what's bothering me NOW

[bluegreen17]

i was gonna write a neurotic email to my sister sara about what is bothering me NOW but i thought i'd post instead and bother EVERYBODY.

is there such a thing as a depressive
comedian? because i aspire to that. though when one is below a certain threshold with depression,there is no longer a sense of humor. i'm not there at the moment. mostly i am when i wake up in the morning. sometimes i'm better after i get dressed.

well,today i am upset because the propane company was doing godknowswhat underneath my window yesterday,and after they left,i noticed yellow and white chalklines around the building,including near where my air conditioning unit is. i'm very protective of my ac unit,because i have what the doctor calls 'uticaria' which means my skin is sensitive--in my case to heat and/or humidity--and i can have horrible itchiness from it. so i NEED my ac unit to work. last year it broke down on my birthday,and it was a weekend,so i had to go more than a day without ac. i didn't even want to move,and i didn't go outside,because i was afraid i'd sweat too much and get the unbearable itchies. i couldn't sleep either. it sucked.

so,today when i was coming back from throwing some stuff in the dumpster i noticed the letters 'd i g s' written in chalk. and i think that has something to do with 'dig safe'. ugh....are they going to be digging up underneath my ac unit? or what? will they damage it or accidentally unhook it or unhook it on purpose without telling me? the condo association often does things without warning us. last winter they installed dryer vents,which meant the carpenters would need access to our units,but never told us in advance. i only found out because i went over to the carpenters and asked them what the hell they were doing (installing the outside parts of the vents at the time.) shit. disruptions in my life really bother me. and that's life...disruption after disruption. and hardly worth it. but i'm too depressed to kill myself. well,there's the matter of i wouldn't like to do that to my family either.

i wish i'd just die in my sleep,but i'd feel bad leaving my apartment a mess...and i have no energy to clean it.

&*$#

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[tai-meyer.livejournal.com]

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