bluegreen17 | winter

i miss my dad. and yet he's still here...physically. he used to be my unconditional friend. well,he still is,but he's going away,slowly through the journey known as dementia. he can't do and say the things for me that he would like to. and i have a hard time going to visit him,and it really bothers me. i have a depressive disorder,and sometimes it's just really difficult to go see him. one needs lots of patience. and i usually leave there sad.

so i was listening to tori amos 'winter' which is about...dads. and it's like he was talking to me. 'when you gonna love you as much as i love you?' and i know my dad loves me and so does my mom in heaven. i wish i was braver about visiting. i will force myself to go see him soon...but it's heartbreaking. i guess that's selfish of me...i hope he knows how much i love him though...