bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2002-09-03 12:06 pm
bluegreen17) wrote2002-09-03 12:06 pm
hopefully not my last tears
i'm grumpy right now so i refused to eat my veggies. ha.
actually,on most tuesdays i am depressed and i think it's because i wake up and realize i haven't gotten enough done on my days 'off'...i never get enough done!
but right now i'm merely grumpy,which is not so bad.when i'm cranky,i don't bother to make myself a salad. i'm not that crazy about eating them,but i usually eat them because they are good for me.but when cranky,i want to go straight to the mac and cheese or rice and vegs (usually frozen natural dinners that i heat up...i hate domestic chores).
i left a message with the answering service at the dr.'s office to ask for a nurse to call me back,and one did at 10:30 a.m. which was great because that was when i was planning on getting out of bed anyway. she answered some of my questions,but i may have more when i start the wellbutrin tomorrow. (part of me will be dragging the other part of me kicking and screaming,to take that stuff!)
i feel tired. i went to bed at 1:30 and was asleep until probably 5 a.m. i'd say it took me a half hour to fall asleep,which is longer than normal. i usually fall asleep pretty well,it's the waking up after a few hours and then not being able to get back to sleep that gets me. i wonder if i've been this way for a long time and never thought much about it,because i usually don't feel tired the rest of the day,but lately i don't seem to get enough sleep when i fall back to sleep and/or it takes me longer to fall back to sleep.after the first few hours,i sleep in fits and starts. i guess i haven't been sleeping a solid 7 or 8 hours since i had the leg problems over a year ago and everything would hurt at night. that's better,but there are other things that make me feel uncomfortable i guess...i seem to have to get up to pee more,and my arm falls asleep when i sleep on my stomach so i keep tossing and turning...etc etc...these might be good notes for future pediatric care workers,but i doubt anyone else wants to know!
i finished watching the lord of the rings and it was wonderful.
i started crying when frodo said 'i wish i had never gotten the ring' and gandalf says 'many of us wish these things had not happened,but it's what we do when they do that counts' or something like that and that really got to me,because that's life in a nutshell isn't it? and it really feels true in my life right now especially...and i wish i handled my problems with more grace like i see some other people do!
i complain so much,and i dont' know why i do and have a hard time stopping myself...i wonder if it's the only way i know how to get attention!
and when i cried i wondered if it would be the last time i cried for a long time,because i'll be taking meds,and that made me sad too.i WANT to cry over sad things.sometimes i want to cry but i can't force myself...generally something has to 'hit' me.
the other day i guess i was in a weepy mood. one driver honked his horn and i noticed that a little old silver haired lady had made a stupid driving mistake,and i felt so bad for her,to not be sharp and to have someone honking their car horn at her and the fact that making driving mistakes is dangerous and how sad that is for old folks,and how i worry about my mother driving just around here. and then i saw the ambulance with it's lights going but not driving fast turning into the hospital..obviously someone had just died in there,and when i see that, i get weepy.i don't cry for the dead...either their troubles are over or they are in a better place or both. i cry for those who just lost them.
actually,on most tuesdays i am depressed and i think it's because i wake up and realize i haven't gotten enough done on my days 'off'...i never get enough done!
but right now i'm merely grumpy,which is not so bad.when i'm cranky,i don't bother to make myself a salad. i'm not that crazy about eating them,but i usually eat them because they are good for me.but when cranky,i want to go straight to the mac and cheese or rice and vegs (usually frozen natural dinners that i heat up...i hate domestic chores).
i left a message with the answering service at the dr.'s office to ask for a nurse to call me back,and one did at 10:30 a.m. which was great because that was when i was planning on getting out of bed anyway. she answered some of my questions,but i may have more when i start the wellbutrin tomorrow. (part of me will be dragging the other part of me kicking and screaming,to take that stuff!)
i feel tired. i went to bed at 1:30 and was asleep until probably 5 a.m. i'd say it took me a half hour to fall asleep,which is longer than normal. i usually fall asleep pretty well,it's the waking up after a few hours and then not being able to get back to sleep that gets me. i wonder if i've been this way for a long time and never thought much about it,because i usually don't feel tired the rest of the day,but lately i don't seem to get enough sleep when i fall back to sleep and/or it takes me longer to fall back to sleep.after the first few hours,i sleep in fits and starts. i guess i haven't been sleeping a solid 7 or 8 hours since i had the leg problems over a year ago and everything would hurt at night. that's better,but there are other things that make me feel uncomfortable i guess...i seem to have to get up to pee more,and my arm falls asleep when i sleep on my stomach so i keep tossing and turning...etc etc...these might be good notes for future pediatric care workers,but i doubt anyone else wants to know!
i finished watching the lord of the rings and it was wonderful.
i started crying when frodo said 'i wish i had never gotten the ring' and gandalf says 'many of us wish these things had not happened,but it's what we do when they do that counts' or something like that and that really got to me,because that's life in a nutshell isn't it? and it really feels true in my life right now especially...and i wish i handled my problems with more grace like i see some other people do!
i complain so much,and i dont' know why i do and have a hard time stopping myself...i wonder if it's the only way i know how to get attention!
and when i cried i wondered if it would be the last time i cried for a long time,because i'll be taking meds,and that made me sad too.i WANT to cry over sad things.sometimes i want to cry but i can't force myself...generally something has to 'hit' me.
the other day i guess i was in a weepy mood. one driver honked his horn and i noticed that a little old silver haired lady had made a stupid driving mistake,and i felt so bad for her,to not be sharp and to have someone honking their car horn at her and the fact that making driving mistakes is dangerous and how sad that is for old folks,and how i worry about my mother driving just around here. and then i saw the ambulance with it's lights going but not driving fast turning into the hospital..obviously someone had just died in there,and when i see that, i get weepy.i don't cry for the dead...either their troubles are over or they are in a better place or both. i cry for those who just lost them.