smart and miserable

[bluegreen17]

things can be true without being literally true,since literally means by the word,and words are only symbols-signposts pointing the way...tell that to those who take the bible literally,though...

-quoting myself from a response to solarfields

i think i'm so smart,but if i'm so smart,why am i so miserable? supposedly there's some correlation between intelligence and misery. i'm moderately intelligent,if you're talking about iq,which as we now know,is only one kind of intelligence. my iq is close to mensa level,but not quite. i think it's pretty obvious that i'm fairly intelligent but also pretty obvious that there are quite a few people more intelligent than i am.
and if i'm only moderately intelligent,why am i more than moderately depressed?

ah,well,it's not intelligence that's gonna get me 'cured' of my depression. it's wisdom that would do it. and i don't have enough of that,apparently.
wisdom is not necessarily related
to age,either. indeed,you can acquire wisdom with age,but i also think babies are born with wisdom and most of us lose that. and some folks are more innately wise than others,regardless of age.

i don't know of many folks who have 'cured' their depression,though a few have. and some 'manage' it with drugs fairly successfully,it seems.

i was already depressed when i was sidelined during a vacation and a week afterwards as well by an injury which kept me in bed. a few months later,the injury had not healed quite completely,so a doctor told me to take a high dose of ibuprofen for a week or so. she did not warn me to discontinue use if my stomach hurt. i had little experience with ibuprofen as i rarely took the stuff,so i didn't know that when my stomach hurt,i should stop taking it.i figured i could endure it for a week or so. so i ended up ruining my stomach,which has never quite recovered and i am now dependent on an expensive drug to not be sick every time i eat.

then 9/11 happened,which did not exactly help anyone's psyche. a few months later,my mother got sick and had to stop working,and i started paying all of the rent,while she paid the utilities with her small income from social security. my mom got sicker and sicker,and needed more and more care,and couldn't be left alone because of increasing dementia. then she was diagnosed with lou gehrig's disease,and she died from it a few weeks ago.

now,just to add a bonus to my life,my job at work is being changed enough to virtually mean i'm losing the job i love,and being given another job which i won't,and which will be more strenuous for me physically and mentally. and i will have an erratic schedule,which is bad for someone who
is too sensitive to be terribly flexible,and gets headaches when overtired and not on a regular sleep schedule, which cannot be relieved by medication because of the aforementioned stomach problems.

not to mention that i sometimes have been too depressed to go to work even though i LIKE my job--what's going to happen when i don't like it?

i have a hard time being a reliable employee these days,which i feel guilty about,but i need to pay my rent...i either am a burden to my family or to my employer,at least until i get fired.

so,yeah,things are going well.

Comments

oh no!

[(Anonymous)]

why are they making these changes at work? unfortunately i think some of depression has a lot to do with your biological make up and there's not much you can do about that except treat the symptoms as they come. i've come to realize that i probably have a lesser form of depression than some of my relatives but still....it's there. i'm always searching for some holistic way to heal myself or at least keep the depression monster at bay. some days i do better than others. :o) *hug* you have a lot on you right now, no matter what the season or the origin of your depression.
patti