bluegreen17 | (no subject)

maybe mom was right. maybe i do expect too much out of life.

i want to have a partner in life. i want to have a job i like that pays my rent. i want to be happy a bit more often than i am. i want to not have to worry about surviving. i want to be wise enough to save myself and not look for saving by someone else. i want to be able to take care of myself and have trust that i can do so.

i don't want to end up as another eleanor rigby,only poorer. i don't want to create problems or hardship for my sisters.

i'm on vacation this week,and i have no money to go out and have lunch with anyone even if i felt perky enough to do so. (i don't like to bother people when i'm depressed,so i bother my lj buddies,who at least have the option to read or not,so i'm not imposing so much.) i don't have any friends close enough so that i would feel comfortable just having them come over and hang out,since i have no money. though i am going to call my sister sara and see if she might want to hang out on saturday. i'm grateful for her being a fun person,a comfortable person to be around,and for living not too far away and not minding driving here once in a while. at least i have one close friend who i can see once in a while. but i'm still sad.

sorry i've been such a downer lately. i'd much rather be somewhat entertaining. wish me luck in finding some way of pulling myself up from this rut of depression i've been in for a few weeks now. i've thought of therapy or medication again,but i can't afford it,so i'm not sure what other options there are beyond just suffering.

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i do wish you luck and hope you can begin to pull out of this trough. it's harder to do without the meds and therapy, but i know it can be done. do you have any of the cognitive workbooks, like dr. burns' Feeling Good? they're not cure-alls, but they can help when the downer thought-patterns feel like they're taking over. i'll be keeping you in mind.

i'll look for that book when i go to the library. i know it's popular,but glancing through it never really grabbed me. still,it's worth a try. thank goodness for libraries!

you think it 'can be done' without meds or therapy? that's encouraging to know. thanks!

burns' basic book is good, and there's a big workbook to go with it. i've used the techniques at times when depression (and/or anxiety) was making living hard and unpleasant, both with and without therapy. i refused medications even when everyone was begging me to take them (not something i'm proud of, but my fear of the medication was as strong as my anxiety) and managed to get better using the techniques. my son objects that the approach is like applying a band-aid to a major wound, but i think it does make sense: as i changed the way i thought about things, my feelings really did follow. not automatically, but in time, yes, i felt much better. i hope you do, too.

actually,i think meds are the band-aids. i think cognitive work is healing,if you can do it,whereas the meds just treat the symptoms. just my opinion,anyway! good to know you've had some success with the cognitive stuff.

I really hope you're able to find something that helps you. I know too much about depression and lack of funds.
*hugs & good thoughts*

thank you!

Hey there...
I know exactly what you are feeling. I don't think you expect too much out of life at all butI understand what you mean. I think the same thing sometimes that you do that I just expect to much. But the things you listed are the very basics of life though and very good goals.

I am a stay at home mom and have been frustrated and restless for several years about things in my own life. LOL All the things you mentioned are things that I myself would like to accomplish meself. So I identfy with what you said. But I don't know what is holding me back. Well actually I think I do know. Several things. Its just a matter of going about changing them I guess.

I want to be able to earn my own money and get some of my independence back and not be all dependent on my husband and I want to do something I love not just whatever for the money. ya know? But I am constantly pulled and worry about all these scenarios of how things will or wont go. And then I feel like I should be there for the kids and put things of for myself. I want to pick up some hobbies. learn to water color, learn to fiddle and several other things.

But I wanted you to know that I identify alot with what you said. ;)
~~~Maevey xoxo

thanks for your thoughts! and i do especially hope you get to 'fiddle' eventually. fiddles sound so great,and i can see with your taste in music how you would be attracted to learning that!

Thinking of you...

you are always interesting no matter what your mood. never apolgize. i just wish i lived closer so we could see how it would go if we were able to hang out. :o) *hug*
patti

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band-aids?

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