bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2012-03-09 11:07 am
bluegreen17) wrote2012-03-09 11:07 am
on finding out what is wrong with me after fifty years...
a visit to my sister is long overdue,but everything in my life is overdue. like,where is that guy i am going to elope with? haha.
i started watching the nineties version of 'flipper' last night.all that water is refreshing! but the writing is pretty abysmal. oh,well. speaking of abysmal,i watched 'person of interest' last night and is it me or is jim cazaviel the worst actor after the guy on csi miami/nypdblue? david caruso.
today i have an appointment to set up a disability trust for myself with some money my dad left me. my sisters and i are amazed dad had any money left after all the expensive medical care he needed the last few years,but he did. before he got alzheimer's,he was quite a good investor and accountant.it bothers me that someone as intelligent as my dad got alzheimer's,but who knows? he used his brain but for many of the same things. and who knows for sure what causes that? but as a baby boomer,i'm terrified of getting older...there's no one to take care of me and all the other geezers. unless the world ends this year...then no worries. oh,i'm being silly,but i'm also sincere. so i have that appointment and i'm a little overwhelmed but overwhelmed is my life.
speaking of which,i don't think i've mentioned here on lj that i finally found out what is 'wrong with me'. when i was a kid,i was unhappy and frustrated much of the time. my parents did what they could to help me,but i was also considered a 'naughty'-the word they used for badly behaved...child.
i had tantrums and once kicked in a closet door. i couldn't stand things that felt funny and i needed to have my way. i was a brat. i tried very hard to be good,but it wasn't easy. and nobody noticed when i was good! anyway...when i was about ten my parents took me to a psychiatrist to see if that would help. the psy had me go through a set of cards and put them in piles of things i liked to do and those i didn't. i was rather suspicious...what did she think i was? i didn't think setting things on fire was fun! what was that doing there? anyhow...i had one appointment and then the psy broke her hip,and with one thing and another...i never went back. and i had always wanted to find out what was wrong with me,because apparently something was. life felt funny. a lot of times,life felt bad. why couldn't my parents make me feel better?
so,about two weeks ago,my therapist figured out i was on the autistic spectrum. she finally realized why her neurotypical thinking made her think my thinking was 'twisted'. i have long suspected i was on the autistic spectrum,so it was a relief. because now she is going to approach my therapy from the point of view that i'm not supposed to think the same way.i think she was getting frustrated that i couldn't get some things through my thick skull. well,it's not because i'm stupid. though sometimes i am. so,i finally know what is 'wrong' with me forty years later.
i started watching the nineties version of 'flipper' last night.all that water is refreshing! but the writing is pretty abysmal. oh,well. speaking of abysmal,i watched 'person of interest' last night and is it me or is jim cazaviel the worst actor after the guy on csi miami/nypdblue? david caruso.
today i have an appointment to set up a disability trust for myself with some money my dad left me. my sisters and i are amazed dad had any money left after all the expensive medical care he needed the last few years,but he did. before he got alzheimer's,he was quite a good investor and accountant.it bothers me that someone as intelligent as my dad got alzheimer's,but who knows? he used his brain but for many of the same things. and who knows for sure what causes that? but as a baby boomer,i'm terrified of getting older...there's no one to take care of me and all the other geezers. unless the world ends this year...then no worries. oh,i'm being silly,but i'm also sincere. so i have that appointment and i'm a little overwhelmed but overwhelmed is my life.
speaking of which,i don't think i've mentioned here on lj that i finally found out what is 'wrong with me'. when i was a kid,i was unhappy and frustrated much of the time. my parents did what they could to help me,but i was also considered a 'naughty'-the word they used for badly behaved...child.
i had tantrums and once kicked in a closet door. i couldn't stand things that felt funny and i needed to have my way. i was a brat. i tried very hard to be good,but it wasn't easy. and nobody noticed when i was good! anyway...when i was about ten my parents took me to a psychiatrist to see if that would help. the psy had me go through a set of cards and put them in piles of things i liked to do and those i didn't. i was rather suspicious...what did she think i was? i didn't think setting things on fire was fun! what was that doing there? anyhow...i had one appointment and then the psy broke her hip,and with one thing and another...i never went back. and i had always wanted to find out what was wrong with me,because apparently something was. life felt funny. a lot of times,life felt bad. why couldn't my parents make me feel better?
so,about two weeks ago,my therapist figured out i was on the autistic spectrum. she finally realized why her neurotypical thinking made her think my thinking was 'twisted'. i have long suspected i was on the autistic spectrum,so it was a relief. because now she is going to approach my therapy from the point of view that i'm not supposed to think the same way.i think she was getting frustrated that i couldn't get some things through my thick skull. well,it's not because i'm stupid. though sometimes i am. so,i finally know what is 'wrong' with me forty years later.