bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2004-06-20 01:37 pm
bluegreen17) wrote2004-06-20 01:37 pm
(no subject)
i just finished responding to the many kind notes i got in response to my very sad posts at the beginning of last week. it's good to have that support,and i do appreciate it.
but i do have really mixed feelings about these connections on the internet. it kind of reminds me of how i feel about phones sometimes. sometimes after getting off the phone with someone i like,i feel sad. i think it's because one is focusing on people who aren't there,instead of focusing on the people that are. does that make any sense? also,for someone like me who especially these days tends to isolate themselves,it just feeds into that. i spend time on the internet and i wonder if i didn't have that small connection,would i be motivated to go out and make a more immediate and fulfilling connection? i really don't have an answer for that.
the internet,like anything else,is not inherently good or evil. it all depends on how it's used. i just dont' think i use it in the best way possible. it would be a good place to find people i'd want to hang around with who live nearby. but then again,i have this weird craving for aloneness and by the time i get my fill of alonetime,there's no time left for a social life. right now,though,i'm kind of looking at that need of mine for so much aloneness,and seeing if it's really about something else. i'm finding some illuminating things about feelings(and the fear of feeling feelings) and isolating oneself and being frustrated most of the time in a book called the half-empty heart that i stumbled upon yesterday. it's about 'chronic discontent',as the author calls it (though i think that term makes it sound not all that bad...and i can tell you,it's kinda bad),also known as 'chronic depression' or 'dsythmyia'.
the tough thing is,it can lead to major depression,and then you've got 'double depression' and the more you have episodes of major depression,the more frequently they occur,(unless you find a solution that works for you) and it all just accelerates and i think that's where i am now. anyhow,this book has a five-week suggested 'program' explained in the book that is supposed to help,so maybe i can manage to give it a try. at least i find it encouraging to have found this book,because there arent' too many books on chronic depression that i have found to be helpful. i think there's more focus on major depression,and the focus on chronic is more toward medicating it,which to me is not a long-term solution.
anyhow,i'm now on vacation for a week which i'm very happy about,and it's a warmish coolish day with a breeze(and i practically worship moving fresh air) and i have the windows open which is my idea of perfect weather. and the birds sound happy today too.
but i do have really mixed feelings about these connections on the internet. it kind of reminds me of how i feel about phones sometimes. sometimes after getting off the phone with someone i like,i feel sad. i think it's because one is focusing on people who aren't there,instead of focusing on the people that are. does that make any sense? also,for someone like me who especially these days tends to isolate themselves,it just feeds into that. i spend time on the internet and i wonder if i didn't have that small connection,would i be motivated to go out and make a more immediate and fulfilling connection? i really don't have an answer for that.
the internet,like anything else,is not inherently good or evil. it all depends on how it's used. i just dont' think i use it in the best way possible. it would be a good place to find people i'd want to hang around with who live nearby. but then again,i have this weird craving for aloneness and by the time i get my fill of alonetime,there's no time left for a social life. right now,though,i'm kind of looking at that need of mine for so much aloneness,and seeing if it's really about something else. i'm finding some illuminating things about feelings(and the fear of feeling feelings) and isolating oneself and being frustrated most of the time in a book called the half-empty heart that i stumbled upon yesterday. it's about 'chronic discontent',as the author calls it (though i think that term makes it sound not all that bad...and i can tell you,it's kinda bad),also known as 'chronic depression' or 'dsythmyia'.
the tough thing is,it can lead to major depression,and then you've got 'double depression' and the more you have episodes of major depression,the more frequently they occur,(unless you find a solution that works for you) and it all just accelerates and i think that's where i am now. anyhow,this book has a five-week suggested 'program' explained in the book that is supposed to help,so maybe i can manage to give it a try. at least i find it encouraging to have found this book,because there arent' too many books on chronic depression that i have found to be helpful. i think there's more focus on major depression,and the focus on chronic is more toward medicating it,which to me is not a long-term solution.
anyhow,i'm now on vacation for a week which i'm very happy about,and it's a warmish coolish day with a breeze(and i practically worship moving fresh air) and i have the windows open which is my idea of perfect weather. and the birds sound happy today too.
no subject