friends lists

[bluegreen17]

just an observation...
i've noticed that when i remove someone from my friends list (and i have never done it in anger or maliciously),they often remove me right away.

now,i check joule fairly often out of curiousity if anyone new has added me--i have a great appetite for variety and newness--that's why i add and take people off my list--and so i've noticed this when checking joule.

the reason i'm making this comment is that when someone takes me off their list i don't generally go right over and delete them from MY list. i read whom i'm interested in reading at the time--even if someone has taken me off their list.

any comments in relation to this topic from anybody?
i'm curious as to how other folks approach this.

Comments

[sophy.livejournal.com]

I'm the same as you.
The only time I'd take someone off right away after they'd taken me off is if I'd been kinda wanting to take them off anyway, and when they removed, it was like "ah, good, they feel the same way. no big deal."
But even then, it usually takes me awhile. Because I just go to manage friends every now and again to add and delete people. So, it usually all happens in a big lump.

[seraphimsigrist.livejournal.com]

I usually do remove someone who removes me, not
out of some resentment(there is no contract of
'friendship') but because I have rather many friends
and I think I owe them the attention of being aware of
them and of what they are writing(choosing to read or
not a specific thing but aware of it at least and choosing...
I do not read the 'quiz' posting things , most memes,
most political rants and so on...but even these are
something to be aware of. it seems the friends are
a small village and as one sees well there is the mailman
and there is the baker going to work and so on, one sees
them and I think this attention is owed).
however they are many and it is not simple.
I think my first attention is owed to those who have included
me in their little villages...and so I usually remove
those who remove me. I say usually because there have been cases
where I left the other on for a time but anyway that is the
way and the reason of it.
If my friends number was less I would use a different approach
quite likely.
+Seraphim

[solarfields.livejournal.com]

I have noticed the same phenomenon here. I actually had someone tell me they removed me and wanted me to do the same -- they didn't WANT me still reading them anymore, even though I ejoyed reading them, which is a different but related situation. I rarely check to see whose added or dumped me. I'll go check people out who start posting out of nowhere, but I don't pay attention much.

I "dumped" some people recently and someone who I didn't dump dumped me. But it's all good. My f list is now manageable and I get to comment more, which makes me feel good.

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

i take them off right away. i have few people on my list who don't also list me. i like mutuality.

mutuality

[bluegreen17]

are you in the mood to explain more at length why you like mutuality? maybe that's a dumb question--i don't know,but i'm interested if you're inspired!
i think it's this sort of thing that makes me think i'm a little bit 'autistic'...sometimes i've thought so,but i don't fit an 'autistic' or 'asperger' general profile...anyway,i've slid off-topic here...whether you reply further or not,thanks for your input!

Re: mutuality

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

i used to read every post every person on my list made and tried to comment liberally. then my list went over about 50 people, and it's become less and less possible to do that. if someone who removes me, why keep them? i'd rather use my time replying to and commenting on people who at least minimally interact with me. y'see? :)

(also, i have rather thin skin. a few times people have dropped me and it prickled, so i removed them at once out of hurt. that's childish, but it's the sad truth.)

Re: mutuality

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

oops, i edited my comment wrong. read that "if someone removes me..."

unrelated to friends lists

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

there's a bit of discussion of autism going on over here. Kind of random so far, but on theferrett's journal, discussions in comments can get interesting after a while.

another case

[seraphimsigrist.livejournal.com]

yes agreed. what about the case of someone one
friends, and who obviously reads ones journal but
does not friend in turn? I have a couple of cases
of that and assume it is because they perhaps
tend their friends list less or think of it in some
different way and tend to keep them on.

Re: another case

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

that has happened a few times. i generally drop people who don't friend me back, after giving them a little time to check me out. my list, at 168, is already overwhelming to me!

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

Depends on the situation. Sometimes people have removed me who I'd never had much of a connection to anyway, so they usually got removed immediately unless they were very good writers. If people who have "friends-only" journals remove me, I'll remove them; what's the point of keeping someone on the list if I can never read their posts? But if someone I'm interested in keeping up with drops me from their list, and it's still possible for me to read them, I'll generally keep 'em on my list and comment in their journals when the spirit moves me.

[osondrea.livejournal.com]

I add people usually because I like reading what they write. I often keep people that 'unfriend' me because I am reluctant to leave anything behind. (INFP, is, I think, my Meyers-Briggs classification.)

I should actually probably thin things out. This is my second Lj, and between this and my alter-ego, I have some 200 friends, and 20 communities. And here I am wandering around (got here through "uplifting") looking for more!

I have found some insight, though. One person who I have thought didn't like me turns out to be a lot like me, with a lot of the same problems, which explains why we don't get along sometimes. So, by staying on each other's friend list, we may actually be friends some day.

[carocrow.livejournal.com]

I guess it depends on whether I was reading them or not whether I remove them when they remove me. But my Friends and Friends Of list is pretty static.

[alabastard.livejournal.com]

When someone drops me and I don't know them, I assume they are no longer interested in conversing, so I move on.

I do like mutuality, as my LJ tends to be giant conversations rather than a showpiece meant to entertain the masses. I might do more of that if I had more time, but life takes most of that ... LJ as being like a giant party, people enter and leave all night but conversations happen and bonds are forged, some right away, others in time.

[sammhain.livejournal.com]

I sometimes remove folks straight off usually it's because while I think they're a pretty ok person I wasn''t all that interested in their journal.

Because I too like variety I friend anyone who friends me, and because I've seen people get their feelings hurt over being removed, I typically don't do it unless they've already unfriended me or stopped posting for a long amount of time.

I do have folks on my lj who have defriended or never friended me too, so I dig what you're saying about just reading who you want to read.