bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2011-10-17 10:48 pm
bluegreen17) wrote2011-10-17 10:48 pm
(no subject)
it seems i'm already bored with tv shows. this has nothing to do with their quality. it has more to do with my brain. it's not them,it's me. at least i think so. following tv shows seems like too much work. fringe is a good show but it is just too much for my lazy brain to follow. terra nova is too action oriented for me. so...i'm mostly watching big bang theory reruns and the weekly new episode. i figure i will eventually get bored with it,but i guess i like it because there are some good geeky laughs.
i just spent most of the last three days in bed. which is a shame,because it's been nice out. i did get up once today to make a needed phone call,but then i went back to bed. tonight i did go out to buy groceries and unrust my car. i was told by my mechanic that since i don't commute regularly anymore,if i want my car to last (and i do,since i don't see how i'll ever be able to buy one again unless i find some rich friends. and i'm not finding many friends,never mind rich! cuz i don't have the energy. or interest. and yet i'm lonely. but that's another tangent.) i should drive my car often enough,especially after it rains. and it always seems to be raining. i guess things are more likely to get rusty if they just sit there wet for days and the car doesn't move,the moisture stagnates or something like that. it would be really bad not to have a car,since i have no friends! o woe is me. i need to learn more one day at a time.
most people around me are better off than i am,but many many people are worse off. i just find being alive scary a lot of the time.
things are always changing,and that's both good and bad,scary and encouraging.
i find i don't really know how to connect with people who 'get' me,or maybe people in general,much anymore. i spend most of my time on tumblr,because sharing photos of art and architecture and pretty colors cheers me up. but tumblr isn't so good for communicating. or at least not for me. i don't do much communicating on livejournal either. i still read,make some comments. i don't think what i write is much worth reading,so no wonder i don't get more comments. i'm certainly not wanting people to read stuff that is not of interest. i do have a lot of followers..well,one hundred,which is more than i follow,on tumblr. i seem to be better at finding lovely things to share than i am writing without complaining too much!
one of the best online communities for me was open diary a few years back. then again,maybe i was cheerier or funnier or just luckier.
people recommend to me that i join depression support groups and the like. i have found,though,that that sort of things makes me feel more depressed. i'd like to be around less depressed people,because they cheer me up in general just by connecting with them,but i can see why they might not want to connect with ME. depressed people are not much fun to be around. or maybe i should clarify that as depressed people who don't cope with their depression well! sometimes i do,sometimes i don't. i'm getting grouchier and apathetic. maybe the new direction i may be taking in therapy will help. if i'm able to escape the clutches of apathy! it can be quite the loop.
i just spent most of the last three days in bed. which is a shame,because it's been nice out. i did get up once today to make a needed phone call,but then i went back to bed. tonight i did go out to buy groceries and unrust my car. i was told by my mechanic that since i don't commute regularly anymore,if i want my car to last (and i do,since i don't see how i'll ever be able to buy one again unless i find some rich friends. and i'm not finding many friends,never mind rich! cuz i don't have the energy. or interest. and yet i'm lonely. but that's another tangent.) i should drive my car often enough,especially after it rains. and it always seems to be raining. i guess things are more likely to get rusty if they just sit there wet for days and the car doesn't move,the moisture stagnates or something like that. it would be really bad not to have a car,since i have no friends! o woe is me. i need to learn more one day at a time.
most people around me are better off than i am,but many many people are worse off. i just find being alive scary a lot of the time.
things are always changing,and that's both good and bad,scary and encouraging.
i find i don't really know how to connect with people who 'get' me,or maybe people in general,much anymore. i spend most of my time on tumblr,because sharing photos of art and architecture and pretty colors cheers me up. but tumblr isn't so good for communicating. or at least not for me. i don't do much communicating on livejournal either. i still read,make some comments. i don't think what i write is much worth reading,so no wonder i don't get more comments. i'm certainly not wanting people to read stuff that is not of interest. i do have a lot of followers..well,one hundred,which is more than i follow,on tumblr. i seem to be better at finding lovely things to share than i am writing without complaining too much!
one of the best online communities for me was open diary a few years back. then again,maybe i was cheerier or funnier or just luckier.
people recommend to me that i join depression support groups and the like. i have found,though,that that sort of things makes me feel more depressed. i'd like to be around less depressed people,because they cheer me up in general just by connecting with them,but i can see why they might not want to connect with ME. depressed people are not much fun to be around. or maybe i should clarify that as depressed people who don't cope with their depression well! sometimes i do,sometimes i don't. i'm getting grouchier and apathetic. maybe the new direction i may be taking in therapy will help. if i'm able to escape the clutches of apathy! it can be quite the loop.
no subject