bluegreen17 | cause i'm tired of tryin'

i figured i'd let God speak to me through the radio today. that seems to work pretty well.

the first song i heard was astoundly appropriate to how i'm feeling right now - foo fighters' 'learn to fly'.

i'm looking to the sky to save me
looking for a sign of life
look for something to help me burn out bright

i'm looking for a complication
lookin' cause i'm tired of trying
make my way back home and learn to

fly along with me i can't quite make it alone
try to make this life my own
fly along with me i can't quite make it alone
try to make this life my own

i want a personal God and maybe i can't have what i want,because maybe such a personal God doesn't exist. maybe God doesn't exist,but still i seem to sense SOMETHING. i have too many synchronicities in my life to think there's not some kind of intelligence at least trying to connect with me. it just seems that God is either powerless or unwilling to help me,and it really feels like more of the former,which makes no sense. how could God be so powerless? really,i feel like i get help and grace in little things quite a lot,but the way my life is,i need more than a little help. and i do the best i can on my own. i can be really needy which is why i try not to expect too much from people,but i thought it was okay to be 'needy' with God. isn't God an exception? if i have to treat God like my fellow human beings then God isn't really God,in my opinion.

don't know if i'm making any sense here. some folks might kind of know where i'm coming from,maybe.

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I half expected you to say it had been Depeche Mode's Personal Jesus.

In any case, God seems to be neither, both, and all of the above, all rolled into one. Anyway, isn't God supposed to be ineffable? So anything might be right!

I'm babbling now. Out.

There's a note in one of the gospels that Jesus visited some place or other but could do no mighty work there because of the people's lack of faith. So even someone who believed that the *omnipotent* God had come to live with people in human form could believe that this God's works would be blocked by human beliefs or actions or something. It's an odd idea, but maybe it's part of the structure of the universe that the Creator's activities are sometimes limited by the creation.

yes,i remember that story. and another where jesus said 'your faith has made you well' or something like that. i don't have much faith,though i wish i did and i don't know how to 'get' faith,so sometimes i feel rather doomed! i mean,i don't know what the problem is,so how can i fix it? honestly,i keep asking God for answers...and if i don't get any,what can i do?

what you're saying does make a lot of sense to me,as it reminds me of something in process philosophy that God never forces his decisions or will on anyone. but when i'm asking God what is your will and get no answers? i'm stumped. i've even asked what i am doing to 'block' things...and still no answers.maybe someday it will be all clear to me. thanks for your note!

Love that song by the Foo Fighters, although I don't know many others by them. I've often thought many of the same things you're wondering about here. It's impossible to say what God is or is not, since He's way beyond our understanding. All I know is that most of the time He doesn't do what I WANT Him to do.

That may be bad, but it's probably good more often than not. Still, it rather sucks from my limited perspective.

re: foo fighters. i seem to have one song i adore on each album,'everlong','aurora',and 'times like these' are my favorites.

i admire your steadfast faith in light of many questions. it makes me feel like a 'bad' person because i don't have faith,but is that something i can control? i ponder that.anyway.

Don't misunderstand me. My faith wavers constantly. I'm far from "steadfast" in my eyes. Even though I'll never again question God's existence, it doesn't mean I don't question Him. I do. Often.

As if I'm qualified.

I understand what you're saying.

at least, we can only hope God doesn't mind us being needy. cause man, I sure as hell am.

I definitely understand all this. You aren't alone, that's for sure. *hugs*
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I know what you mean about finding a personal God. sometimes I feel so separated and disconnected from God. I want a more open tapline, you know?

cause i'm tired of tryin'

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