i want my maypo.

[bluegreen17]

okay so what i really want is a pint of ben and jerry's half-baked (brownies and choc chip cookie dough in yogurt...yum.) and i will have it after i eat my rice and veggies. perhaps it will elevate my sagging spirits. which reminds me,i still haven't found a good bra. life is so embarrassing and i guess i just must laugh at myself.

tomorrow i am going to see my psychotherapist and i think i'm going to take a break. i just dread going,and it just takes up time that i wish i had more of. maybe i'll feel more relaxed after my vacation,though i just had a very lazy vacation in march,which i enjoyed.

last time i was there,my therapist just basically made me feel like i was hopelessly fucked up. or at least that's how i felt in reaction to her constant 'so what are you going to DO? when i don't know,and i need some help in sorting it out. hell,i don't even really know what i WANT. i don't seem to want anything enough to make much effort. which could be great if i'm going to be more zen. but,okay,i do know i want more out of life than THIS.

even though i'm being really negative right now,i've actually been a bit more positive lately. i've been reading some 'new thought' books which is related to positive thinking,and i think it's helped somewhat. but today i'm just rather a bit low and reactive. i just read of plans to build 'four fast lanes' on the road that i have to drive on to visit my mother. i don't know why it bothers me so much,but it does. i hate high speed highways. as it is,this road is right now a 50 mph two-way and that's faster than i like to drive. needless to say,i'm not a nascar fan. just watching that would give me a heart attack,i think.

okay,so i do have one irrational want that i will admit to,and probably have before. it's a variation of the tall dark stranger on a white horse who will save me from my miserable life fallacy.

i just want a male best friend. which really doesn't fit in with how people are,though that shouldn't matter in a sense,if i find a guy who likes the idea too. not bloody likely,though. and another person is not going to make me happy (though they may make me smile more...but then again,they may make me frown more!),but i can't get that through my thick skull. i've been trying to tell myself that it's just plain silly for how many years? and i don't want to hear 'there's someone for everyone'. at least not while i'm in a bad mood. ha.

thank you for reading,if anyone did.

Comments

[bayliss.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[bluegreen17]

thanks.
hmmmmm.....and who is that girl hiding behind billy?

[bayliss.livejournal.com]

The girl is an assistant at C3 just some random girl... *smiles*

I couldn't get her edited out of the picture... ^_^

*hugs you some more*

[nimoy.livejournal.com]

Now that you mention it-- I could use some Ben & Jerry lovin' as well.

[bluegreen17]

go for it,honey!

: )

[autumnfaerie.livejournal.com]

I read it. I always read, even if I don't comment.

I have to say though, that third paragraph pretty much sums up my life, too. I don't know what I want either, but I want SOMETHING...and what I got now is NOT IT. I guess the only thing we can do is keep looking till we find it. I know that's not any comfort, but I don't really know what else to say!

Ha, you won't hear that "there's someone for everyone" crap from THIS bitter woman. I understand what you mean there, too. Just someone to talk to, to hang out with, go places with. Someone that just wants to spend time with you because you're YOU and likes you the way you are. Ok, maybe that's reading a lot into that, that's just what I thought of when I read that.

Either way, you hang in there ok? I still care. *hugs*

[bluegreen17]

oh,i think you get the picture pretty well!

if i get my 'positive thinking' in better working order,i'll let you know how my experiments with life go. maybe there's a way to do more than hang in...i'd rather *bounce* off those silly cliffs...

Re:

[autumnfaerie.livejournal.com]

I wish you all the luck for your positive thinking, I think you're going to do pretty darn well with it! Take care!

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

I'm not at all convinced there's someone for everyone, so don't worry that I'll tell you that! But the idea of looking for a male best friend is appealing. Maybe just making more friends in general... I don't know about you, but I really need to get out more.

Erm, okay, I really don't have anything to say. Just wanted to let you know that somebody's reading.

[bluegreen17]

i'd like to get out more. i'd like to meet more interesting people. i work in a place where i see tons of people every day,and yet it's not so easy to 'meet' them,if that makes any sense. i'd like to find more time for things too...i'm not sure how to do that,so i'm going to see where my spiritual experiments take me.

[jayteeone.livejournal.com]

Since I have no one's arms to crawl into B&J Uncanny Cashew will have to do tonight.