bluegreen17 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluegreen17) wrote2003-03-09 12:27 am
bluegreen17) wrote2003-03-09 12:27 am
of hermits,hobbits and men (and women)
depression presents itself as a realism regarding the rottenness of the world in general and the rottenness of your life in particular. but the realism is merely a mask for depression's actual essence, which is an overwhelming estrangement from humanity.
-jonathan franzen (author of the novel -the corrections-) in an essay entitled 'why bother' which is about the modern novelist in the world,and readers,and a few other things.
it's in a book of his essays entitled -how to be alone-,which i am enjoying. i like how he writes and i like how he thinks.
well,my vacation is technically over,since i have sunday and monday off every week. it's been very relaxing,and i've been in pretty good spirits. i haven't socialized with anyone in 3d since tuesday when i went to visit my mother. (then again,that's probably not really socializing! so then it would be when i hung out with my sister sara on monday.)
so i've been at home alone for the past four days,though i did go out and do errands,so i did interact with other human beings briefly.
in some ways i'm less lonely because i've spent some time reading and writing on the net,particularly here at livejournal. i've read some great stuff in journals,and it's easier for me to find 'like minds' on the internet than in person,though i work in a bookstore and you'd think some of my co-workers and i would connect in our nerdiness,but these days not much. every once in a while i have a really interesting conversation with someone at work and enjoy my work buddies,but sometimes i still feel lonely because i'm not connecting about things that matter to me. and it's not all just serious scholarly stuff. there's fun lord of the rings fangirl stuff which is a blast. other than my sister sara,whom i don't see that often,there isn't anyone in my 3d world who likes to talk about middle earth,its inhabitants,and the actors who play them on television in the movies.
i think if i'd just been home doing some reading and puttering around i'd have gone crazy. perhaps if i didn't have access to the net,i'd still be writing snail mail letters. but since it's only a one way interaction,i think i'd get lonely and go stir-crazy after a bit.
this brings up the old argument that the internet isolates people. if i couldn't sit home and do this,would i have called a couple of people? maybe. would my connections be as enjoyable to me,since most folks i would be likely to call have little in common with me? in some ways yes,because there is something you get from in person contact that you don't get from the phone or the net or letters. i think it's sort of ineffable,what that something is.i dont' think it's purely energetic vibes,because what i believe about energy is not affected by distance (or time for that matter...but that's just my personal theory...for instance, i think if you pray for someone that prayer can reach them earlier than when you 'send' it...if you found out one day that your friend had an important job interview the day before,the vibe can arrive for them the day before when they need. okay,so it sounds like a crackpot theory,but it makes sense to ME. )
but maybe there's such a thing as local energy-say,in one's aura,as well as more universal energy. well,just a thought,because i know there's SOMETHING but i'm too dense to know what it is,at least as i write this.
i DO like to be in the presence of people even if i'm pretty misanthropic much of the time.i've enjoyed being home alone but i wouldn't want to be a hermit.
-jonathan franzen (author of the novel -the corrections-) in an essay entitled 'why bother' which is about the modern novelist in the world,and readers,and a few other things.
it's in a book of his essays entitled -how to be alone-,which i am enjoying. i like how he writes and i like how he thinks.
well,my vacation is technically over,since i have sunday and monday off every week. it's been very relaxing,and i've been in pretty good spirits. i haven't socialized with anyone in 3d since tuesday when i went to visit my mother. (then again,that's probably not really socializing! so then it would be when i hung out with my sister sara on monday.)
so i've been at home alone for the past four days,though i did go out and do errands,so i did interact with other human beings briefly.
in some ways i'm less lonely because i've spent some time reading and writing on the net,particularly here at livejournal. i've read some great stuff in journals,and it's easier for me to find 'like minds' on the internet than in person,though i work in a bookstore and you'd think some of my co-workers and i would connect in our nerdiness,but these days not much. every once in a while i have a really interesting conversation with someone at work and enjoy my work buddies,but sometimes i still feel lonely because i'm not connecting about things that matter to me. and it's not all just serious scholarly stuff. there's fun lord of the rings fangirl stuff which is a blast. other than my sister sara,whom i don't see that often,there isn't anyone in my 3d world who likes to talk about middle earth,its inhabitants,and the actors who play them
i think if i'd just been home doing some reading and puttering around i'd have gone crazy. perhaps if i didn't have access to the net,i'd still be writing snail mail letters. but since it's only a one way interaction,i think i'd get lonely and go stir-crazy after a bit.
this brings up the old argument that the internet isolates people. if i couldn't sit home and do this,would i have called a couple of people? maybe. would my connections be as enjoyable to me,since most folks i would be likely to call have little in common with me? in some ways yes,because there is something you get from in person contact that you don't get from the phone or the net or letters. i think it's sort of ineffable,what that something is.i dont' think it's purely energetic vibes,because what i believe about energy is not affected by distance (or time for that matter...but that's just my personal theory...for instance, i think if you pray for someone that prayer can reach them earlier than when you 'send' it...if you found out one day that your friend had an important job interview the day before,the vibe can arrive for them the day before when they need. okay,so it sounds like a crackpot theory,but it makes sense to ME. )
but maybe there's such a thing as local energy-say,in one's aura,as well as more universal energy. well,just a thought,because i know there's SOMETHING but i'm too dense to know what it is,at least as i write this.
i DO like to be in the presence of people even if i'm pretty misanthropic much of the time.i've enjoyed being home alone but i wouldn't want to be a hermit.
no subject
I agree with what you say though... completely...*_*
shyness
if you have social anxiety disorder,or it appears so,you may also have the traits of the highly sensitive person,some of which are wonderful. check out elaine aron on the net sometime if you're interested.
i think the internet is a great place to find people to connect with...but i think it would be good to then meet some of those people in 3d. the good and bad aspect of the net is that you meet people from all over. that's really cool,but if they live far away,and traveling is not something you want to do...
i think the meetups are a good idea. i may go to one around here,though they meet on a night that i work. but maybe they'll change the night. but i'm going to see if i have anything in common with the folks signed up for my area. in the past,i've checked out some other new hampshirites and to be kind,they're not into intellectual pursuits like i am. not to say that those people arent' right around me...and i may or may not find them.
ah,middle of nowhere.i grew up there,and had some good times,but by the time i was a teenager,i wanted out. fortunately i went to school up north after high school,and of course loved higher learning.
now i live in the almost middle of nowhere,after having lived somewhere for about ten years. somewhere's pace was a little too fast for me,but i miss that city too.
well,if you have a few close friends,that's what matters. quantity of friends is nothing. i'm 'popular' at work,which makes for a pleasant environment,but i'd trade that for a close friend. perhaps someday i'll have both. well,how i do go on! ha.
so of course i'll go on a bit more. i'm a shy person,so if it existed back then,i may have been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. also,i may have been put on ritalin,and i'm glad i wasn't. as you can tell,i don't like medical drugs. (i'm on the fence about stuff like the psychedelic stuff...i think some of those drugs have been used for religious ceremonies and are very powerful and can be a good thing when used with wisdom and respect). i guess though,that medical drugs have there place.
anyway,this is my long winded way of saying that i'm shy,but i have been able to be more sociable as an adult. i think what helped me is having to work in retail because i needed money for school and so i eventually realized some things weren't so scary,and ditto for when i was in college. so you never know when you may end up being quite extroverted even if you're shy. and if you dont,there's nothing wrong with being shy and introverted. this is a generalization,but a lot of shy people are very interesting and sensitive in good ways.
well,enough of my reckless amateur psychological speculations...
eh,i'm not good at being concise!
p.s. that guy in your icon looks familiar...hee hee.