bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2003-02-15 08:35 pm
bluegreen17) wrote2003-02-15 08:35 pm
feed your head
yes,i'll admit it. i've been whoring all over livejournal today,adding people to my friends list and joining more communities. i'm a slut,but there are so many interesting people and communities here and i have a wide range of interests. no one trick pony,i.
of course i feel guilty (raised catholic) because i obviously don't keep up very well with everyone. but it's not that i don't like you,or i wouldn't have added you to my friends list to begin with. and i'm pretty particular,even though with around three hundred on my friends list,it doesn't look that way. but there's what...a million livejournals now? so three hundred is a select few.
whoring on livejournal is an excellent antidote for depression. speaking of which,when things on the internet are slow (i have msntv dial-up,not the speediest gun in town,but usually not too horrible) i read books and magazines and sometimes i even do some domestic chore,but i'm certainly more motivated to read during 'commercials'. and of course,sometimes use the bathroom and eat meals and snack and...etc.
i read hesse's steppenwolf a couple of autumn's ago when i was spending a lot of time on open diary and it was being horrendously slow. with my interesting and spontaneous attention span,it's a good way for me to read books,though mostly i read magazines and stuff on the net.
anyhow,i am slowly making my way through mel ash's 'zen of recovery'. right now i'm reading the background of bill wilson,a.a. and twelve steps groups. interesting. i commented recently that i didn't think that depressed people can really help each other. but someone left me a note in one of the communities and in a nice way said she disagreed and i should give it a try. and then i found it interesting that bill wilson found it so helpful to help OTHER alcoholics. i think it has something to do with unhealthy self-absorption...it helps you get out of yourself.
i don't like doing things for others out of obligation but i do things for other people,and gladly so,when it's on my own initiative.it's probably a control issue...control is a huge thing with me because of feelings of fear and vulnerability...at least i'm aware of it,a small step.
i realize this is partly why i hate cleaning up after people at work etc. i'm not very good at being servile,especially when taken for granted. i don't mind it so much if someone ASKS me nicely to do something for them,but to be honest,i'm not too crazy about that either. but i will sometimes go over to people with perplexed looks on their faces and ask if i can help them. if i'm having a bad moment,i won't,because i just can't deal. but i'm really not an unkind soul as much as i'm self-absorbed and kind of bogged down with my emotional u-haul full of junk. maybe someday i'll change,maybe i won't.
have i changed over the years? yes,in some respects,no in others.
i've been angry/depressed most of my life so far. i'm also shy and used to be more retreating than i am now...if that hadn't changed,there's no way i could survive retail and be able to go up to people and ask if they need help.
well,enough for now. fortunately for me,when i called into work sick,a call i very much dreaded,my boss was fairly sympathetic. i just told her i felt really awful (which was true...but as you can see,staying home has been somewhat therapeutic...though sometimes going to work is...but i just couldn't face it today) and i was going to be going back to the doctor for some help,which i am.
yes,yes,i'll stop for now. my laundry needs drying and it's not going to leap into the dryer by itself and i can't find my remote.
of course i feel guilty (raised catholic) because i obviously don't keep up very well with everyone. but it's not that i don't like you,or i wouldn't have added you to my friends list to begin with. and i'm pretty particular,even though with around three hundred on my friends list,it doesn't look that way. but there's what...a million livejournals now? so three hundred is a select few.
whoring on livejournal is an excellent antidote for depression. speaking of which,when things on the internet are slow (i have msntv dial-up,not the speediest gun in town,but usually not too horrible) i read books and magazines and sometimes i even do some domestic chore,but i'm certainly more motivated to read during 'commercials'. and of course,sometimes use the bathroom and eat meals and snack and...etc.
i read hesse's steppenwolf a couple of autumn's ago when i was spending a lot of time on open diary and it was being horrendously slow. with my interesting and spontaneous attention span,it's a good way for me to read books,though mostly i read magazines and stuff on the net.
anyhow,i am slowly making my way through mel ash's 'zen of recovery'. right now i'm reading the background of bill wilson,a.a. and twelve steps groups. interesting. i commented recently that i didn't think that depressed people can really help each other. but someone left me a note in one of the communities and in a nice way said she disagreed and i should give it a try. and then i found it interesting that bill wilson found it so helpful to help OTHER alcoholics. i think it has something to do with unhealthy self-absorption...it helps you get out of yourself.
i don't like doing things for others out of obligation but i do things for other people,and gladly so,when it's on my own initiative.it's probably a control issue...control is a huge thing with me because of feelings of fear and vulnerability...at least i'm aware of it,a small step.
i realize this is partly why i hate cleaning up after people at work etc. i'm not very good at being servile,especially when taken for granted. i don't mind it so much if someone ASKS me nicely to do something for them,but to be honest,i'm not too crazy about that either. but i will sometimes go over to people with perplexed looks on their faces and ask if i can help them. if i'm having a bad moment,i won't,because i just can't deal. but i'm really not an unkind soul as much as i'm self-absorbed and kind of bogged down with my emotional u-haul full of junk. maybe someday i'll change,maybe i won't.
have i changed over the years? yes,in some respects,no in others.
i've been angry/depressed most of my life so far. i'm also shy and used to be more retreating than i am now...if that hadn't changed,there's no way i could survive retail and be able to go up to people and ask if they need help.
well,enough for now. fortunately for me,when i called into work sick,a call i very much dreaded,my boss was fairly sympathetic. i just told her i felt really awful (which was true...but as you can see,staying home has been somewhat therapeutic...though sometimes going to work is...but i just couldn't face it today) and i was going to be going back to the doctor for some help,which i am.
yes,yes,i'll stop for now. my laundry needs drying and it's not going to leap into the dryer by itself and i can't find my remote.
no subject
um,there's a piece of lint on your collar...
i like the sound of that and will check it out...thanks!
trivialities? how are you at trivial pursuit? i'm the family champion...they hate playing with me because i always win. it's not my fault that they didn't know about the congressional medal of honor (i don't either really,but i know it exists)
Re: um,there's a piece of lint on your collar...