bluegreen17 | challenge to god

challenge to god

i'm pissed off at god for not existing.

(i think terry pratchett said that first)

well,actually i'm pissed off at god but still hope s/he exists.
if jacob could wrestle an angel,then i think it's okay if i get mad at god.

i can't understand how a loving and all powerful god would allow people to suffer the way that they do. no answers have totally satisfied me.

right now i'm just so angry and depressed that i'd just like to say this to god:

if you exist,and you care and you have any power,prove it.

i think there's some line in the bible that says not to 'test' god,though i could be wrong.

but then again,the bible holds truth but not always literally,and i have my doubts as to the accuracy of the translations since the language of biblical times was aramaic.

i guess you could call this extreme diary writing.

so be it.

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Many awful, terrible things happen in this world... and they will continue to happen. I am certain that the choices that people make, not only break other peoples hearts... but also the heart of the creator (who or whatever we shall call That, even if it be that God is within us, it is our heart that breaks at evil).

But, we can not be responsible for the choices that other people make, can we? We can only be responsible for our own choices, and our own reactions to the ways things appear in this world.

If you want proof that there is a God, then look at the wonderful things...including your very life and soul... that are beautiful and precious. You are beautiful, and precious... because you were made in the image of the creator. Look at your heart, and how it aches... you have a sensitive heart. That is what you are called to have. It is the heart of God. Look there, and you will find what you have been looking for.

We all have a free choice, and we all experience the consenquenses for the choices we make. One thing that most major scriptures (holy writings) do say is that, unfortunately....one persons "sin" or error, can effect many generations. Examples could be...abuse. We learn or unlearn from what we were exposed to in our youth by our parents. Our parents used the skills they were exposed to by their parents (our grandparents). Our grandparents raised our parents by the example of the way they were raised. See any connections?

A movie I rented, (and bought) that showed a most perfect example of that concept of the "Sins of our parents"... was a wonderful movie called, "The Joy Luck Club". I am certain it is still available at most bigger video stores...as a old release. It is a very, very good movie. Also, the music is wonderful... I bought the sound track to the movie...and use it for meditation and TaiChi!

I love you Moonriver. Please don't be sad. I would be happy to write to you and share thoughts with you if you ever want someone to share with.

Love, Teawhiskers

thank you for your very kind and thoughtful note.

sometimes i feel we don't have choices,or at least no good ones. anyway,that's just my thought. i feel trapped and i don't feel that i deserve having been depressed most of my life...i certainly don't think i made the choice to be sad. so i guess i don't really believe in that philosophy.
but i don't mean to be rude.

i have seen the joy luck club and actually found it rather depressing...i think it's because humans (including myself) disappoint me so much and it also may have to do with the sadness over the psychological separation i've felt with my mother for as long as i can remember.

on the other hand,i suppose so humans behave quite bravely and heroicly just surviving in this world. but i think the real cruelty of life is human caused. yes,mother nature can seem cruel,but for some reason i guess i don't think she has a conscience about it,whereas i would think a human being would. don't know if that makes sense. life seems very complex.

well,at least today i had a pretty good day. i swear it was because i ate some chocolate...i just need to find a medication that will do what chocolate does for me! it makes no sense,but the effect is defiinitely there!

I don't have anything chipper to say, but your journal entry reminded me of the lyric from a Randy Neuman song:

Oh Lord if you won't take care of us/
won't you please leave us alone...

Positive vibes.

(And to make matters worse, Aramaic and Hebrew were both used by Jesus and his followers, while some of the original documents only exist in Koine Greek recensions...and that's just the NT.)

thanks for the note and the positive vibes. i may not always be a believer in god,but vibes... yeah.

Don't take God's silence as an admission that God isn't there. Being angry at God is fine. I yell at God all the time, of course God tells back, just not in the way we expect. Something you might want to look into is a series of books called "Conversations With God". Hey, ya never know. Be well, we're plugging for you.

John

thanks john.
actually,i've read quite a bit of the cwg books. my favorite is communion with god. i like the mention of the notion that some beings learn without having to go through pain (though it needs to be acknowledged as part of nonduality) and i hope someday we as a species will rise to that.
still,when things go very badly for me,i doubt god's existence. and in spite of all the answers to the problem of suffering,including the one in those books,the magnitude of suffering of many people casts doubts on the benevolence,existence,and/or power of god.
well,at least today i had a pretty good day.
thanks again for your kind note.

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challenge to god

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