bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2002-08-25 05:00 pm
bluegreen17) wrote2002-08-25 05:00 pm
warning:icky stuff
i'm in a really terrible mood.
my mom told me she was taking me out to eat,and she does this often on my days off. it makes me mad,because she has very little money which is why i'm a mental wreck trying to figure out how to cover the rent. she also tends to go to the dollar store and buy stuff for her grandkids. i know she just wants some company,and i feel bad because i just want desperately to be left alone for a couple of days.even before my mother's speech deteriorated to almost unintelligibility,she and i never had much to say to each other,and whenever i would go out to eat with her,i would be antsy and i tried to hide it,but i couldn't wait for the meal to be over. i'd rather stay home and eat than be bored and trying to act interested.
so now my baby sister is coming over to go out to eat with mom. i don't know if mom guilted her into it...she's done that to my sister quite a few times.
i'm also worried because since thursday i've got this small red spot that looks like a bug bite but i don't know that it is. it isn't very itchy so far unless i scratch it,which i haven't been doing. i've put on my natural balm that usually does wonders,and it's doesn't look much different than four days ago. i'm panicking that it might be scabies...the mites burrow under the skin and it's really infectious. it would be ironic if i had that,since it's considered by some to be a sexually transmitted disease,and i barely ever get a hug from anyone...i looked some stuff up on the net,and some info says you can get it by shaking hands,by contaminated bedding,towels or combs...but i am very careful about personal hygiene because i have a skin disease that can spread,so i'm very careful. so if this is the case,it would be cruel fate to have a freak thing like this contiminate me,and how would it have happened? and yet since it isn't healing like a bug bite should,i am nervous about it. one more thing to be upset and depressed about.
i am going to the dr's on friday,thank goodness,but still i will be a nervous wreck until then,and it might spread.i have put teatree oil,which is supposed to be antiseptic and antifungal,on it,but that might not be strong enough if it is indeed scabies.
god,that is so gross. and then if i do have that,you're supposed to do an extrordinary cleaning job of your living quarters,and i have no energy to do that,plus i'm allergic to dust,and i'm going to be exposed to all that crap next week at work because of the new carpet.
f**k,when will my rotten luck end? you know,i really do try to have a better attitude and things of that sort,even if it doesn't seem that way,and i keep getting knocked lower and lower...today i've been extremely depressed...it's very depressing living with my mother and not connecting with very many people at work and now one more skin affliction?
i know it's stupid but it just is really bumming me out.
my mom told me she was taking me out to eat,and she does this often on my days off. it makes me mad,because she has very little money which is why i'm a mental wreck trying to figure out how to cover the rent. she also tends to go to the dollar store and buy stuff for her grandkids. i know she just wants some company,and i feel bad because i just want desperately to be left alone for a couple of days.even before my mother's speech deteriorated to almost unintelligibility,she and i never had much to say to each other,and whenever i would go out to eat with her,i would be antsy and i tried to hide it,but i couldn't wait for the meal to be over. i'd rather stay home and eat than be bored and trying to act interested.
so now my baby sister is coming over to go out to eat with mom. i don't know if mom guilted her into it...she's done that to my sister quite a few times.
i'm also worried because since thursday i've got this small red spot that looks like a bug bite but i don't know that it is. it isn't very itchy so far unless i scratch it,which i haven't been doing. i've put on my natural balm that usually does wonders,and it's doesn't look much different than four days ago. i'm panicking that it might be scabies...the mites burrow under the skin and it's really infectious. it would be ironic if i had that,since it's considered by some to be a sexually transmitted disease,and i barely ever get a hug from anyone...i looked some stuff up on the net,and some info says you can get it by shaking hands,by contaminated bedding,towels or combs...but i am very careful about personal hygiene because i have a skin disease that can spread,so i'm very careful. so if this is the case,it would be cruel fate to have a freak thing like this contiminate me,and how would it have happened? and yet since it isn't healing like a bug bite should,i am nervous about it. one more thing to be upset and depressed about.
i am going to the dr's on friday,thank goodness,but still i will be a nervous wreck until then,and it might spread.i have put teatree oil,which is supposed to be antiseptic and antifungal,on it,but that might not be strong enough if it is indeed scabies.
god,that is so gross. and then if i do have that,you're supposed to do an extrordinary cleaning job of your living quarters,and i have no energy to do that,plus i'm allergic to dust,and i'm going to be exposed to all that crap next week at work because of the new carpet.
f**k,when will my rotten luck end? you know,i really do try to have a better attitude and things of that sort,even if it doesn't seem that way,and i keep getting knocked lower and lower...today i've been extremely depressed...it's very depressing living with my mother and not connecting with very many people at work and now one more skin affliction?
i know it's stupid but it just is really bumming me out.
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