bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2008-09-19 01:35 am
bluegreen17) wrote2008-09-19 01:35 am
"belong"
i'm 50 and the cool thing is i care less what other people think. i'm sick of being 'special',though. you can be special and be totally overlooked. i know because i spent three months almost entirely alone but thank goodness for my sisters,dad and a couple of friends who live far away. i think that must be what it is like when you are old and just waiting to die. but i don't mean to be quite so negative as all that right now.
i just want to belong somewhere. but i don't think i'll get much when i google "working mentally ill" or "disillusioned by but not militantly anti-new age" or "mostly surviving" or "no seriously,i COULD become a bag lady someday". if you know of any groups or even individuals that fit that description,let me know,okay?
but hey,there are some good things in life. i still have food and a roof over my head and a job, at least for now. and i still have my webtv for $22 a month which connects me to this-here interweb. i may never achieve my dream of owning a computer,though. i thought i might be a poor adult but i also thought that i'd be a social worker wearing a cape,helping to make people's lives better, and having a supporting cast of friends,so it would all be worth it. now i'm somewhere between cynical or bitter. hell,i do have happy moments but that's because i'm crazy and i forget by distracting myself from all the things i should attend to but have no energy to do. once i can't pay for cable tv anymore,i won't be able to distract myself with sports anymore. or i could keep listening to sports radio on am since that's free,even if i wouldn't know what the hell they're talking about if i have no cable tv to watch games! haha. funny old life.
i just want to belong somewhere. but i don't think i'll get much when i google "working mentally ill" or "disillusioned by but not militantly anti-new age" or "mostly surviving" or "no seriously,i COULD become a bag lady someday". if you know of any groups or even individuals that fit that description,let me know,okay?
but hey,there are some good things in life. i still have food and a roof over my head and a job, at least for now. and i still have my webtv for $22 a month which connects me to this-here interweb. i may never achieve my dream of owning a computer,though. i thought i might be a poor adult but i also thought that i'd be a social worker wearing a cape,helping to make people's lives better, and having a supporting cast of friends,so it would all be worth it. now i'm somewhere between cynical or bitter. hell,i do have happy moments but that's because i'm crazy and i forget by distracting myself from all the things i should attend to but have no energy to do. once i can't pay for cable tv anymore,i won't be able to distract myself with sports anymore. or i could keep listening to sports radio on am since that's free,even if i wouldn't know what the hell they're talking about if i have no cable tv to watch games! haha. funny old life.