diane's big adventure going to the mall with her sis

it's an hour until sixty minutes. haha.

i've had quite a weekend. first,yesterday,i got up early,meaning 11 am,so i could go to the library before it closed. on the way home,i felt like i had enough energy to go and see my dad,so i dropped by. i was just going to stay a bit,so i could see him. now,dad is quite like a large toddler these days. i mean no disrespect. that is kind of how his emotional brain functions,and it's not his fault. so....i didn't know what i could do with him but the memory care director said he liked playing cards. okay. no,he didn't want to do that. so,why don't we go over to the computers and look at family pictures? ok. but once we get there,it is not ok. what dad really wants to do is go out and celebrate christmas with the family. as often as possible. you know,i'm in agreement with him there. i'd love to. i'm sure we'd all enjoy it. but it is just is not feasible.

so,i know he is upset and wants to go out,and i can't really blame him. but i can't figure out where to take him. he's
just eaten lunch and it's not exactly going out for ice cream weather. which is why none of the places are open. and i'm not the type to just drive around,polluting and wasting gas. but i decided to take him for a ride anyway. because my dad deserves a little enjoyment. we drive around a bit,and look at dirty snowbanks and such. well,at least the sun is out. i turn around and head back after about ten minutes,or maybe less. i decide i will stop at the drug store so we can go in and dad can pick out a treat and i needed a root beer desperately,in the same way someone smokes a few cigarettes a year during stressful times.

so we go in,after extricating dad from the front seat and the seat belt. and we go in. and he is fussing about something. i never know for sure,but he has to wear adult undergarments,which really sucks and makes him uncomfortable. and when you're a toddler and uncomfortable and don't understand why you have to be uncomfortable,why doesn't someone fix it? well,you are miserable. so i make it quick and get him back in the car. while driving,i ask if he is enjoying the ride. he says yes,but also seems to be glad to be going back home.

and i think he did enjoy his little outing. i will have to try to figure out what to do to take him out. i was uncomfortable with taking him out because of his incontinence issues and i get stressed easily,but i will just have to deal. but now i know if i go visit him,i have to take him out somewhere,or he will feel worse than if i didn't show up at all,and i know he likes to see familiar faces. but i rarely have the energy to even show up there...it's gonna take even more motivation knowing i have to do the whole taking him out routine.

i do wonder if there is some kind of disconnect physically in some of our brains that makes it harder for some of us to motivate ourselves to do things we would prefer not to. i don't think it's pure morally incomprehensible laziness. i think it really is harder when you're depressed to do those sorts of things,but it's one of those invisible type disabilities.

okay this is getting long so time for an lj cut...( diane thinks the mall trip is exciting )