bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2004-08-01 05:11 pm
bluegreen17) wrote2004-08-01 05:11 pm
arrogant* windbag goes meandering into her past(file under water)
i'm almost done reading robert fritz's the path of least resistance. i have been really inspired,because it's a view that was very new to me. it's about being a creator,in many different ways.(the book is subtitled:'learning to become the creative force in your life')
now i'm feeling rather daunted. first,you are advised to be TOTALLY honest and admit to yourself what you want in life. well,i wrote down a few things. and the idea is not to say things like 'i dont want to have to go to work anymore',which is exactly what i thought of first. so i guess i have to think of stating that in a way where i say what i DO want to do instead of working. and then of course,i think to myself,even though the idea is to not to think about whether something is even possible or not,but just admit what you really want,that it's a crazy thing to think about.
okay,i'd love to stay home or go out when i feel like going out. i want to do what i want. okay,so what is that? well,stupid as it sounds,i love just reading and communicating on lj. i wouldn't want to do that ALL the time,but i enjoy it a lot. i enjoy communicating. i enjoy communicating with people in person as well,but i really like staying home alone and being able to control the amount of interaction i have. but my mind constantly says 'so,how will you pay the rent and buy food?' so i dont' get very far with my dreams.some people find a way to do what they want.
oh,that's not all i want to do. there's lots more. one big thing is that i'd love to be an editor and publisher,including of beautiful art books.an anthologist,i guess you could say. i love gathering and sharing things that i find are beautiful and inspiring. i'd love to make art available to people in different ways,and support those who create the art. and i'd love to publish writings,though i'm extremely fussy about what writing i actually like. but that's not necessarily a bad thing. i think publishing is in my blood,somehow. or maybe in my soul,since it's not genetic...
when i was about six or seven,my best friend and i wrote books. they had to be about horses,because my friend bernie had the talent for drawing beautiful pictures of horses-i was in awe of her talent-but sucked at drawing people. i didn't mind,though,because i love horses too.
i have no idea what i wrote,but i remember stapling things together and giving them to my mother. i dont think they exist today...it was probably impossible for my mom to hang onto the art works of five daughters-you know how prolific kids are!
when i was 10, myself and a couple of friends put together a very silly 'newspaper/digest' thing called 'the tadpoles' digest'. i believe this predates zining,but i may be wrong. we're talkin' circa '68-'69. it was crap,but i do think i enjoyed the 'fame' of being a publisher and giving it away in school. it was kind of a weird thing to do,but someone must have indulged us and let us use a copier...though they may not have existed yet,so it's more likely some kind teacher made copies on the mimeograph machine.
in some ways,i think i was ahead of my time. i'm bragging,whether it's justified or not,because i'm feeling like a loser these days and am trying to reinvent/renew/re-whatever myself and entertain the idea that my life isn't over at 46 (i'm speaking figuratively,not literally.)
i don't know where i got the idea,but i asked my parents to buy me a tape recorder. now,this was in the days before cassettes. nobody had tape recorders that i knew of. i have no idea where i had the idea i could get one or where the heck my mom (who did the shopping,including christmas shopping),managed to find such a thing. but she did.it probably didn't amaze me at the time,because my parents were still omnipotent then,but it amazed me now. anyhow,they got me this little reel-to-reel tape recorder. it was sooo cool to have such a thing. i don't really remember what exactly i recorded-maybe little plays and things [actually,i think it was fictional radio news broadcasts and that sort of thing]-but i used that sucker a LOT.i don't think there was any way to get more tapes,and i pretty much wore the one tape out. it recorded on the top and bottom part of the tape.i think you had to erase to reuse the tape,not just tape over like you would with a cassette. just writing about it now brings back the utter joy that toy brought me.
so you see,i've been in communications and a media nut for a long time. media as in medium,connecting things and people to each other. i've always liked the idea that mercury,the messenger,is the ruling planet of gemini,my sun sign. later on i found out that my moon,sun,and planet mercury were all in the sign of gemini...can't be much more into communications than that.
i'm not done talking about my publishing history,though. in the golden 80's,which was my twenties,basically,i was bored one day with top 40 music and moved on down the dial to wbcn in boston to listen to ANYTHING different. which is where,in 1983,i first heard r.e.m.. and then i started going to the local indie record store on payday every week and buying records by bands that most folks didn't know about at the time. i remember buying the 45 of modern english's 'melt with you',a song i adored and still do. and special ordering r.e.m. first ep,'chronic town'. so i was hearing lots of great new music.
one day in early 1984-before some of my lj friends were even born (eep!),i heard an amazingly beautiful song on the radio. i waited to hear who the band was. by this time,i was really into r.e.m.,but i always had room for more bands to listen to. after all,there was just 'chronic town' and murmur' to listen to.
and so i heard that the song was by...
r.e.m.! i had no idea,and of course it just totally solidified my love for that band,which continued to be very intense-including going to see them seven times in 1989-until somewhere in the early nineties.
the song was 'south central rain (i'm sorry)' from their then forthcoming lp-yes,vinyl,'reckoning'. one of my favorite albums to this day.
and what this all leads up to is that it was that song that inspired me to write my very own zine and write a review of it immediately. the zine was called 'random free review' in homage to r.e.m.'s first single 'radio free europe',if you can see the connection.
that was the beginning of my zine years. i lived in a small (compared to boston) city and i daresay i was locally famous once i started giving away my zine at the same record store where i had become a fixture-no,not a record bin or spinner rack,but i think you know what i mean. i got to meet quite a few people i never would have otherwise,including a few local musicians that i interviewed,some of whom i ended up hanging out with,and one who was a good buddy during my city years. all in all,over the next few years,i published more zines,often changing the name because i was bored,but always centered around music. i paid for photocopies until i got a job in a great little bookstore for a cool company that let me use the photocopier in the office across the parking lot from the store. (plus they read my zines!)
i'm amazed that i had the patience to type those damned things,since i'm a lousy typist and had to keep putting the correction cartridge in to white out things. i also handwrote some stuff,and my handwriting isn't too bad,so that was cool.
oh,yeah,so what was i saying? i'm trying to get a life back...and i want to collect,anthologize,edit,possibly do layout and publish good stuff.
eh,so what's my next step? i ask myself...and will i get bored by this idea by next week?
to be continued...(or not)
same battime,same batchannel.
~~~~~
*but lovable,of course. as my sister sara (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
solarfields) says,everyone loves eeyore. or if they don't,they must love tigger and give me chocolate or better yet,caffeine,and i'm tigger! wheeeee!!!
(can we say manic-depressive? but not more so than lots of other people? never diagnosed as such,because most therapists have only seen eeyore. thankfully--or at least i think so--my family and friends have seen tigger too...much more fun!)
now i'm feeling rather daunted. first,you are advised to be TOTALLY honest and admit to yourself what you want in life. well,i wrote down a few things. and the idea is not to say things like 'i dont want to have to go to work anymore',which is exactly what i thought of first. so i guess i have to think of stating that in a way where i say what i DO want to do instead of working. and then of course,i think to myself,even though the idea is to not to think about whether something is even possible or not,but just admit what you really want,that it's a crazy thing to think about.
okay,i'd love to stay home or go out when i feel like going out. i want to do what i want. okay,so what is that? well,stupid as it sounds,i love just reading and communicating on lj. i wouldn't want to do that ALL the time,but i enjoy it a lot. i enjoy communicating. i enjoy communicating with people in person as well,but i really like staying home alone and being able to control the amount of interaction i have. but my mind constantly says 'so,how will you pay the rent and buy food?' so i dont' get very far with my dreams.some people find a way to do what they want.
oh,that's not all i want to do. there's lots more. one big thing is that i'd love to be an editor and publisher,including of beautiful art books.an anthologist,i guess you could say. i love gathering and sharing things that i find are beautiful and inspiring. i'd love to make art available to people in different ways,and support those who create the art. and i'd love to publish writings,though i'm extremely fussy about what writing i actually like. but that's not necessarily a bad thing. i think publishing is in my blood,somehow. or maybe in my soul,since it's not genetic...
when i was about six or seven,my best friend and i wrote books. they had to be about horses,because my friend bernie had the talent for drawing beautiful pictures of horses-i was in awe of her talent-but sucked at drawing people. i didn't mind,though,because i love horses too.
i have no idea what i wrote,but i remember stapling things together and giving them to my mother. i dont think they exist today...it was probably impossible for my mom to hang onto the art works of five daughters-you know how prolific kids are!
when i was 10, myself and a couple of friends put together a very silly 'newspaper/digest' thing called 'the tadpoles' digest'. i believe this predates zining,but i may be wrong. we're talkin' circa '68-'69. it was crap,but i do think i enjoyed the 'fame' of being a publisher and giving it away in school. it was kind of a weird thing to do,but someone must have indulged us and let us use a copier...though they may not have existed yet,so it's more likely some kind teacher made copies on the mimeograph machine.
in some ways,i think i was ahead of my time. i'm bragging,whether it's justified or not,because i'm feeling like a loser these days and am trying to reinvent/renew/re-whatever myself and entertain the idea that my life isn't over at 46 (i'm speaking figuratively,not literally.)
i don't know where i got the idea,but i asked my parents to buy me a tape recorder. now,this was in the days before cassettes. nobody had tape recorders that i knew of. i have no idea where i had the idea i could get one or where the heck my mom (who did the shopping,including christmas shopping),managed to find such a thing. but she did.it probably didn't amaze me at the time,because my parents were still omnipotent then,but it amazed me now. anyhow,they got me this little reel-to-reel tape recorder. it was sooo cool to have such a thing. i don't really remember what exactly i recorded-maybe little plays and things [actually,i think it was fictional radio news broadcasts and that sort of thing]-but i used that sucker a LOT.i don't think there was any way to get more tapes,and i pretty much wore the one tape out. it recorded on the top and bottom part of the tape.i think you had to erase to reuse the tape,not just tape over like you would with a cassette. just writing about it now brings back the utter joy that toy brought me.
so you see,i've been in communications and a media nut for a long time. media as in medium,connecting things and people to each other. i've always liked the idea that mercury,the messenger,is the ruling planet of gemini,my sun sign. later on i found out that my moon,sun,and planet mercury were all in the sign of gemini...can't be much more into communications than that.
i'm not done talking about my publishing history,though. in the golden 80's,which was my twenties,basically,i was bored one day with top 40 music and moved on down the dial to wbcn in boston to listen to ANYTHING different. which is where,in 1983,i first heard r.e.m.. and then i started going to the local indie record store on payday every week and buying records by bands that most folks didn't know about at the time. i remember buying the 45 of modern english's 'melt with you',a song i adored and still do. and special ordering r.e.m. first ep,'chronic town'. so i was hearing lots of great new music.
one day in early 1984-before some of my lj friends were even born (eep!),i heard an amazingly beautiful song on the radio. i waited to hear who the band was. by this time,i was really into r.e.m.,but i always had room for more bands to listen to. after all,there was just 'chronic town' and murmur' to listen to.
and so i heard that the song was by...
r.e.m.! i had no idea,and of course it just totally solidified my love for that band,which continued to be very intense-including going to see them seven times in 1989-until somewhere in the early nineties.
the song was 'south central rain (i'm sorry)' from their then forthcoming lp-yes,vinyl,'reckoning'. one of my favorite albums to this day.
and what this all leads up to is that it was that song that inspired me to write my very own zine and write a review of it immediately. the zine was called 'random free review' in homage to r.e.m.'s first single 'radio free europe',if you can see the connection.
that was the beginning of my zine years. i lived in a small (compared to boston) city and i daresay i was locally famous once i started giving away my zine at the same record store where i had become a fixture-no,not a record bin or spinner rack,but i think you know what i mean. i got to meet quite a few people i never would have otherwise,including a few local musicians that i interviewed,some of whom i ended up hanging out with,and one who was a good buddy during my city years. all in all,over the next few years,i published more zines,often changing the name because i was bored,but always centered around music. i paid for photocopies until i got a job in a great little bookstore for a cool company that let me use the photocopier in the office across the parking lot from the store. (plus they read my zines!)
i'm amazed that i had the patience to type those damned things,since i'm a lousy typist and had to keep putting the correction cartridge in to white out things. i also handwrote some stuff,and my handwriting isn't too bad,so that was cool.
oh,yeah,so what was i saying? i'm trying to get a life back...and i want to collect,anthologize,edit,possibly do layout and publish good stuff.
eh,so what's my next step? i ask myself...and will i get bored by this idea by next week?
to be continued...(or not)
same battime,same batchannel.
~~~~~
*but lovable,of course. as my sister sara (
solarfields) says,everyone loves eeyore. or if they don't,they must love tigger and give me chocolate or better yet,caffeine,and i'm tigger! wheeeee!!!(can we say manic-depressive? but not more so than lots of other people? never diagnosed as such,because most therapists have only seen eeyore. thankfully--or at least i think so--my family and friends have seen tigger too...much more fun!)
no subject
Yes, and had we all been closer in age, she'd have to get a new fridge to display it all! :D
Anway, good stuff Tigger!
no subject
Rachel told me the other day I should start a bookstore. I said, "No, that's Diane's thing." She said --you could be business partners (with separate "ofices")! Who nows, maybe Dad'd be benefactor? Ha! Then again, Dad might not be so against that..
no subject
no subject
I think the book is trying to say "Do what makes you happy," and publishing/anthology work is what does that for you!