bluegreen17 | my mother is denied nursing home admittance

well,things are looking pretty bad right now for my family.

my mother has been in the hospital this week having different tests done and we were hoping we could get her into a nursing home from there.

the neuroligist's closest diagnosis was that she has something called psuedobulbar palsy,which has caused her to not be able to speak coherently,forget things,and do things that are embarrassing in public. i called her this evening and she had a coughing fit,but coughed INTO the phone,right in my ear...this is not the actions of someone in their right mind. and the coughing itself is scary. she has emphysema but they think she is fine with her inhaler medicine.

the social worker says she is fit to go home and stay alone. there is no way we can leave her alone. the neurologist said that since her dementia has progressed rapidly,it will continue to progress at a rapid pace. i am thoroughly disgusted with the social worker and her assessment.
two of my sisters argued with the social worker and ended up in tears.

we cannot take care of her! i dread having to take care of her just for the two days! i have not ever wanted to have children and i just can't deal with the idea of having to change diapers for my mother. i know some people do it. i am really angry that i might have to do that. if i wasn't taking wellbutrin,i'm sure i'd be very suicidal by now. as it is,i am pretty depressed and this is bad enough i may end up feeling suicidal again in spite of the medication.

i just can't live with this much longer,and it is going to be hard not to take it out on my mother,who is supposedly competent to take care of herself! my sisters and i know we can't leave her alone.

the sister of mine who has my mother for most of the week has a seriously ill husband who is going to have to have chemotherapy soon and there is no way my sister can take care of my mother when she'll be caring for my brother in law as well as her three children.
the other three of us work full-time and can't take care of her.and if she has breathing problems again we can't stay awake all night to make sure she doesnt' suffocate! i am so angry right now...if we had money we could get care for our mother....maybe i should write to the president,he's so great....

the only option i see right now is my other sister taking mom back to pennsylvania with her at least for a while. and that makes things extra difficult. my sister has been here for two weeks with her four year old twins by herself and she has been doing a lot to help out and no doubt is exhausted as well.

boy,if we ever needed a miracle,it is now. i'm going to be praying,and hoping there is a god who listens and cares.

i really don't want to live anymore if things don't improve for us,but i guess i can't bail on my family.

god,i'm back to the pit.maybe things will look better in the morning,but i won't hold my breath.

i hope i'm able to bounce back...

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I am sorry to hear about your mother's health, and the difficulties with the social worker. They're supposed to help solve problems, not create them. She probably took your mother at her word, that she can take care of herself.

I have found myself having to take on the role of caretaker from time to time. It is not as abjectly horrible as I thought it would be, but it can be a heavy intrusion into one's time. What I found is that it is really not that hard to do what needs to be done, to clean messes that have to be cleaned, and just get through the day. It is not enviable, but if I can get through it, I know you can.

Be blessed.

thanks for the note. this whole situation is extra scary for me because it brings the feelings of depression screeching back,and i'm already on medication for that.hopefully we'll get through this and there will be brighter days ahead for all of us.thanks again,di

I'm sorry too. From what I hear of social workers generally, I'm not impressed--especially not now. I know it won't be easy, but I also know you'll get through it. And remember...no shame in hiding in the world of LOTR. Frodo will never hurt us!

thanks for your sweet note. and it made me laugh,which is a good thing!

i found a book yesterday which is about 'the spiritual journey' in the lord of the rings and the author talked about the ages of the hobbits...frodo and sam were 'middle-aged' and merry and pippin are 'kids' relatively speaking as hobbits. even though i'm middle aged myself i usually like kids...well,older kids more. it's probably because i'm single,no kids and can't relate to people who are always talking about their kids football games,curtains,etc.!

of course,that probably has nothing to do with the frodo,sam,merry and pippin of the movies...for some reason frodo 'does nothing for me' even though he's beautiful,well elijah is. i dont' really like guys that are too pretty,which legolas/orlando is way over the top in that department! merry/dom and pippin/billy aren't pretty but i like their looks better so they're my favorites! i like bilbo/ian too (ian's brilliant!) but of course 'not in the same way' ha. ha.
thanks for the diversion and the chance to babble about middle-earth and hobbits!
di

Ian Holm truly is awesome - for that matter, so's Ian McKellen. Also, Pippin/Billy's accent is especially cute, I must admit. (Apparently you cross the Brandywine River and enter...Scotland!) And yeah, Elijah's very pretty, but it's the character I'm moved by. Elijah himself was barely legal when making the film - it felt a little weird to think of him as an adult when I was used to him being a child actor (and several years younger than me, at that).

Hehe, Orlegolas is indeed outrageously good-looking...which I guess he's supposed to be. The book does say something about how Legolas is "fair of face beyond the measure of man."

See, I tell you, LOTR is the best medicine. :)

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Hm, don't remember any explanation on the DVD for why the Scottish accent was allowed in. Except for a general "the hobbits were supposed to be kinda British."

i don't know if it was you or someone else who mentioned that it's the hobbits grief that really gets to them,and it makes sense,especially pippin who could be blaming himself after all...
Yeah, that was me... poor Pippin crying on the ground there! That's a particularly touching shot.

ah,so since a scottish accent is british,then i guess it was cool...i just think of it as the 'took' accent!

i read something of how they wanted someone british to play frodo,but of course elijah was able to manage a good enough accent and he is a good actor,as far as i can tell...though i do not know the way [back! back! ye voices in me head!]...i mean,though i think i've only seen him in the ice storm,which i thought was pretty weird and in forever young which i barely remember now.

since i've watched the movie so many times now,i can see that elijah's and sean's accents are a bit inconsistent but who cares? and i can't really tell if dom's accent is due to any accent anyway,since i dont really know what his 'normal' accent is to begin with. i know billy's accent from listening to the interviews on his website,which make me smile...but then i think a consistent glasgow accent would be hard to fake,though some have talent with accents.he talks about getting 'fit' and it sounded to me like he was talking about getting 'fat' which i thought was odd...till i figured it out. ha.

Since you're the one who's been taking care of her, maybe you should talk to the social worker ...? And if she still doesn't help you, you or your sisters should go over her head, and keep going if you have to. Your mother is obviously not in her right mind (either that or you've been creating a very credible piece of fiction with your LJ, and I know that is not the case). Did the social worker take the neurologist's report into consideration? Can your provide examples of how your mother can't care for herself or be left alone (how she's a danger to herself by forgetting to turn the stove off or something)? Maybe the social worker is just being lazy. Don't settle for this.

thanks for the note.you're right,this isn't fiction. if i was writing fiction,it would probably be a lot more interesting!

i actually care for my mother on my weekends. i work full-time tues-sat and she is with me on sunday and monday and tuesday morning before i got to work,my sister picks her up. three of us watch out for her alternately. the sister who has done the bulk of the work just sent me an email and she knows more about the situation,so she explained her strategy,as she'd come up with a plan. basically,she believes it's the system and not the social worker who is at fault,and didn't think me making a call would help. she's intelligent and level-headed,so i trust her judgement.i feel bad,but i haven't been much help except some babysitting for the most part. thank goodness for my sisters.
thanks again.
di

Your sister may be right about the system being at fault. As long as you don't give up ... that's the important thing. ;) I had to go through this with my grandmother and father ... such fun!

Good luck with whatever you end up doing.

my mother is denied nursing home admittance

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thanks

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Tha wee Pippin

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More advice, for what it's worth

Re: More advice, for what it's worth

Re: More advice, for what it'sworth