as usual,asking the whys.any psychological insight welcome.

[bluegreen17]

i dont know why,but i have this strong need to find my karass,my tribe,my people. it doesn't mean i can't and don't get along with others,but i really feel like i want to find a few people at least a little like me. or maybe i'm just too introspective (though extroverted,yes) and choosy.

oh,you know,that sense of really belonging. i don't have that and i want that.

i was reading something lately about how not only humans,but animals have some kind of radar for finding their own kind. they've done experiments and been astounded at how like will find like,without having any outward sign.

it's human nature to band together,make your own neighborhood. i feel like a soul orphan.

what's wrong with me? sometimes i feel like i'm on a planet of one,and i don't like it.

Comments

[chaiya.livejournal.com]

I know it sounds trite, but everyone feels this way sometimes. I know a bunch of people who all went to a party together and started talking about how they were looking for a TRIBE to belong to and do things with. And you know what? They formed an email list and started doing things together and now hang out on a weekly basis. There's no one descriptor that describes all of them -- some are geeks, some are into kinky sexuality, some are into political change -- but they've formed a social unit that is now pretty hard to beat in terms of support and inclusion.

Sometimes you sound the way I sounded when I was living in rural NH -- nobody nearby who could understand me. Do you long to move closer to the city and find more people like yourself? What do you think you can do to help satisfy your desires?

[bluegreen17]

thanks for the note.
i do agree that probably most people feel that way sometimes,but i feel like this A LOT and have for a long time.

the mention of rural n.h....well,that may be something to consider. i did a directory search for people from 35-50 in new hampshire. i think there were only about 35 people,though of course i wasn't surprised because the demographic here is much younger. and then i checked out a few journals,and sad to say,i was kind of apalled at the way people were.

right now i can't really move. my mom is in a nursing home close by and she will probably only be around a couple more years due to a degenerative illness. also,my dad lives alone (parents are divorced) so i won't be packing up and leaving. as for the future,who knows,though i have a very low income and don't have money for much,and moving costs money. that probably won't change,but who knows?

i feel really stuck due to the parent thing and finances. not to mention lack of time. and due to finances,i will probably have even less time as i will probably have to work a second job to survive when the savings i've been using to supplement my income runs out. oh,well. i don't feel horrible but i'm lonely for connection and can't figure out how to find it. i didn't even have much luck when i had more time and money.

just like the deal of people telling me for years 'there's somebody out there for you',meaning a soulmate,partner,whatever,and at my age i rather doubt it,since i haven't found them yet. i dont trust fate to help me find friends. i guess i'm a bit cynical on destiny and the benevolence of the universe in general.

well,i haven't totally given up on trying to work with what i've got,but some days it gets to me more than others.

i'm grateful for what i have...a place to live,a job,etc. but it doesn't seem too much to ask to have a small circle of friends too! maybe it IS too much to expect,but sometimes it seems like i'm the only one with no one to hang around with,and i feel like a loser,and yet that doesn't make sense. i'm personable,and as outgoing as i can be considering i'm basically shy.which is actually pretty outgoing in my case.

well,sorry i've babbled on and on. you should be getting a therapist's wage just to read this!

thanks for taking the time to respond!

[gerry.livejournal.com]

that's how i feel...lonely on this planet... surrounded by other individuals i don't want or can't really cooperate with..to cooperate would be or is always an act of self-negation....it's like living in an gulag for me...or at least it's my neurotic form to feel, that i have to live in a gulag

[bluegreen17]

i'm sorry you feel that way too.
i've actually connected with more people online (though not very many!) and yet i just want someone compatible to hang around with.
i still think there's hope...so i hope you have some hope too!