bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2002-08-25 06:59 pm
bluegreen17) wrote2002-08-25 06:59 pm
do cats have free will?
some random thoughts to offset all the problems...i'll try to keep them out of this!
i don't really like much poetry. some poets i DO like are robert frost,allen ginsberg,walt whitman,and henry wadsworth longfellow. oh,e.e. cummings too.and cavafy. there may be a few others...oh,yes,i like erica jong's poetry,though i don't remember being too impressed with the one novel of hers i read...fear of flying. can't forget the 'zipless fuck' though!
i've been watching jakob the liar this week. it took me three nights because it's kind of slow moving.i almost gave up on it several times,but i'm glad i watched it all the way through,because i found the ending inspiring. it wasn't the most rational ending...and yet thankfully life isn't always rational or so it seems. in fact,i'm counting on it. i need and want a miracle big time...i can't figure out any other way to get out of my present prison...i've done the best i can,and have run out of solutions. don't you think someone whose daily highlight is a pint of ben and jerry's half-baked frozen yogurt needs a miracle? and i've got to get out of that habit...
yes,i know it could be worse and that other people have it worse. that does not make me feel better.
i went to the video store and couldn't think of anything particular to rent...first i looked through the foreign film section but there is hardly anything there. they don't even have that guy with the polish name that begins with k's trilogy of movies about france...red,white and blue. i love the movie red. not only is it about my favorite color,but it's also about synchronicities,which i'm fond of as well. i could have gone to the indie video store but being in such a foul mood i didn't want to take the chance of running into my old friend michael because he goes there a lot. i was just not in the mood to be sociable. i get cowardly and avoidant sometimes.it is sometimes just too much work to be cheerful.
anyway,i then looked in the dramas and the comedies.i got one movie called emanon,which is supposed to be about a guy who's a miracle maker. right up my alley right now. and then i got tank-girl because i thought that might be fun...the futuristic set design etc and the whole road warrior survival type thing...might make my life look not so bad in comparison.
last wednesday when i stayed home i went to the library and borrowed deepack chopra's 'how to know god'. he lists seven stages of relationship with god. naturally,i don't fit any of those categories...i rarely fit into any categories neatly...for instance,in a book about six types of a.d.d. i'm not a clear cut case of any one of them.i definitely have one type...overfocusing. if you read my stuff,you can tell! i overfocus on myself and my problems a lot. one gets stuck in loops of worrying...
also,another book is about different kinds of brain problems...and i have almost all of them.
also read part of a book about the gnostics last week...i find the gnostics sooo depressing.i'd rather be Agnostic and not KNOW that the planet is an evil creation. i sense benevolence in nature...perhaps,though,it's because trees don't have free will and therefore can't choose to be rude,inconsiderate,etc...though i sometimes think cats can! (though i love cats!)
i don't really like much poetry. some poets i DO like are robert frost,allen ginsberg,walt whitman,and henry wadsworth longfellow. oh,e.e. cummings too.and cavafy. there may be a few others...oh,yes,i like erica jong's poetry,though i don't remember being too impressed with the one novel of hers i read...fear of flying. can't forget the 'zipless fuck' though!
i've been watching jakob the liar this week. it took me three nights because it's kind of slow moving.i almost gave up on it several times,but i'm glad i watched it all the way through,because i found the ending inspiring. it wasn't the most rational ending...and yet thankfully life isn't always rational or so it seems. in fact,i'm counting on it. i need and want a miracle big time...i can't figure out any other way to get out of my present prison...i've done the best i can,and have run out of solutions. don't you think someone whose daily highlight is a pint of ben and jerry's half-baked frozen yogurt needs a miracle? and i've got to get out of that habit...
yes,i know it could be worse and that other people have it worse. that does not make me feel better.
i went to the video store and couldn't think of anything particular to rent...first i looked through the foreign film section but there is hardly anything there. they don't even have that guy with the polish name that begins with k's trilogy of movies about france...red,white and blue. i love the movie red. not only is it about my favorite color,but it's also about synchronicities,which i'm fond of as well. i could have gone to the indie video store but being in such a foul mood i didn't want to take the chance of running into my old friend michael because he goes there a lot. i was just not in the mood to be sociable. i get cowardly and avoidant sometimes.it is sometimes just too much work to be cheerful.
anyway,i then looked in the dramas and the comedies.i got one movie called emanon,which is supposed to be about a guy who's a miracle maker. right up my alley right now. and then i got tank-girl because i thought that might be fun...the futuristic set design etc and the whole road warrior survival type thing...might make my life look not so bad in comparison.
last wednesday when i stayed home i went to the library and borrowed deepack chopra's 'how to know god'. he lists seven stages of relationship with god. naturally,i don't fit any of those categories...i rarely fit into any categories neatly...for instance,in a book about six types of a.d.d. i'm not a clear cut case of any one of them.i definitely have one type...overfocusing. if you read my stuff,you can tell! i overfocus on myself and my problems a lot. one gets stuck in loops of worrying...
also,another book is about different kinds of brain problems...and i have almost all of them.
also read part of a book about the gnostics last week...i find the gnostics sooo depressing.i'd rather be Agnostic and not KNOW that the planet is an evil creation. i sense benevolence in nature...perhaps,though,it's because trees don't have free will and therefore can't choose to be rude,inconsiderate,etc...though i sometimes think cats can! (though i love cats!)