bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2002-08-26 03:18 pm
bluegreen17) wrote2002-08-26 03:18 pm
and more on the god thing...
i feel embarrassed that i get so hysterical. and i started yelling at my mom after getting the email from my sister because i was so upset.then i did apologize to both mom and my sister.
typical a.d.d. behavior...apologizing,especially for being a 'bad' person,though i know i'm not bad, i feel like a bad person when i feel that i can't do things because i feel too awful.
anyway,a few more emails from my sister,it's sort of sorted out,though she mentioned the religion/god thing because i mentioned it. to her credit,she didnt go on too long about it,and she said i wasn't ready for the step of asking god to control my life. in her way of seeing,i am not spiritually mature enough to do that yet. in my view,she is not spiritually mature enough to face life without having god take care of everything. i don't know which one of us is right,though most of the time i think i am. i think fundamentalist religion is because people are spiritually insecure and cling to religions that claim to know.i wish i had that reassurance,but all my faculties tell me that god can't be known that way. that's just my experience and my opinion. i'm insecure about a lot of things,but i can't in good conscience cling to a religion that says it knows all the answers.i don't really know how to explain that.
anyway,my sister said she doubted we'd get a dr. appt. today so she told me to go do my errands anyway,which i did. i guess i'll go out with dad tonight and then if i have time there are a few things i need to do before my therapy appointment at 8. it's too bad i have found the therapy to be not helpful...in fact, i think sometimes it makes me more frustrated,because i sit there and talk about how hopeless my life is and the only thing i am offered is drugs. so,okay,then,why do therapy?
typical a.d.d. behavior...apologizing,especially for being a 'bad' person,though i know i'm not bad, i feel like a bad person when i feel that i can't do things because i feel too awful.
anyway,a few more emails from my sister,it's sort of sorted out,though she mentioned the religion/god thing because i mentioned it. to her credit,she didnt go on too long about it,and she said i wasn't ready for the step of asking god to control my life. in her way of seeing,i am not spiritually mature enough to do that yet. in my view,she is not spiritually mature enough to face life without having god take care of everything. i don't know which one of us is right,though most of the time i think i am. i think fundamentalist religion is because people are spiritually insecure and cling to religions that claim to know.i wish i had that reassurance,but all my faculties tell me that god can't be known that way. that's just my experience and my opinion. i'm insecure about a lot of things,but i can't in good conscience cling to a religion that says it knows all the answers.i don't really know how to explain that.
anyway,my sister said she doubted we'd get a dr. appt. today so she told me to go do my errands anyway,which i did. i guess i'll go out with dad tonight and then if i have time there are a few things i need to do before my therapy appointment at 8. it's too bad i have found the therapy to be not helpful...in fact, i think sometimes it makes me more frustrated,because i sit there and talk about how hopeless my life is and the only thing i am offered is drugs. so,okay,then,why do therapy?