bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2003-02-17 12:49 pm
bluegreen17) wrote2003-02-17 12:49 pm
I HATE WINTER!!!!!!! (warning: dark 'humor')
i hate winter!
did i mention i hate winter?
fuckin' blizzard
i have to now hurry through breakfast so i can get to the gas station and grocery shop at two different stores before the visibility gets worse. i didn't do this yesterday because i went to visit my mother in the nursing home because i knew i wouldn't be able to drive over there today. i thought at least i could have a peaceful breakfast first. and then i'll have to get up in the middle of the night (read 8 a.m. since i go to bed in the wee hours of the morning due to my night work schedule) while i'm half asleep and dig my car out of one or two feet of snow so the snow plow guy can do it's thing...and then i get to go to work after not having a decent night's sleep! there's always SOMETHING to look forward to.
maybe i should throw myself in front of a big snow plow...though i guess i probably wouldn't die instantly or die at all and then i'd just be in pain. and as for the train...it doesn't move fast enough to kill me either. oh,yeah,i almost forgot...i can't commit suicide anyway because the life insurance won't pay. damn. i guess george bailey had better insurance than i do. and maybe a better angel. and definitely lots more friends. (maybe because he was a nicer person than i am...or maybe i'd be nicer if i wasn't and hadn't been depressed so much in my life...that would help...it's hard to be nice when you feel horrible,though i at least try not to be not nice,if you get my drift. but i just don't DO much and haven't accomplished much) i'm a failure because i don't have many friends and it's not because i'm not a decent interesting person...it may be partly because friendships take effort and i can't get much done when i feel bad plus it's also hard for people to be friends with depressed people. and i finally took the damned drugs and now they don't work anymore either. i only get one or two cards on my birthday aside from family. god bless my family for loving even when they can't like me. i'm grateful for my family even though i hate living so much of the time. i got lucky with them,though of course they're not perfect. but they're good kindhearted people.
keep me away from the stove. oh,yeah,the life insurance. i'm sentenced to be here until...whenever. i wouldn't mind being here so much if the prison was a little nicer and i was less lonely and i didn't feel bad so often. oh,well.
(i've still got my sense of humor,dark as it is. that's a good sign. i guess.)
did i mention i hate winter?
fuckin' blizzard
i have to now hurry through breakfast so i can get to the gas station and grocery shop at two different stores before the visibility gets worse. i didn't do this yesterday because i went to visit my mother in the nursing home because i knew i wouldn't be able to drive over there today. i thought at least i could have a peaceful breakfast first. and then i'll have to get up in the middle of the night (read 8 a.m. since i go to bed in the wee hours of the morning due to my night work schedule) while i'm half asleep and dig my car out of one or two feet of snow so the snow plow guy can do it's thing...and then i get to go to work after not having a decent night's sleep! there's always SOMETHING to look forward to.
maybe i should throw myself in front of a big snow plow...though i guess i probably wouldn't die instantly or die at all and then i'd just be in pain. and as for the train...it doesn't move fast enough to kill me either. oh,yeah,i almost forgot...i can't commit suicide anyway because the life insurance won't pay. damn. i guess george bailey had better insurance than i do. and maybe a better angel. and definitely lots more friends. (maybe because he was a nicer person than i am...or maybe i'd be nicer if i wasn't and hadn't been depressed so much in my life...that would help...it's hard to be nice when you feel horrible,though i at least try not to be not nice,if you get my drift. but i just don't DO much and haven't accomplished much) i'm a failure because i don't have many friends and it's not because i'm not a decent interesting person...it may be partly because friendships take effort and i can't get much done when i feel bad plus it's also hard for people to be friends with depressed people. and i finally took the damned drugs and now they don't work anymore either. i only get one or two cards on my birthday aside from family. god bless my family for loving even when they can't like me. i'm grateful for my family even though i hate living so much of the time. i got lucky with them,though of course they're not perfect. but they're good kindhearted people.
keep me away from the stove. oh,yeah,the life insurance. i'm sentenced to be here until...whenever. i wouldn't mind being here so much if the prison was a little nicer and i was less lonely and i didn't feel bad so often. oh,well.
(i've still got my sense of humor,dark as it is. that's a good sign. i guess.)