futility infielder

[bluegreen17]

sometimes i get quite lonely,but i don't have much energy to engage in friendship. i'm feeling a little lost,honestly. or maybe it's just my depression speaking. i also want to live in a clean apartment,but don't have energy for that.

i have a major depressive disorder,but i'm also having a bad episode on top of the chronic stuff. winters are tough for me,but i usually feel better in spring. but not this year. i think i'm still grieving the loss of my dad. or i'm just getting worse,which is scary. but honestly,it probably is the loss of my dad and the prospect that the sister that i'm closest to is planning on moving far away. not to get away from me,but because she's always wanted to live in a certain area in the usa.

i'm just hoping this is just a tough patch and i will bounce back to merely being chronically but not severely depressed. some of us don't respond well to meds for depression,and i'm one of those. thanks for reading. at least the internet makes me slightly less isolated.

Comments

[zoe-1418.livejournal.com]

I am just writing to let you know that it's true, with the Internet you are not completely alone. People complain about that a lot these days -- how e-media has taken over our lives -- but I for instance have found LiveJournal and Facebook friends to be life-savers in the process of going through what I call "Elderland" and especially in the aftermath of my mother's death. You, for instance, have been a great support to me through LJ...

I'm sorry about what you're going through. It hasn't been all that long since your father died, has it? It's hard to sort out when grief is on top of other emotional challenges... but I do think it is likely you are still grieving.

And I'm sorry that meds don't help you. I've been very lucky that they help me (with OCD and other anxiety-related stuff), but I've known others who have not had such luck.

[bluegreen17]

thank you for your kind and supportive note. my dad died on new year's day,so it's been a few months,but he and i were very close and i also think i'm having a delayed reaction type grief. it is hard to tell. i talked with my youngest sister who is a lot like me and knows me well,and she really thinks it is grief in addition that i am going through.

i am trying to honor that and not rush to add more meds. it is normal to grieve,and some might choose meds to help them through that,but for me being already on meds,i just want to get through it,and fortunately i do have some support systems. maybe not as wide as some,but some good deep connections,like my sisters,a good therapist,kind neighbors and a few very thoughtful friends here on lj like yourself and elsewhere. i think the internet,like everything else,is a mixed blessing. it does help people who are homebound to different degrees communicate with the world,even as it can sometimes keep people from doing things face to face. but that's the part we have to negotiate and overall i'm very grateful for the internet in my circumstances. thanks again for your support and i hope you are doing okay. i'm feeling better today.