bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2008-06-02 04:16 pm
bluegreen17) wrote2008-06-02 04:16 pm
life is too high maintenance for me
life is too high maintenance for me.
(edit:i was going to just leave it at that,but nooooo,i had just STARTED my
complaining) and
i use an extraordinary amount of energy getting up in the morning,then even more on showering and dressing. then i drag myself through the day. if i'm lucky and feel like i have managed to accomplish what i needed to,i may feel good for a few hours in the evening. then i go to bed,wake up and the awfulness of the morning is there again.
any little problem throws me,because i am using all my energy getting through the day when things are 'normal'. having to handle any more feels awful.
often i have no choice. just a little thing like they were powerwashing the outside of my building with a noisy machine this morning on my day off when i can stay in bed late bothers me. and i had to clear off my patio for the painters. and now i have to have the screens removed from my windows for painting,and last time they did that,they left the screens off the windows for days,so i couldn't open the windows,especially at night,because of all the winged creatures i don't want flying around my apartment. i hate bugs anyway. and this on one of the few days that the weather is pleasant enough for open windows...not cold or chilly or muggy or hot. we seem to have a very few out of each 365 days of the year,and i want my windows open dammit!
at least i am enjoying the air now,as the painters are done for the day. but in a little while i'm taking my dad out to wendy's and that will not be pleasant--my dad has alzheimer's and he hates where he lives and i just get all depressed about it.
and all this is because i'm either too sensitive to everything or i'm depressed,and probably both.
(edit:i was going to just leave it at that,but nooooo,i had just STARTED my
complaining) and
i use an extraordinary amount of energy getting up in the morning,then even more on showering and dressing. then i drag myself through the day. if i'm lucky and feel like i have managed to accomplish what i needed to,i may feel good for a few hours in the evening. then i go to bed,wake up and the awfulness of the morning is there again.
any little problem throws me,because i am using all my energy getting through the day when things are 'normal'. having to handle any more feels awful.
often i have no choice. just a little thing like they were powerwashing the outside of my building with a noisy machine this morning on my day off when i can stay in bed late bothers me. and i had to clear off my patio for the painters. and now i have to have the screens removed from my windows for painting,and last time they did that,they left the screens off the windows for days,so i couldn't open the windows,especially at night,because of all the winged creatures i don't want flying around my apartment. i hate bugs anyway. and this on one of the few days that the weather is pleasant enough for open windows...not cold or chilly or muggy or hot. we seem to have a very few out of each 365 days of the year,and i want my windows open dammit!
at least i am enjoying the air now,as the painters are done for the day. but in a little while i'm taking my dad out to wendy's and that will not be pleasant--my dad has alzheimer's and he hates where he lives and i just get all depressed about it.
and all this is because i'm either too sensitive to everything or i'm depressed,and probably both.