bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2002-08-26 10:13 pm
bluegreen17) wrote2002-08-26 10:13 pm
therapeutic insights
i got back from my therapy appointment and i feel a bit calmer.
i did ask my therapist what the point of therapy was for me and why she seemed to think that the antidepressant drug was my only solution right now.
the answer to the first question is that it gives one a person to listen who is not judgemental and who will not tell you to 'just deal' or 'cheer up'.that made sense to me and i said that i realized that i expected too much from therapy perhaps (i tend to expect too much from just about everything,including life,myself,and other people). she said 'you want someone to fix things for you' and though she probably shouldn't have phrased it that way,as a statement and not a question,she is right,and i acknowledged that,that i want that but i realized someone else can't fix it for me even if i wish they could.
the answer to my second question is that i am indeed severely depressed right now and don't seem to be able to help myself (i definitely feel that way and told her that) and so that an antidepressant would help me to feel a bit better so i can again do things to help myself.she said when she talked to the dr. a few weeks ago,they felt i should deal with the depression rather than the a.d.d. right now,but since i insisted on trying the stimulant,the dr. prescribed that for me to try. well,i have to admit that the depression,whether caused by a.d.d. or not,has far surpassed my other mental difficulties and needs to be dealt with right now so i can learn to cope with the a.d.d. type things,so they were right. i am seeing the nurse practioner on friday and hopeful she can get me started on zoloft,which is what she prescribed for my mother.
i had supper with my dad. we had our tuna melts and salads. my therapist asked me if i felt comfortable with my dad and i said yes,it's nice because i can just be myself.i also realized that part of that is that when my dad asked me how things were and i told him things were going pretty poorly,and i was sorry i had no good news to report,he was quiet and frowned a bit,because he didn't know what to say. but you know what i realized was wonderful about that? he actually had an emotional reaction to what i said,meaning he both heard and acknowledged what i said. and you know why that is extraordinary? because i realized that my mother does not do that,and didn't before she got ill. she just will ignore what i said and go on to another topic,like making some comment about what's on tv or whatever. i don't think she does it to be cruel...i just think my mother has been trying to ignore reality her whole life because it is too painful for her. i guess we both may feel similar,but i cope by pointing out reality and screaming and yelling about it...and she copes by escaping. my method is connection,hers is dis-connection. i guess that's why i've always gotten along well with my dad...he's more expressive,which is weird because it's usually dad's who don't acknowledge emotions and mom's who do. my parents are from the looking-glass world i guess...
i did ask my therapist what the point of therapy was for me and why she seemed to think that the antidepressant drug was my only solution right now.
the answer to the first question is that it gives one a person to listen who is not judgemental and who will not tell you to 'just deal' or 'cheer up'.that made sense to me and i said that i realized that i expected too much from therapy perhaps (i tend to expect too much from just about everything,including life,myself,and other people). she said 'you want someone to fix things for you' and though she probably shouldn't have phrased it that way,as a statement and not a question,she is right,and i acknowledged that,that i want that but i realized someone else can't fix it for me even if i wish they could.
the answer to my second question is that i am indeed severely depressed right now and don't seem to be able to help myself (i definitely feel that way and told her that) and so that an antidepressant would help me to feel a bit better so i can again do things to help myself.she said when she talked to the dr. a few weeks ago,they felt i should deal with the depression rather than the a.d.d. right now,but since i insisted on trying the stimulant,the dr. prescribed that for me to try. well,i have to admit that the depression,whether caused by a.d.d. or not,has far surpassed my other mental difficulties and needs to be dealt with right now so i can learn to cope with the a.d.d. type things,so they were right. i am seeing the nurse practioner on friday and hopeful she can get me started on zoloft,which is what she prescribed for my mother.
i had supper with my dad. we had our tuna melts and salads. my therapist asked me if i felt comfortable with my dad and i said yes,it's nice because i can just be myself.i also realized that part of that is that when my dad asked me how things were and i told him things were going pretty poorly,and i was sorry i had no good news to report,he was quiet and frowned a bit,because he didn't know what to say. but you know what i realized was wonderful about that? he actually had an emotional reaction to what i said,meaning he both heard and acknowledged what i said. and you know why that is extraordinary? because i realized that my mother does not do that,and didn't before she got ill. she just will ignore what i said and go on to another topic,like making some comment about what's on tv or whatever. i don't think she does it to be cruel...i just think my mother has been trying to ignore reality her whole life because it is too painful for her. i guess we both may feel similar,but i cope by pointing out reality and screaming and yelling about it...and she copes by escaping. my method is connection,hers is dis-connection. i guess that's why i've always gotten along well with my dad...he's more expressive,which is weird because it's usually dad's who don't acknowledge emotions and mom's who do. my parents are from the looking-glass world i guess...