bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2004-07-06 10:54 pm
bluegreen17) wrote2004-07-06 10:54 pm
rant
ugh.
today i was informed by my boss that two weeks from today i have to be at a meeting two hours away at ten in the morning.i usually get out of bed at ten in the morning,since i have to force myself to go to bed at 1:00,and i seem to function best with nine hours of sleep,unfortunately,since it consumes so much of the little time i have anyway. probably,i will not sleep,but at best i'll sleep for four hours,since i'll need to get up around five a.m. why? because it takes me about three hours to eat and get ready for work. trust me,that's how i am. it will take me an hour to get to work,or possibly more,since i will be driving in during f**kin' rush hour. then i'll have to go with my boss on A HIGHWAY to the meeting.
i don't do highways. i very rarely go on a highway,and even when i go with my sister sara,who's a good driver,i'm very nervous. because i know how careless people can be and you go along at high speeds in metal machines. so i will be a wreck. also,i am not very comfortable with my boss and have to pretend that everything is hunky dory all the time,because that's all she wants to hear. with so little sleep,i will probably have a headache.
when i have a headache,i can't take anything to relieve the pain,because of my stomach.so i will be tired,with a headache,having a fuckin' anxiety attack while we are on the highway,and i have to pretend that i'm fine.
the whole prospect made me immediately incredibly depressed. i know it doesn't sound like much,but that's how it makes me feel. i just wanted to go home and be left alone. stop having to get up every morning and do things i don't want to do just to stay alive so i can keep doing things i don't want to do. i have nothing to look forward to in life,so this is incredibly depressing to me,but i try very hard to have a better attitude. most mornings i wake up sad and worried,and have to push myself to go to work. i don't know how i'm going to motivate myself to get up at 5 a.m. to drive to work at rush hour and then get on a highway and then sit in a meeting (i hate sitting in meeting) for two hours or so. and if i call in sick,which i actually probably will be,i will be on the high level shit list at work. my boss isn't very tolerant of mentally different people.
oh,and it bothers me to think of what could happen on a highway,which is why i'm pretty terrified of being on them.
i wonder if my boss has ever seen anyone have an anxiety attack before?fuck,i've had them before i just ended up being chronically anxious,and they are pretty awful. it's pretty hard to motivate myself to face that.
yup,one more fuckin' thing to look forward to.will i ever have a NICE surprise in my life ever again?
i'm only 46 and i'm really sick of working for a living. the things i enjoy doing don't pay. they don't pay people to learn things.
%&)#$%^%_@
today i was informed by my boss that two weeks from today i have to be at a meeting two hours away at ten in the morning.i usually get out of bed at ten in the morning,since i have to force myself to go to bed at 1:00,and i seem to function best with nine hours of sleep,unfortunately,since it consumes so much of the little time i have anyway. probably,i will not sleep,but at best i'll sleep for four hours,since i'll need to get up around five a.m. why? because it takes me about three hours to eat and get ready for work. trust me,that's how i am. it will take me an hour to get to work,or possibly more,since i will be driving in during f**kin' rush hour. then i'll have to go with my boss on A HIGHWAY to the meeting.
i don't do highways. i very rarely go on a highway,and even when i go with my sister sara,who's a good driver,i'm very nervous. because i know how careless people can be and you go along at high speeds in metal machines. so i will be a wreck. also,i am not very comfortable with my boss and have to pretend that everything is hunky dory all the time,because that's all she wants to hear. with so little sleep,i will probably have a headache.
when i have a headache,i can't take anything to relieve the pain,because of my stomach.so i will be tired,with a headache,having a fuckin' anxiety attack while we are on the highway,and i have to pretend that i'm fine.
the whole prospect made me immediately incredibly depressed. i know it doesn't sound like much,but that's how it makes me feel. i just wanted to go home and be left alone. stop having to get up every morning and do things i don't want to do just to stay alive so i can keep doing things i don't want to do. i have nothing to look forward to in life,so this is incredibly depressing to me,but i try very hard to have a better attitude. most mornings i wake up sad and worried,and have to push myself to go to work. i don't know how i'm going to motivate myself to get up at 5 a.m. to drive to work at rush hour and then get on a highway and then sit in a meeting (i hate sitting in meeting) for two hours or so. and if i call in sick,which i actually probably will be,i will be on the high level shit list at work. my boss isn't very tolerant of mentally different people.
oh,and it bothers me to think of what could happen on a highway,which is why i'm pretty terrified of being on them.
i wonder if my boss has ever seen anyone have an anxiety attack before?fuck,i've had them before i just ended up being chronically anxious,and they are pretty awful. it's pretty hard to motivate myself to face that.
yup,one more fuckin' thing to look forward to.will i ever have a NICE surprise in my life ever again?
i'm only 46 and i'm really sick of working for a living. the things i enjoy doing don't pay. they don't pay people to learn things.
%&)#$%^%_@
an idea!
which is not too expensive where you could
go and stay the night before?
it is what I might very well do.
+Seraphim.
*ask for business rate etc of course.
Re: an idea!
i do appreciate your suggestion though! it was kind of you to offer the idea. thank you!
no subject
to do a 10am liturgy in new york and be there at
9 or so, I have gone to the city the night before
so as to not have to worry about getting up
early sunday morning etc.
well, granted all differences, this to say that
you are certainly not the only one who worries
a little about getting up and getting somewhere
on time and in good shape etc.
+Seraphim.
no subject
no subject
Take a deep breath and Close your eyes and think of something calming. (or think of billy. Billy always makes me feel better .. but i'm a dweeb. lol)
Can your boss drive? or would that cause more undo stress for you.
no subject
ah,well.
maybe i should go looking for a st. christopher medal (catholic joke,there. heh.)