bluegreen17 | change it and/or let it be

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change it and/or let it be

a major theme for me is synthesis and reconcilation. understanding that all is one,in the jnana yoga way. through the mind. i sense,sometimes,that the path of the heart/devotion is superior,but it seems blocked to me. or perhaps i have been given the kind of mind i have because the way of knowledge is my path. i don't know.there is much i don't know.

i mention this right now because i'm so often confused about what is real,what is truth,etc. i just borrowed a copy of deepak chopra's new book the spontaneous fulfillment of desire. it's about intention,synchronicity,and being proactive...making your dreams come true,as so many of his books,and many books in general are. i really like his stuff. the last one i read was about golf and enlightenment. it really inspired me.

but then...i pick up a book like hardcore zen which really seems to be about the opposite of being proactive,which is being accepting about what life brings to you,or accepting God's will,or going with the flow.

they seem so opposite,and this bothers me and i strive to see how they can make sense and both be true.

it's possible,too,that they are just different ways to get to the same place. if so,i can't decide which path to take myself.accepting life as it is is very hard for me,especially right now,since there are sooo many things about my life i don't like. so i like to think i can change it. but on the other hand,i have had very little success in changing or improving my life in recent years,so it is hard to motivate myself and feel hopeful. when i feel very depressed,i feel like i am possessed,though i hate to use that word. i hate the person i can be,which i know is the wrong thing to do.

i also think i must stay alone because the bad part of me(the more-often angry,depressed part) does not seem to be off-set enough by the cheery,funny,friendly,kind part of me.
how could i subject someone to live with me when i'm like that and feel powerless to improve? which just makes me sadder. but i think there's still hope,even if it's crazy to think so.

i was just going to talk about the broader ideas in this entry,but then i slid down into my own woes again.

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What about doing what you can, what you're capable of, being proactive ... and then accepting whatever happens. Could that be the key both ideas being the same thing?

well,that makes sense.sometimes i don't see the obvious,and i appreciate the fact that people can share their clear-seeing wisdom with me. that reminds me of the serenity prayer.

both are true. you simply must accept the things you can not change and change the things you can.
the odd thing is that the change can be a tiny thing like going a different way to work or adding a bit of exercise or even accepting that you can not control everything and simply must let go of that.

I hope that makes a bit of sense. *smiles*

well,i like that. it embraces both and i like that nondual approach. each in its own time,i suppose.and knowing which. something simple and wise like the serenity prayer.
thanks!

i was just going to talk about the broader ideas in this entry,but then i slid down into my own woes again.

Those were still some pretty broad ideas...

Interesting that you should mention Jnana yoga, because the various Yogas are, at least theoretically, aimed at people with different capabilities. So maybe the two approaches (preemptive action vs. acceptance) are ideal for different people? Or maybe you need to know when to use one and when to use the other? Crowley says of magic (assuming that's a path representative of premptive action) that you mustn't lust for results. You need to focus on the action you are taking and not the desired outcome, because sometimes the outcome you get is what you need but not precisely what you asked for. So given that theory, perhaps preemptive action only lets you "meet the universe halfway" but you still have to learn to adapt with humility to the half that the universe brings you.

Well, all I really wanted to say was a "yeah" because I'm stuck on that one too.

wow.that's impressive that crowley thought that way. i've never explored his stuff because his negativity caused me to give his stuff a wide berth. i'm too suggestible,so believe it or not,i'm very discriminating in what i choose to take in...i rarely watch anything gory,because i'll have nightmares. a few years back,i had to stop watching 'e.r.' just before i went to bed,because it just got stuck in my psyche.

That's very Buddhist... the idea of "mental nutriment" and maintaining the purity of your mental space.

Crowley is one of those "primary sources" (like, for example, Kant) who is hard to extract the good parts out of unless you either spend a lot of time on it, or get a guided introduction (as I did from a friend in college.) It seems to me that he was mainly a mischievous attention-grabber, most of the sensationalistic stuff (like "killing babies") was written by him as metaphors for other processes (like masturbating and throwing away the semen) and he tended to fail to correct misconceptions. My opinion about it is that I wouldn't have wanted to know him in person, but he achieved a lot of insight (and nonsense too), so for the most part the usefulness of what he accomplished has had to be transmogrified and assimilated through the writing of the next generation.

He did write a phenomenal work on yoga, though, which is G rated and very clear... http://www.hermetic.com/crowley/yoga/index.html

When I was back in Philly and struggling with everything that I needed to accomplish in order to get to Nebraska, I was sorting through some ancient papers when I came across a scrap with this written on it:

When one eye is fixed on the destination, there is only one eye to search for the way.

I don't know if I copied that from somewhere or made it up, I can't even remember writing it but by the handwriting I must have done it ages ago. I'm not sure that it has anything to do with what you are talking about either, I just felt that since that little quote cleared my head and helped me get to where I was going, it would be a good thing to share.

I'm curious what it means to you. Should both eyes search for the way (leaving none fixed on the destination)?

Absolutely that is what it means to me. But "to me" is the operative couple of words there. :)

It seemed to work that way for me during the spring. I was so focused on where I wanted to be that I wasn't paying any attention to where I actually was or to what I needed to do to get to where I wanted to be. Because of that, nothing was getting done, the day of departure was drawing nigh and I was simply not going to be ready to go.

When I stopped focusing on the destination, telling myself to just let go, the place would be there next time I looked, I was able to attend to my life in a much more focused manner. Things got done and I was more calm because of it. And lo! Nebraska was here waiting for me when next I peered this way.

i wonder if different approaches work for different people at different times! if you read 'new thought' stuff they tell you to picture the final outcome and let god take care of the details. but i know what you mentioned has worked for you...i think about this stuff so much i get totally confused! but i still think there's got to be an answer i'm not seeing somewhere...some point of perception and understanding. the downsize to being interested in comparative religions and different philosophies is that they can contradict each other...the upside is that you find some of the same things popping up again and again...

i feel like i've just painted myself into a corner or twisted myself into a pretzel...

i wonder if different approaches work for different people at different times

I believe so. We are each unique so it makes sense that things work differently for different people.

I like to think of my experience with that quote along the lines of sigilism, where I had a concrete image of myself at the destination and then let it settle into my subconscious. Of course, I still had to do the work to get me here. I don't know how I feel about god taking care of the details. I see it as god telling me what to do (or in this case where to go) and showing me the way, but if I had done nothing to get here I would still be in Philly.

And, too, I don't think that religions, or more to the point spiritual beliefs, contradict each other. I think at their core they each say the same thing. It is waffling through the crap to get to the core that can be the problem.

Or that's my opinion anyway. ;)

"i just borrowed a copy of deepak chopra's new book the spontaneous fulfillment of desire. it's about intention,synchronicity,and being proactive...making your dreams come true,as so many of his books,and many books in general are. i really like his stuff. the last one i read was about golf and enlightenment. it really inspired me.

but then...i pick up a book like hardcore zen which really seems to be about the opposite of being proactive,which is being accepting about what life brings to you,or accepting God's will,or going with the flow."

I've been struggling with this problem for awhile as well. An interesting idea occurred to me a few weeks back, though, that I think might shed some understanding on the two mind-modes. (Though like I said, it's a relatively new idea, so I haven't investigated it much yet.)

The acceptance mind-mode is, imo, to have no preference. Without preference, you have no expectation, and so you experience everything with equal attention.

The pro-active state you talk about, what I call the want mind-mode, is different from the acceptance mind-mode in that you do have a preference. You are pursuing a want and so feel positive feelings when you accomplish something that's efficacious to fulfilling that want and feel negative emotions when you encounter an impediment to fulfilling that want.

Here's where the idea I had a couple of weeks ago comes in though. For it occurred to me that one can still be in the acceptance mind-mode within the want-mind-mode. That idea hit me like a brick.

It works as such - let's say you have a want. Any want. Once you adopt this want, it's like your mind has put on a cloak. Whereas before, in the acceptance mind-mode, it was completely open to whatever it was experiencing, with no preferences, now that it has the want-mode cloak on, that want encompasses the macro-acting of the brain. So then all of your emotions you feel are now set within the framework of fulfilling this want.

But the important part is that though the macro-acting of the brain may be governed by the want framework, the micro-acting of the brain can still be governed by the acceptance-mode. ie, you accept the want you have, accept the negative emotions you feel when impediments arise, accept the positive emotions you feel when you're making progress toward that want, and act naturally. Act naturally meaning, as someone pointed out above - don't be outcome driven. (Which I call the expectation mind-mode.)

The whole point being that once you've adopted a want, you can still stay present in the moment, accepting the want and accepting the progress or lack of progress you're making towards it, and ultimately accepting equally whether or not you've achieved the want.

Now, you may think, "Well, wait a damn minute. If I equally accept whether or not I achieve the want, it will never get done!" But, from my brief trials at doing this, I actually find myself MORE efficacious to achieving a want when I know that I will accept whatever the outcome is. It frees me up from the what-if thinking, and ego-driven worries, instead allowing me to put my attention on the task at hand.

Darts for instance. Whenever I just accept the number I'm aiming at and then just simply observe myself throwing the dart, instead of thinking how much I really need to hit it and how important it is, etc, then I actually seem to hit the number with much greater frequency. It's like my thinking is no longer interfering with my muscles, which already know what to do.

It's analagous to chaos theory. In chaos theory, there are attractor spaces that values are limited to fall within. No one knows where exactly the values will fall (hence the "chaos"), but they do know they will fall somewhere within that space. That's how I see acceptance mind-mode within want mind-mode. Adopting a want makes burst into existence an attractor space. From that point on, your acceptance mind-mode still exists, but now instead of it being open to the entire universe, it is confined within the framework of your want-mode attractor space.

If this is true, it would mean one could have the constancy of the acceptance mind-mode at all times, while still being able to pursue wants when they like.

hot damn! now there's a theory well-thought out. that could be interesting to see how it works in day-to-day life.

i think it's some weird thing like having desire but not being attached to whether you attain it or not. so the buddhist tenet may not be not to have desire,but not to have attachment. in fact,i have read some interpretations of the four noble truths that is more like that.

thanks for sharing that...perhaps i'll experiment with it.

"thanks for sharing that...perhaps i'll experiment with it."

You bet.

I felt a little anxious about the length, but it helped me verbalize some things I've had rattling around in my head for awhile.

reading..... :o) i probably have a lot to say too but i'm afraid i'll wind myself up if i get started!

Hi!

I've been reading your posts as we somehow came to be on one another's friends list. Hope you don't mind some miscellaneous commentary, specifically the 13th to this entry.

*Grins*

In Daoism, a spiritual and philosophic movement that became Zen when blended with Buddhism actually, going with the flow and following the pervading current exist simultaneously. One accomplishes more with less by acting in accordance with the natural order of things, by agreeing if you will with synchronicities. A teacher of mine once told me the story of a young butcher's assistant and his master.

The apprentice was watching his mentor cut meat, mimicing what the older man did as exactly as he could. Regardless of what he attempted, the cuts he made were ungainly, ugly, and dulling to the knife. The young fellow asked his teacher: "Master, how is it that your cuts are so pleasing to the eye and how I have never seen you need to retool your blade even once in many, many weeks?" The meat-cutter's reply was simple: "In twenty years, I have never needed to sharpen my knife. I follow the meat and let the cuts land where they need to be. Let your mind be at ease and follow where intuition guides you. The blade knows the way."

Does this make any sense?

yes,it does make sense in my head. my challenge is going with the flow in everyday life.sometimes i'm able to do it,or sometimes i just realize i'm IN the flow of things,but i'm not sure how to make it a way of life. i think i somehow make some things difficult for myself. though in truth right now my circumstances arent' the best,and it all depends on whether i believe i'm responsible for every circumstance in my life. such as...my mother slowly dying in a nursing home from lou gehrig's disease and working full-time but still not earning enough to pay all my bills without help. did i create that? depends on what belief system i adopt...

thanks for your thoughts and the story!

article about focusing on actions rather than results,therefore feeling a sense of accomplishment because of effort rather than results.
(ref:network marketing mag*).
papertygre's comment made me think of that just now.

*don't think network marketing is a good thing,but 'networking times' has given me a lot of good ideas!

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change it and/or let it be

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Acceptance mind-mode and Want mind-mode

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note to self