bluegreen17 | (no subject)

i'm really upset right now. it's 12:45 a.m. and i want to go to bed-i'm tired.but my furnace doesn't want to work anymore. i'm not going to go out and check if the pilot light is out,because i'll just get colder and i can't relight it anyway.i can't call anyone until morning,and who knows when they will get here. i could go to my sister's-though i'd wake her up-but i don't like driving that road in the daytime,never mind the night. i can't f**kin' sleep if i'm cold,and i'm cold already,and it's only going to get colder and colder outside for the next six or seven hours.

i hate hate hate being cold! i'm not going to die but i'm really upset and depressed about this and i'm COLD. i don't know what to do or where to go,and this means i'll miss work tomorrow,probably. how the hell am i going to feel if i don't fuckin' sleep!

god,i'm cold. i'm cold. i hate it.

i don't deal well with things going wrong especially in the middle of the night...

i'm cold i'm cold i'm cold.

i fuckin' hate everything at the moment. i will try to calm down.

damn. damn. damn.
i'm such a wimp.

update edit: 8 a.m.
i'm still alive. i'm tired,as i didn't sleep well,and when i did i had nightmares of the furnace people saying they couldn't come out here for days! i don't know how people survive power outtages,especially in places like canada. i guess you survive and suffer,that's all.

it's not as cold in here as i thought it would be...i guess the advantage of living in a condo unit with noisy neighbors is that their heating kept me warmer than if i was alone,so hurrah for that!

the propane company guy called and woke me up,but i'm glad he called. the repair guy(s) will be over in an hour or so,so i think i'm going to crawl back underneath the two wool blankets i dug out (i usually don't use them because they're a pain to wash...now there's one more thing to worry about...i don't quite know how to dry wool blankets without a clothesline!) and rest until they show up.

i got up and cleaned the toilet,moisturized my face (my face gets all dry while i sleep so who wants to look at a flaky face? not me,and probably not anyone else) and hid my leftover valentine's candy! i slept in my clothes so i wouldn't have to get dressed in the cold this morning,but i don't think i'm tooo skanky.i don't think i smell,but i feel grungy of course. that's great for my ocd! ha.sure tmi. and yeah,i'm weird.

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*warm hugs*

thanks. i appreciate that. i'm chilly but not as cold as i possibly could be!

brrr...moving to vancouver (my fantasy solution to improve my life,which i probably will never do) sounds good for more than one reason!

wow and to think i just asked you about your heat in email! is everything ok now? we went without power for over a week after an ice storm once. we would go out and turn on my van and warm up that way! we have a fireplace but that really only takes care of one room. i hope they checked the furnace first thing! come back and tell us what happened asap ok?
patti

sorry for not commenting your post, but I have a question for you. A few days ago you left a comment in my journal about Doc Roe from Band of Brothers when I was wondering why he acted so weird in 'Bastogne'. You told me he was experiencing 'battle fatigue'. Well, I remember reading from somewhere (can't remember where, I've visited so many BoB related sites lately) that he used his own morphine to himself. Do you know if there's truth in this rumour?

nah,i don't mind you talking about BOB rather than my furnace...much more interesting!

as for your question,i googled a bit but found nothing on this. on the one hand,i can see how this could have happened with some medics or anyone involved in the hell of war.drug addiction certainly occurred to a LOT of vietnam vets. on the other hand,a least part of the time there was a shortage of morphine and doc roe seemed to be highly regarded by many people...i remembered reading,possibly in the ambrose book,which i've read in bits and pieces,that he 'was always there when you needed him' or something to that effect. so personally i would guess that's not true. probably we'd never know...if it was true,his family and his comrades-in-arms that are still living may not admit to it,or talk about it,and i wouldn't blame them.

on a slightly related topic,meaning stuff about war that is not talked much about,i recently read the boys' crusade by paul fussell,which is mainly about many of the draftees in ww2 and how they got little training,were thrown into units where they knew no one and thus didn't have the looking-out-for-each-other bond that easy company and other units had...you can see it in how 'replacements' were treated in easy...understandable that the easy guys didn't want to get attached,because the replacements were more likely to die,but rather unkind and sometimes cruel to the poor guys who were replacements,especially if they were draftees and had no choice. what amazed me was the high incidence of deserters in ww2. it's something that's pretty much covered up,or at least was for years. i can understand the urge to be a deserter,though,since those poorly trained draftees had little chance of surviving under the circumstances.

ah,well,i went off on a tangent. i like learning about that stuff. i'd like to know how the units chose who would become the medics (i think very few were actually doctors) or the mortar team or machine gunners,etc. interesting stuff.

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doc and morphine