bluegreen17 | god is...chocolate?

god is...chocolate?

havent heard from god yet. i hate being ignored. plus,you'd think god being allpowerful wouldn't have any excuse about being late getting back to you.like many things,i just don't understand god. and i don't know why it bothers me so much when i don't understand something.

basically,i'm agnostic. i don't think god's existence can be proved but i also think it can't be proved that she/he/it DOESN'T exist. some atheists are absolutely sure there isn't a god. that's their perogative,but i don't think there's any proof. i mean,what is god anyway? it's interesting that deepack chopra wrote a book about how to find god,and god is different things depending on where YOU are spiritually. it's a strange thing.

some of the nicest people are atheists. i have a cousin who is an atheist (or at least used to be...haven't been in touch for awhile) and he's one of the good guys...he used to work as a respiratory technician and i think he did that because he wanted to help people in that way...breathing is pretty important. it's kind of nice that he worked in the hospital that my grandmother died in,and he was involved in her care because she died of pleurisy,a condition of the lungs. i think she was only sick for a short while,a week or two,and she died when she was eighty four. i kind of idolized her. she was really neat and less cranky than my dad's mother. as the years go by,i realize that my mother's emotional distance probably came from her mother,and i inherited my crankiness from my dad and the grandmother i didn't like as well.

i dont' know...what's worse? some who's cranky but communicative or someone who is cold and distant? actually,my cranky grandmother was rarely cranky with me,but she complained about other people a lot. she was nevertheless extrordinarily grateful when she got presents at christmas or her birthday and everything we gave her was the most wonderful thing. my dad is like that too. i see him every other week and he buys me lunch but he is always grateful to ME for taking the time to be with him and listening to him,because he lives alone and doesn't have much of anyone to talk to.i always thank him for lunch and for driving over to see me and for being so supportive of me,though it's probably easier for him because he doesn't live with me!

well,i got from atheists to my dad,who's a devout catholic! i think it's fun to follow my stream of thoughts except when they are all negative,which they are too often. i go off on tangents and enjoy it,though it seems it annoys some people.

one of my former email buddies called one of my emails 'a typical obsessive compulsive rant' which kind of insulted me,though i do have traits of ocd. actually,my rambling writing is more typical of a.d.d. in my opinion...which frankly isn't a DEFICIT' as it's a fullspectrummed and wide-ranging flow of ideas...and in some cases,that's not a bad thing at all.

if our society wasn't based on so many proles (workers) having to live such fucking boring lives and jobs in order for the very few with most of the money to be able to buy another yacht,i dont' think a.d.d. would be considered a disorder.

i've got a freaking creative mind and yet i have to spend my days doing boring domestic chores which make me suicidal...though i suppose i'm insinuating that since i'm creative i shouldn't have to do those things,which is just as bad as the few with money not having to do those things. still,there's got to be a better way...there's definitely something wrong with the way we live when so many people have to take antidpressants just to keep going.

and i'm going to stop for now,believe it or not!

(well,almost...my adderal doesn't seem to be giving me anything yet,but i just wrote that under the influence of CHOCOLATE... and i dont' think that's a coincidence. how can i get a drug that will give me what chocolate does?)

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hehehe... chocolate is awesome :)

You rock Rob! Great entry.

i was looking for a short krishnamurti excerpt about god and that stuff

questioner: is there or is ther not a divine plan?

krishnamurti: I do not know what you mean by a "divine plan", but we do know - do we not? - that we are in sorrow, that we are in confusion, that confusion and sorrow are ever on the increase, socially, psychologically, individually, and collectively. It is what we have made of this world. whether there is a divine plan or not is not important at all. But what is important is to understand the confusion in which we live, outwardly as well as inwardly. To understand that confusion we must begin, obviously, with ourselves, because we are confusion; it is we who have produced this outward confusion in the world. And to clear up that confusion we must begin with ourselves, because what we are the world is.

.....so what is really improtant is not to inquire if there is or if there is not a divine plan, because over that you will waste speculative hours, proving that there is or thereis not. That becomes a game.Waht is important is really to freee oneself from confusion, and that does not take a long period of time.
What is essential is to see that one is confused, that all activity, all action that springs from that confusion, must be confused also.
so what is essential is to seee that one is confused, and not try to escape from it, not try to find explanations for it - ...and so on..

excerpt from the book: on god/jiddu krishanmurti

thanks for finding that and sharing it. it reminds me both of buddhism and existentialism.
for some reason,i am searching for MORE. the buddhists would say that is why i suffer.krishnamurti and the buddhists both seem to say don't bother about the why's. but the why's are important to me,and understanding things is important to me. isn't there value in that? i guess that's a question i can ask myself. and i'm like the sufis in always searching for the beloved...god.and that's why i get mad when it eludes me and when it doesn't seem to exist.

have you studies other systems of thought in addition to krishnamurti?

thanks again.

i know a bit of this system and that system..i am a child of the century of the new age and have read about this and about that but not to find god but to cease pain and suffering....

if one is searching for something, one has an image inwardly about that what one is seeking, the mind itself has made an image...but life has nothig to do with these images, life comes different, and the seeker can't perceive really life cause he is looking constantly for something he wants to find, he is not free to perceive and unerstand life as ist is.For the seeker the daily life is not a revelation....The seeker is looking for something that doesn't exist and so the fullness of life passes him
it's like one is seeking for the great love in a human relationship, this love will never come, and if it will come it is an illusion which will
dissipate soon in frustration..

i don't know, i had at several time overwhelming moments, and in these moments i saw some kind of fullnesse and holinesse..the mind was then in an
astonishing state and all judging ans searching was still....and all was like one, all was in a way connected...the sound of the radio with the flight of the swallow and the movement of the leaves with the smile of the neigbourgh...these states are never the same...it is not a state of great happiness like one has, if one has achieved something...it has a totaly other quality, it is beyond the desires of the me...it's like a break in, an implosion. I don't know what it is. I say then to me: eternity was here. These states are very short and afterwards pain and suffering continue and the deep loneliness comes again over me and all the efforts to lose pain begin anew...

i actually seek god because i think it will ease pain and suffering,so in a sense we could be doing the same thing but calling it different things.

i have had some of those moments,and i guess they are what i call god/oneness.the trouble is i want that to last,and i think if that 'space in time' lasted that would be nirvana/enlightenment/oneness with god/getting off the wheel of samsara.

some of the 'realized masters' say that enlightenment is not like that though. it's hard to know what is truth.

this seeking to return to that state reminds of a book i read by pmh atwater about people who have survived near death experiences. they have seen something wonderful and when they come back to earth they miss it and feel homesick and depressed for missing it. that is how i feel.i wrote a letter to this author and told her that i felt many of the same things that near-death survivors do and she said some sensitive people do have very similar feelings even if they have not had the near-death experience.

yes of course, i try too to cease pain and suffering, to end depression and loneliness....but krishnamurti says in nearly every talk, that this is the wrong way if one tries to overcome suffering...that emphasizes suffering

the only right thing is to understand how the own mind is working, to see from second to second how it works in our daily relationships to others, to see and listen and to understand how it creates pain and sorrow....and then one is capable to avoid the street of fulfilment, cause it's exactly that street which leads to sorrow and pain

but avoiding the street of fulfillment,do you mean not giving to an addiction that gives you temporary relief and/or not trying to escape the suffering,but letting it runs it's course?

intellectually,i understand the point of it,but i don't think i'm mature enough spiritually to be able to really understand it and motivate myself to DO it.
i am aware of a lot of spiritual thought,i have studied it on my own since adolescence in addition to a roman catholic upbringing,which has its good and bad points.

i understand more than i used to,but it doesn't help me to live. i'm mature enough to realize there is more to it than a blind obedience to a religion,but not mature enough to reach for what is real. to be able to endure the darkness to get to the true. so really i'm in a world bardo or purgatory and often a hell and sometimes a heaven.

i have two sisters that are happy with their lives and they are fundamentalist christians.for them,all the answers are in the bible and god looks out for them. they are definitely doing something that gives them a better life than me,but i can't belief the way they do...am i wrong or do i know better than them? and yet they have much better lives...

i imagine that your sisters are married and have children or at least someone to lean on...and i think they feel secure and comfy in their world ...but don't they live in a dead world, psychologically dead, don't they live on the surface and have never dig deeper...they believe that their world is the world, is the life,I think they have nearly never put a question which can shake their cemetery-peace..but if someone comes and put them a question, how do they react, don't they get very angry and begin to scold and try to degrade this person...i am nearly sure they don't like to be disturbed and will get violent

under the surface is always pain... each person with whom i got a bit more intimate as usual revealed sorrow and pain and loneliness...don't let you deceive if some show off hapiness

i think that's not your thing to live like your sisters, you would have to strangle yourself.

who is wrong....life is like a river but one can make it to little stagnant pool...
some may have more pleasure..but pleasure is not joy

with the street of fulfillment..this term is not from me, this term is from krishnamurti...i see it like that: to swim in the lake is(or can be) fulfilment in itself.. enjoing the water, the waves, the blue sky, the clouds, the birds which are flying high above, the sunlight on the surface, the screaming of the children, the change of temperature of the water and other things..the doing is the fulfillment in itself...but if i want ot achieve something by swimming, if i have a goal i use swimming merely a a means and that's beyond joy

good points in much of what you say here.
i may be wrong,but i think people who have to have all the answers are more frightened of life than even i am! i guess i have a certain bravery (though really not much choice...i can't hide the truth as i know it from myself) to live with uncertainty.

i do try to remember to live in the moment...but i'm often disappointed in the moments themselves! i've always 'expected too much'.

of course i am looking for temporarily relief and try to escape...but if depression spread itslef it's not easy to find an escape which is effective, depression is like the breakdown of the escapes

yes,i guess ultimately you can't escape yourself.

yes,you are right...so right....nevertheless i do...let's call it silliness, not as an act of condemnation but as a fact

also,even though i am a seeker sometimes i am a 'finder' in a state of just being and finding so many amazing things in the little everyday things. so i am part of both ways.

what i have studied, or at least read intensive are books of :
Richard Moss (he has a lot to do with sufism)

Allan Watts

Alexandre Lowen (Bioenergetic-therapie)

Karen Horney (psychoanalysis but better then Freud)

Samuel Widmer ( a swiss psychiatrist who has made therapies with lsd and ecstasy and other drugs,when he had the allowence to do that, now it is forbidden)

Edward Bach (the creator of the flower remedies)

Tom Johanson ( an english spiritual healer)

Harry Edwards (an english spiritual healer)

and..do you know the Esalen-people?

i did a lot of workshops with esalen teachers, esalen massage and esalen deep tissue work which are based on theories and systems of Ida Rolf, Feldenkreis, Fritz Pearls

are they esalen people connected to the est people? i dont' know much about them but they seem kind of extreme.
i've heard of most of the others and i've had limited success with the bach remedies (helped with anxiety,but not with depression and other things).

i like alan watts.

esalen...you can google that term...or :www.esalen.org
est people i don't know who they are

"i've got a freaking creative mind and yet i have to spend my days doing boring domestic chores which make me suicidal"

I have a creative mind as well, but it's stifled by anti-depressants to the point I'd be thrilled if I could just keep up with the dishes every day or even every other day or just go for a walk. More times than not I do a pretty good job of talking myself out of it or procrastinating for as long as I can get away with it. I'm sure my son would like clean clothes much more often than once every 3-4 weeks. ~*sighs*~

If you'd like another friend to talk to or e-mail, I'm 41 and will be 42 next month, bipolar/ADD.

i've been thinking of antidepressants...you mean antidepressants would make me even less productive? that would be devasting for my daily life...i have so much to do and can't get it done due to depression. did i understand you correctly?

i'm not usually very good at keeping up with people by email,but i will keep your offer in mind because it might be nice to connect sometime with someone near my age with similar,shall we say,challenges.
thanks.

Yes, they might. I know mine do me. But then again, not everyone reacts to them in the same way so it may be the exact opposite for you.

Don't worry about the mentioning of e-mail as I'm surprised at myself for doing so. I'm terrible at it as can be attested to by my family. *LOL*

Take care and I hope you find what you are looking for.

Mmmmmmmm...chocolate sounds like a good starting point. *S*

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