so at least they are able to go outside when it's nice out.
now i need to find the birthday card i bought for my sister sara so i can write it out and pop it in the mail today.
i have a little bit of ambition to do some cleaning today. since there is much that could be done,i hope this energy doesn't run out too quickly,but if times past are any indication,it won't last long. but things can always take a different turn,can't they? it does happen.
i also want to make a tape for my mother today. a long time ago,i recorded her playing an old folk song set to piano called 'spoon river'. it's very quirky,and is very emotional and tells a story through sound. (as far as i know,it doesn't have lyrics.) it's one of my favorites. i recorded it on one of those little portable tape players,so it isn't technically great,but i love it anyway. not only do i love the song,but it's my mother playing it for me,so it has great sentimental value. anyway,she doesn't have her own copy,so i am going to tape it and hopefully bring it to her tomorrow. because of her severe dementia,i don't know if she will even remember it. and also she doesn't seem to want to do anything when i go visit her so i hope i can interest her in listening to it. i thought it might be a good idea to tape it over and over on the same tape so that whenever she puts it in the tape player,it will be playing. i don't know if she can even understand the concept of rewinding so i thought this might make it easier for her.
i'm rather apprehensive about visiting her,because last time i couldn't interest her in anything,and she just kept walking around,so all i could do was follow her,which is a strange way to visit. then she wanted me to take her out,but i dont do that anymore,which is sad,because she fights-and she's still pretty physically strong-anytime one of her kids who's visiting her goes to leave. she wants to come home with us. and the look on her face is the saddest thing...like an abandoned child who is in shock that you're walking away. so it's hard to visit her because she gets upset when we leave and she realizes she's not coming with us. so our visits upset her,and yet we can't not visit. she'd think we'd forgotten her entirely.
she's in a locked alzhiemers unit,even though she has a different kind of dementia as well as lou gehrig's disease,which wastes the muscle. it affected her in the throat first,so she lost her speech a while ago and has trouble eating.she chokes even on liguids because the swallowing muscles barely work,so she's on a soft food diet.
sometimes it doesn't seem real that this has happened to my mother. maybe that's a way of coping. one of my nieces,who's 15,has asked to not go visit anymore,because it really upsets her,and she wants to remember her grammy the way she was. i certainly understand that,especially at her age,and fortunately her mother,my sister,does too.
the place where my mother is has a locked in courtyard,so at least they are able to go outside when it's nice out.
no subject
I'm sure on some level, though, the song could bring her comfort.