there is no try?

[bluegreen17]

many mornings i feel depressed and/or worried and i have to force myself to get out of bed and start the day,or try to talk myself into it,or whatever. this morning it went really badly. i planned to get up at 11:30 but didnt manage to until 1:00. and i'm going to be late for work (i'm eating lunch now) but at least i'm going to work at all.

i googled 'stop struggling with yourself' because i saw a book with that title at work yesterday but later on couldn't find it. instead i found a webpage called trying to be contemplative by gerald may that included this:

lightly consider not adding any trying to what is already going on. Experiment with allowing yourself to be led. Might it be possible to put some of your striving energy into praying for what you want? Bring your desires and willingness to God instead of taking things into your own hands as if you were on your own. We are not on our own. We never have been. God's loving mercy is freely given here in this very moment, ready to be trusted. It is everywhere and in every moment--even, as Tilden says in his article, in the greatest tragedies.

Maybe we all have to go through trying to be contemplative. It does express our desire, and maybe it teaches us something about what contemplation is and is not. It certainly teaches us about self-will. But there comes a time when trying is finished, a time that is given. This summer I'll be going into the desert alone again. I'm sure I'll want to be contemplative. I hope and pray that I won't impose my ideas and efforts about contemplation on whatever God has in store for me there. If my eyes seek the beauty of the sky, if my limbs want to move over the land, if my thoughts want to roam, I hope God will save me from the arrogance of calling such things distractions. I want to be who I am in the wilderness as it is, with God as God chooses to be. This is also what I pray for right here, right now.

i've prayed in the past and it doesn't seem to help much,but i suppose i can give it another....try? or just do it.
doesn't mean i will get any results.as often happens,i'm having a hard time believe in any god or other spiritual help these days. because i wonder if my emotional pain will ever lessen,or if anything substantially good will ever happen in my life. sigh.

Comments

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

i like gerald may. he wrote a book years ago that i found very comforting, called Simply Sane. he has a gentle touch.

like you, i haven't seen *results* from prayer the way many people claim to. no parking spaces when i need one, no dramatic healings, no direction when i'm lost. this leaves me not sure whether i believe in a god who acts. still, the act of prayer can be calming for me. sometimes it makes me feel very focused and clear, a bit like meditation, probably.

i may've said this to you before, but back when i was in so much emotional pain i could barely move, i thought it would be that way forever. recovery was slooooooooooow, so slow. but gradually i came out of it. i hope you begin to see movement forward, too.

[aprilstorme.livejournal.com]

I say go for it. Is there anything you really have to lose?

Prayer has always worked for me. Maybe it's because I expect it to. I dont have any doubts. Sometimes I just forget to pray. Thats when I get into trouble.

Allow yourself to pray and dont think to yourself 'i dont think this will do any good'. The universe has a funny way of embracing believers. Try it even if it didnt work before.

Btw thanks for the post...just what I needed to hear right now :)

[(Anonymous)]

patti

[snack.livejournal.com]

do you have the book 'seat of the soul' by zukav? if you can find that book - i think it might help with the concept of prayer. i think i have a link to the amazon description on my books page - http://brokenpurplecrayon.com/books.htm

[(Anonymous)]

i can understand why you're so shaken di. your job is your financial lifeline. you have enough to worry about in life without having that area becoming a stress zone as well. hang in there. maybe once the rough waters of change settle down, you'll be able to adjust at least until you have enough time to formulate a plan to get things back to the way you need and want them to be. i'm rooting for ya!
patti

[jayteeone.livejournal.com]

The hardest part about prayer and a relationship with God at all is submitting yourself to His will willingly. We don't want to submit. As C.S.Lewis once wrote and I paraphrase, "we're given the choice to serve in heaven or rule in hell..." We don't want to serve, we want to be served, but the goods in hell aren't good. Prayer works because we are realizing that we can't do this on our own. We are realizing that we need help, and we are calling out for it. This is especially hard for Americans who live on the illusion of independence. We are all interdependent and always have been.

Prayer works not because we barter with God. God doesn't barter. It works because we submit to His supremacy.