my dad,who just passed away (trigger warning for discussion of death)

[bluegreen17]

spent the day with my family on new year's day,but it was a sad one. my dad passed away this evening just before 900. two of my sisters and my brotherinlaw and i were with him when he died. i'm glad we were there,because he put up quite a fight at the age of 83. my stubborn dad...wanted to hang on until 2012 i suppose. well,really,i didn't think he knew how to give up. they had to give him a lot of morphine to quiet him and his fighting to stay alive. finally,his breathing slowed and shallowed and he was slightly more relaxed. i didn't have to say i loved him because i told him all the time while he was alive. i don't know if he would have understood the words now. i don't know if he really knew who we were,but i'm sure he felt a lot of love in the room with him. i got there around 100 this afternoon,and soon after one of my nieces and two of my sisters showed up. in the next car was my brotherinlaw and the two other kids,my niece and nephew. the kids stayed quite a long time but it's really hard to see someone like that at their young ages. 23,18 and 13 are not all that young,but still young to see that.

i'm so glad we were there,because even though there were sort of people around,we were there to hold his hand. i told him he had done a great job of being a dad and now it was time for him to rest. i felt honored to be with him at the end. i saw him take his last breath. i was in awe of him and of death. i didn't want to leave him.i have missed him for a long time,because he was my good buddy whom i could always tease and laugh with,and then slowly he went away into the world of alzheimer's. now i will miss him in a different way.

while we were sitting there with him,we talked about who would be stopping by for him. in the next world,that is. maybe my mom did,even though they were divorced. but i think since mom's been gone for the last seven years and has been 'up there' with my aunts,uncles,great aunts and great uncles and grandparents that she has put past differences behind her and organized a welcoming party. i like to think so. dad really deserves a rest,but first a party. i'm so glad he's not suffering any more. happy new year's day,dad. i love you,but you know that.

Comments

[sophy.livejournal.com]

*warm hugs*

[bluegreen17]

thank you. much appreciated!

[hummingwolf.livejournal.com]

::hugs:: and condolences on your loss.

[bluegreen17]

thank you! i appreciate your thoughts and hugs.

[zoe-1418.livejournal.com]

Hi. I came to your LJ via a comment you'd left in daisydumont's, and read this post, which speaks to me, as I'm now facing my parents' declines with dementia. They are 91 and 92, and I know their deaths are coming. I really appreciate your description of sitting with your dad.

I'd like to "friend" you, if you wouldn't mind.

(Oh, and I'm an editor too.)

[bluegreen17]

hi,j,right? zoe is your pup? i'm sorry to hear you are dealing with that stuff with your parents.all you can do is your best,but i know how hard it is. my mom had dementia before she died too,seven years ago. i don't write much here but i do check and read posts most days. my favorite haunt these days is tumblr. it's making me want to get a digital camera and learn how to use it. do you enjoy your work as an editor?

[zoe-1418.livejournal.com]

Yup, Zoe is the pup! (almost 8 yrs old but still a pup)

Yes, I'm J.

A lot of my posts are friends-only these days -- I have a batch of them that have "Elderland" in the title, in which I'm pretty candid about dementia, caregiving, and sibling issues.

I've been an editor for about 25 years... I'm in what I'd say is my "terminal" job now ;-) -- No, really, I love this place more than anyplace I've worked, although editing in itself can be mind-numbingly tedious, and I expect to stay here until I retire (which might be another 15-20 years!).

Nice to meet you!