don't fence me in! or out!/being melodramatic

[bluegreen17]

i am heartsick,soul crushed. just more of the same,but...i wake up this morning and see a fence all around next door's area. and it extends right up to where the stone wall is to the back. i feel stupid feeling so miserable about this...what a first world problem...but! next will be security lights. i don't even have decent curtains. the trees used to give me a sort of canopy. sheltering me from heat or cold. looking beautiful. there's still a few left,for now. thank goodness. i don't have a lot of spare cash,so i probably won't,but i just want to buy heavy gloomy curtains,close them,and totally hibernate. the trees used to feed my soul and spirit. made it feel lighter,when it feels quite heavy. lightened the load a little. now that feels gone. i feel...er...like i'm in a dungeon. i feel attacked personally. then i hate myself for being so wimpy. how do i retrieve that part of my soul that has been ripped from me. is there a way? rhetorical question. now i'm sad. and tummy has been bothering me. and therapist is on vacation. and i see that therapist,someone i see twice a month,cannot be a refuge but must be someone i learn from,and that takes more FROM me. and how to soothe myself..i don't know.

i will carry on..