on ice

[bluegreen17]

havent' heard anything from my sister,but as my other sister wrote,it's 'god day' so they're busy.

i am debating whether i should apologize for the TONE of my email...it was pretty intense,and i did make some sarcastic comments,as well as mentioning three times that i felt suicidal quite often. but my buddies here are used to that,aren't you? yes,i still have a sense of humor...it's the only way to have a moment's peace in hell.

anyway,i live in a very cool town...jonny lang collects carriages in the parking lot,and now ewan mcgregor works at the video store! ha. well,he lost his accent though,but he's still cute. honestly,if i'd been in a bolder mood,i would have said to this guy 'has anyone ever told you that you look like...'. maybe it's just as well that i didn't though,because he seemed kind of shy and i think he was new so he was probably a bit nervous.
plus,he's probably twenty so maybe it wouldn't be too cool for me to be flirting with him. anyway,i sure enjoyed having him check me out (as in checking out the videos...WHAT are you thinking? only older guys check me out,if anyone!)

i just finishing watching 'mystery alaska' this afternoon. it was kind of uneven for a while,but the ending made it such a great movie! the ending is not what you'd expect and yet it is soooo inspiring.once i finished watching it, i wanted to watch it again because i'd gotten to love the characters,but it was due back today. i'll probably rent it again...i love being inspired,and i love good characters and acting. russell crowe was great as usual,and i loved his character. it's a town with a bunch of hockey players. i enjoyed the part of the movie that is the game,and it reminded me how much i used to love watching hockey. i prefer college and olympic hockey because it's faster,more elegant and more focusing on skating and skill.i don't like fighting and brutality in hockey. nevertheless,i followed the boston bruins through my high school years and really enjoyed it.i used to watch every game on a tv station that came in fuzzy...pretty funny,since i couldn't really see the puck!

today was a wonderful summer's day. i did two loads of laundry and it still stayed comfortable in here. i sat next to my open window with a small fan on low and it was great. later on,my mom got too warm (she has a low tolerance for heat and i have a low tolerance for humidity) so we put on the ac even though i felt comfortable but no need for her to suffer. it's gorgeous this evening and we've got the windows open again. it's all pretty nice except someone's got a pounding stereo i can hear but hopefully it won't be on forever. and i still haven't heard from my sister (i feel she owes me an apology,but i'll probably end up apologizing first...hell,do i want to be right or do i want to be at peace?)

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

i'm only responding to this one because it is your latest entry, but whatever i write most likely won't be directly pertinent to it, although i did enjoy mystery alaska. and if you are looking for characters that love life, try reading "on the road" or "dharma bums" by jack kerouac. just don't read about the life of jack kerouac:( so you sound sad. the fact that you sometimes want to kill yourself tipped me off to such things. you need what everyone in this world needs, and that is self confidence. from things you've written i've seen that you are into buddhism and one of buddhisms basic premises is that there is no self. here's where the "contradiction" comes in. mind you that hegel.. or one of the 'h' philosophers once said-- any well thought out idea ends in contradiction, and wittenger once said-- words should bring us to the silence of things--- and i think he is alluding ot the comment above whether he knows it or not. so, there is no self, yet, one of the most important concepts in mahayana buddhism is the idea of having unlimited friendliness. but as you must have figured out by now, to be sincerely friendly, you must be so self assured, yet friendliness in and of itself is the idea of being completely unselfconcious and just smiling and screaming hello. a contradiction. we are all going to die. keep that in mind as you spend your days but don't let it depress you. instead have it make you put all of your problems into perspective. don't object to doing something because you feel like you should object. people do that ALL the time i feel like. and lastly, keep in mind that human beings, yes you too, have the capacity to do SOOO much more good then they are aware of. so much more. we are all gods, you just need to tap into that. there's no point in being depressed no matter how bad thigns get. read zen, and tap into your "third eye" and have a wonderful day.