autopsychoanalysis of the moment

[bluegreen17]

i'm thinking of taken a virtual vow of silence*.

i feel like i'm wise...or feel like i have some wisdom...when i feel good,but feel like i know nothing when i feel bad. in either case,what is true? and am i confusing others as much as i'm confusing myself? i hate the fact that i seem to be two polar opposite people who just cannont communicate or connect at all. my therapist says i'm not bipolar though. i told how i feel like i'll never be happy when i feel sad and that i'll never be sad again when i'm happy and she said that was 'typical'. typical of everyone? of depressed people? i'll have to ask her to clarify. i really really hate that.
when i'm sad,i feel like an idiot to have every written anything that i thought i 'knew' when i was happy. and when i'm happy,i hate the miserable part of me who whined when i was sad. i feel embarrassed. how do i win with this scenario?

did i mention that i really really hate being this way?
~~~~~
*probably temporary,if at all. i mean,who am i kidding? not expressing myself is almost like holding my breath.

Comments

[jayteeone.livejournal.com]

I've felt that way. You have to find a happy median, which is easier said than done. Good luck, it sounds like therapy is working, even though it might not feel that way to you.

[icdedpeople.livejournal.com]

perhaps you're just dysthymic? i don't think you have to be bipolar to feel that way. i've tended to be dysthymic but never bipolar, and i know what that's like to thin in either state "what was i thinking?"

[bluegreen17]

interesting. anyway,i think it's fucked up to think that way,which is why it bothers me!